Lawyers get a bad rap and yet they are the first ones we run to when we are in trouble with the law.. or the wife… or the husband…. still they are good source of humour.
As his investment business grew… James realised that he needed to employ a corporate lawyer to protect his interests and those of his clients. He set about interviewing young lawyers. After several applicants had failed to impress him, he sat down with a smartly dressed young man and explained to him that the nature of the business meant that integrity was of the highest importance and asked him if he was an honest lawyer.
The young man considered the question for a moment and then answered.
“Let me show you how honest I am… my parents leant me 50,000 pounds to complete my law degree and I paid it back after I tried my first big case.”
“That is very impressive,” James smiled at the applicant. “And what kind of case was that?”
They sued me for the money!
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa.” Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:
“Okay, how about this “If you don’t know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $50.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it’s the blonde’s turn. She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.
The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, so what IS the answer?”
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared the worst. He asked a senior partner whether he ought to send the judge a box of cigars.
“The judge is an honorable man,” the horrified senior partner exclaimed. “If you do, I guarantee you’ll lose the case.”
The judge eventually ruled in favor of the young lawyer’s client.
“Aren’t you glad you didn’t send those cigars?” the senior partner asked.
“I did send them,” the young lawyer answered, “I just enclosed the opposition’s business card.”
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer?
That’s a mistake–he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”