Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – Author Book Reading and Interview – D.G. Kaye

Sally's Cafe and Bookstore

My guest today has become a friend on and offline and along with Tina Frisco form a little group called the Three Musketeers.. Oh sorry has that name been taken!  Anyway D. G. Kaye – Debby Gies has been popping in to the blog for over three years and has been a huge support during highs and lows. We are finally going to be face to face for the first time at the Blogger’s Bash in June and I am so excited to meet her finally.

Debby writes as D.G. Kaye and has struck many a chord with her frank and down to earth memoirs and non-fiction books. Before we enjoy Debby’s interview I thought I would let her tell you all about herself.

I’m a nonfiction memoir writer who writes about life, matters of the heart and women’s issues. My intent is to inspire others by sharing my stories about events I encountered, and the lessons that come along with them.

I love to laugh, and self-medicate with a daily dose of humor. When I’m not writing intimate memoirs, you’ll find me writing with humor in some of my other works and blog posts.

When I was a young child, I was very observant about my surroundings. Growing up in a tumultuous family life; otherwise known as a broken home, kept me on guard about the on-and-off-going status of my parents’ relationship. I often wrote notes, and journaled about the dysfunction that I grew up in. By age seven I was certain I was going to grow up to be a reporter.

Well life has a funny way of taking detours. Instead, I moved away from home at eighteen with a few meager belongings and a curiosity for life. I finished university and changed careers a few times always striving to work my way up to managerial positions. My drive to succeed at anything I put my mind to led me to having a very colorful and eventful life.

Ever the optimist, that is me. I’ve conquered quite a few battles in life; health and otherwise, and my refusal to accept the word ‘No’, or to use the words ‘I can’t’, keeps me on a positive path in life.

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences.

MY BOOKS:

Growing up as an emotionally neglected child, tormented with guilt, I struggled with whether or not I was to remain obligated to being a faithful daughter, feeling in debt to my narcissistic mother for giving birth to me. My first book, Conflicted Hearts is a memoir, written about my journey to seek solace from living with guilt.

In keeping up with sharing my experiences in life, I thought about my turbulent voyage through menopause. No, it wasn’t fun. But in retrospect, I had to laugh when comparing symptoms with friends over some of the craziness of the side effects, so I decided to write Meno-What? A Memoir. The book is a short, humorous accounting of my passage through the hormonal injustice. In that book, I share some of the many symptoms I encountered, hoping to shed some light and humor on what women may expect or experience at that unpredictable time. I also offer up some of my helpful hints I found useful for relief.

Words We Carry focuses around women’s self-esteem issues. I talk about how and why we develop a low sense of self by using my own life experiences as examples. I share stories about how I recognized my own shortcomings, and overcame my insecurities, hoping to empower others.

Have Bags, Will Travel is a little travel memoir of tales and reminiscings from some of my more memorable trips, which all factor in the same ongoing issues for me – too much luggage!

My newest book, P.S. I Forgive You is Book II to Conflicted Hearts, a journey of seeking forgiveness for my narcissistic mother. As her death was approaching, I was forced by conflicting thoughts to reconcile my feelings about my mother and find a way to make peace within myself for my decision to remain estranged, yet find forgiveness for her to send her off with compassion.

I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Read the reviews and buy all of Debby’s  books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as my passion is traveling.

My favorite reading genres are: biographies, memoirs, books about writing, spirituality, and natural health. I love to read stories about people who overcome adversity, victories, and redemption. I believe we have to keep learning—there is always room for improvement!

I love to cook and concoct new recipes (and I don’t believe in measuring cups), travel, and play poker (although I seldom get the chance), oh, and did I mention travel?

Now time to put Debby in the hot seat and she is also looking forward to answering your questions in the comment section.

Welcome Debby and can you tell us about your chosen genre of books that you write and why?

I think I was born to be a nonfiction writer because I’ve always been a great observer of my surroundings and people. I have an undeniable urge to share info with others. I like to talk and write about real life issues and I’m always in search of resolution for problems. I feel by sharing my stories and findings, I can enlighten others and hopefully help them through sharing my own experiences.

Is there any invention that is a major part of our lives that you wish had not been invented?

Oh yes Sal, there sure is and that would be mobile phones. I know the world has advanced incredibly with technology, but as all good things, too much advancement can be overkill. Sure it’s convenient to have access to everything at our fingertips, but having that easy access has somehow taken away a lot of the human side of intimate connections in the real world, particularly with the younger generation.

With no cellphone attached as an appendage, people would engage one on one with eye contact and dialogue without having to constantly be fixated on texting like robots. When we’re out doing things, we should be enjoying and focused on the people we are out with, not chatting or texting, checking phones every minute, not to mention those killers who refuse to stop texting when driving.

Do you have a favourite quote? What does it mean to you as an individual?

I do love quotes, particularly profound ones that resonate with me from some favorite movies. To choose one, I’ll go with “Hope floats.” The full quote is from the 1998 movie Hope Floats – “Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will!”

Why I love that quote so much is because it projects optimism. I have always been an optimistic person, ever searching for that tiniest of bright side, and I preach optimism to all who know me. Focusing on the negative will only bring more negative with no chance to flourish, so why not believe that hope will deliver and stay on a positive path?

As an established memoir author, what three key elements would you consider to be most important?

The three most important elements to writing memoir are:

Truth – Keep the story genuine, true to the way you remember it. If it were to be sugar-coated for dramatic effect, it would become on the verge of fiction.

Invite the reader in – By feeding the reader the conflict of the story and true descriptions of emotion and character traits of both the protagonist and antagonist in the story, they can form their own assessment about how they feel. Don’t write to try and sway readers by condemnation and character bashing to evoke sympathy from the reader.

Leave a positive message –Even though the story may not be about a happy topic, find the triumph from enduring and overcoming the conflict to inspire the reader so that they may also learn to strive for a method to overcome their own adversity or hurdles by sharing your own path to victory.

Many people may be unaware that they are in fact in a toxic relationship within their family or in personal relationships with friends and lovers. What are the signs that people should look out for?

There are numerous warning signs, and I can attest to that from both growing up with a toxic, narcissistic mother, and having endured a physically and emotionally abusive relationship in my 30s.

The scary part is that some people with low self-esteem feel as though they don’t deserve better, or feel trapped where they are. I talk about such things in my book Words We Carry. But to mention a few warnings to pay heed to, look out for those who dominate, threaten, have superiority complexes, have to always one-up you and win all the time. And one of my all-time favorites is beware of those who exude signs of jealousy. If there is someone in your life, partner or friend, who cannot compliment your looks, wardrobe, or accomplishments, take those as huge flags. Those are the people who feel it either takes something away from themselves by complimenting you, or when in a relationship, can’t handle anyone else looking at you. I’ve had them both and thankfully, I can size up those types within the first 5 minutes of conversation with them.

What other topics would you like to publish books about in the future and why?

Gratefully, I’ve never had to sit around contemplating what I should write about. Usually, a topic randomly hits me that I feel compelled to write about. My first book, Conflicted Hearts, and my latest book, the sequel, P.S. I Forgive You, I knew I had to write because I’d been journaling for years about my observations about my mother and the emotionally abusive relationship I had with her.

Menowhat? A Memoir, was written after I went through the craziness of menopause to shed light on some of the funky stuff women endure and share some humor and helpful tips to make light of a not always so humorous time in crazytown. I wrote Words We Carry to share my own struggles with low self-esteem and share how I overcame it using my own experiences to demonstrate how we perceive ourselves and what we can do to better ourselves.

And I wrote Have Bags, Will Travel, really just as a distraction to myself while I was also writing P.S. I Forgive You, to talk about happier things and my favorite topics, travel and shopping.

Currently, I have outlined a book I’ve sadly neglected these past few busy months about what happens in relationships when the years catch up after the fruitful years of marrying someone 21 years my senior. Life with a senior when you’re not quite there yet can be challenging at times and it takes a strong foundation and commitment to weather through the new elements. And I figured there are plenty of people, men and women who have married someone older who may be looking for some good advice.

The working title to that book is Twenty Years, because when my husband asked me to marry him, I was 37 and he 58. We always shared humor, a component necessary to keep a healthy relationship, so I told him I’d only marry him if he promised to be around at least 20 years.

While I began writing chapters for that book, I had another book title epiphany, which set me off outlining for a future book. That book will be based on discovering what to look for when entering a relationship, and how to keep it healthy. That working title is Are They Worthy? I’m all about kindness, compassion, empowerment and building self-esteem. Anything that is fair and good for the soul, if an idea strikes, I’m probably going to write about it. So I can’t even say what my next inspiration may be.

Thank you so much Sally for inviting me over to share my thoughts and work here once again. It’s always such a treat to be featured on your most popular blog, and a bigger thrill to call you friend.

Debby has chosen and excerpt from her latest book for her book reading.

 P.S. I Forgive You Chapter: Regrets

I still think of my mother often. She’s gone now but not forgotten. While she was still living, I wondered how I’d feel when she was gone. Would I feel relieved of my own self-imposed burden? Would I regret that she had left while we were no longer speaking?

My feelings are still a mixed bag. My guilty conscience plays on my empathy sometimes, and in those moments I question myself, wondering if I failed her. I remembered feeling much the same way when it was my responsibility to look after my siblings and father when I was young. I was conditioned to be the caretaker. I couldn’t help but feel it was my duty to repair the broken state of my mother. My need to make her better, make us better, gnawed away at me for most of my life.

I couldn’t accept that her temperament was beyond my control, and I didn’t understand the complexities of dealing with a narcissist. I didn’t even realize she was one until I was well into my twenties. I never intended to hurt her, no matter how deserving I felt she was of hurting many times. As fate would have it, she wound up hurting herself in the end, enduring estrangement from her loved ones with loneliness and suffering.

The most recent review for P.S I Forgive You

How many of us come from dysfunctional families? I know I certainly came from one. However, when you are the child of a narcissistic mother, those wounds fester and bleed well into adulthood becoming baggage that hangs around your heart. Almost certainly, these feelings are accompanied by guilt and a desire to understand why a mother could treat her own flesh and blood in such a demeaning way. Especially, when you would never think of treating your own children with such disdain.

This is the author’s journey to redemption. She sets out to explain the reasons why her mother treated her and her siblings in such a derogatory manner. What she discovers is her own strength and determination to come to grips with the revelations that none of this treatment was her fault. The final realizations pivot the reader to experience the liberation of a survivor, first hand, with empathy and compassion for the author and her family.

I followed D. G. Kaye’s path into a state of mindfulness, where she focuses on the present while acknowledging and accepting her feelings and thoughts from the past. At times, I cried right along with the family, feeling old emotions of my own boil to the surface. Ultimately, the story ends when understanding is achieved and the only avenue left is that of forgiveness.

This is a poignant novel filled with inspiration and strength. By the end of the story, I felt like D. G. Kaye, and I had become close friends, and she was telling me that my hunt to dispell my own childhood demons was going to be all right. If you have a narcissistic family member, this is the book for you. Believe me, you will never feel alone again.

MY RATING:
Character Believability: 5
Flow and Pace: 5
Reader Engagement: 5
Reader Enrichment: 5
Reader Enjoyment: 5
Overall Rate: 5 out of 5 stars

Read the reviews and buy all of Debby’s  books: http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

Connect with D.G. Kaye

My website:    http://www.dgkayewriter.com
Author Page:   http://www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7
Goodreads:      http://www.goodreads.com/dgkaye
About me:        http://www.wiseintro.co/dgkaye7
Twitter:            http://www.twitter.com/@pokercubster (yes there’s a story)
Linkedin:          http://www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
Facebook:         http://www.facebook.com/dgkaye
Google:              http://www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
Instagram:        http://www.instagram.com/dgkaye
Pinterest:          http://www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7

Thank you for dropping in especially over such a busy holiday weekend. Debby will be delighted to answer your questions and please leave them in the comment section of the post.  Happy Easter and thanks Sally.

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190 thoughts on “Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – Author Book Reading and Interview – D.G. Kaye

  1. Pingback: Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – Author Book Reading and Interview – D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

    • Hi Adele. Thanks for asking. Before finding Arizona, I used to go to Las Vegas once or twice a year. I always loved it there, particularly the warm, dry climate and the beautiful mountains. I just felt more at home in the southwest than I did in my own city. A few years ago, hub and I decided we love the desert so much but enough with the make believe world of the Vegas strip and something in me just blurted out, ‘We need to be going to Arizona’. The following year when we landed in Phoenix airport and I was standing at the luggage carousel taking in the beautiful feeling of being back in the southwest, something came over me in that moment that I can’t even explain, but I turned to my husband and said,’I think I’ve found home’. It’s been like that ever since. I’m a firm believer in past lives. My dreams, intuitions and many readings I’ve had done all point to past lives I have living in the desert among the native Indians. I am certain that the draw for me comes from within from another life.

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Debby is so humorous with her answers, Sally, it is always great fun to read things she has written and/or said. I found it most interesting that she doesn’t measure when she cooks – I am a fanatical measurer and believe that cooking is a science. Debby would get on well with my sister who is a great experimenter.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I enjoyed reading about your writing journey- and your life’s journey. Thanks for sharing! I love my cell phone though! I think a lot of folks are just lousy at communicating and developing relationships.it’s not the phone’s fault! Happy Easter!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks Jena. Don’t get me wrong, my phone comes in handy ‘at times’ too. It’s not the phone’s fault at all, merely the way it is sometimes used. 🙂 Happy Easter to you too.

      Liked by 4 people

      • I’m with Debbie – I wish we could go back to pay phones and land lines (and NO phone time during meals!)

        I have an iPhone that drives me bug-nutty, Sally – and I only take it with me when I absolutely must. Apparently my brain works nothing like the brains that put that technology together. If I could turn off ALL features but phone calls in and out (and voicemail), I would love it – as long as I could keep my headset port (cord to phone, over the head, stick mic btw — blue tooth almost-in-the ear, dangle could-you-repeat-that mics are almost worse than no phone at all.)

        I doubt I’ll ever make friends with “texting” until I can talk into the darned thing and it will send Morse Code or emoji-speak or whatever the rest of the world has decided is the best way to keep in touch – and I don’t have to squint thru a magnifying glass and poke teensy keys EVER.

        And . . . drumroll as she works into a crescendo . . . who decided that having to get dressed and do hair and make up to talk on the phone would be a GOOD idea? (You used to have to pay me to be on camera, and had a make up person on staff – the way the gods intended it!) 🙂
        xx,
        mgh

        Liked by 2 people

      • I am with you Madelyn and I only have a flip phone that has big numbers and only does calls and texts. David has a smart phone but if I have to answer it for him I always seem to swipe it off!! As to getting all dressed up like you I had my fill of having to look polished.. And since I quite like talking to my friends on the phone whilst taking a leisurely bath a don’t need the video function.. for their sakes if not for mine!! hugs xx

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Pingback: Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – Author Book Reading and Interview – D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

  5. Debbie and Sally, this is a terrific interview! Debbie, I admire the courage it takes to write an honest memoir and the generosity to reach out in this way to help others to find the positive in their lives. I don’t have a question, but I’m looking forward to reading your books!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Hi Darlene. Writing memoir is not for the faint of heart. I don’t think writers just say, ‘I’m going to write a memoir’ and often I hear from other writers that even if they think they want to, they don’t have the courage to exploit themselves or their feelings. It is a very personal sort of writing. But I have always been one to share my thoughts and say what needs to be said so I never hesitated to write. I can’t even see me writing anything other than nonfiction. But tears, oh yes, writing P.S. I Forgive You was 10 times harder on my soul than the first book. Writing was somewhat painful, but revisions . . . they were killer. Having to read my story over and over felt sometimes like being punched in the gut. I remember how many times I had to get up from my desk and run to Facebook to post how difficult certain moments were when writing, and gratefully had my friends supporting and lifting me back up. Writing is a solitary business, but support is what helps us in those moments when we need a recharge. 🙂 Thanks for asking. ❤

      Liked by 8 people

      • Bravo to you. Glad you have a support system in place. One of the women in my critique group is writing a memoir and we have all cried together through many a chapter. I will pass this info on to her. Thanks for answering my question, Debby.

        Liked by 4 people

  6. Hi Debbie, it is great fun to be connected with a lively person like you and Sally…put both of you together and the fun doubles! I loved all your answers and it is nice to know more about you. One thing I admire about is your candor, the way you pour out your heart is indeed worth emulating. Love your optimistic approach to life.
    Thanks for being so inspiring! Love and hugs. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Debby and Sally great interview – honest… naked even. Well done Debbie for the way you can put your emotions out there without either sentimentality or the need to justify. I really like you mantra don’t sugarcoat and leave a positive message. I loved everything you said and especially the extract -you have a deeply genuine raw voice that is only slightly moderated by an instinctive kindness and optimism. I like the way your life comes across as as almost impassionate, nearly clinical, observation yet never once do you disengage the emotional level and I found that is what drew me in to your work and left me reflecting almost subconsciously on my own past. It produces a deep sense of bonding in the reader as you can probably tell by all the resounding comments.

    Another great interview Sally; warm, intimate and illuminating.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Great to see you here, Debby. ❤ Sally's interviews are so inciteful. So here is my question for you. Was your journey into forgiveness a slow and steady process or where there one or more AHA moments that propelled you forward in giant leaps. If you had any leaps, would you be willing to share one?

    Liked by 5 people

    • Thanks for visiting and joining in here Diana. I’ll say that my path to forgiveness was a lengthy and contemplative one. It took me decades plus years to find that place, particularly finding forgiveness for myself for leaving my mother. I struggled most of my lifetime and as her death neared was when I had to commit to confronting my fears and decisions and find a way to free myself from feeling guilty the rest of my own life. Writing that book was a clearing and understanding for myself as I relived moments and put the pieces together. There was no aha moment really just a huge release and relief. ❤

      Liked by 6 people

  9. Hi Sally and Debby, Absolutely loved your interview it confirmed what I already knew in my heart – what a lovely warm, interesting person Debby is. I also found out something new about her hubby being many years her senior (though I did wonder!) My mum and dad have quite an age gap too, but have to catch up to Debby’s gap, theirs is only thirteen years…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks so much for dropping in Marje. I am quite sure there are plenty of us out in the world living with a partner sharing a big age gap that’s what inspired me to write this book. ❤

      Liked by 3 people

  10. Pingback: Happy Easter!!! | K Y R O S M A G I C A

  11. Pingback: Smorgasbord Round Up – Dame Shirley Bassey, Easter Treats, Music Memories | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

  12. I’ve just ‘met’ Debby and am even more anxious than ever to read your books now that I’ve read this terrific interview with Sally. I love how you use humor and avoid bitterness despite a painful past. I agree that you must be brave to write memoirs. I love the Hope Floats quote, and agree we have all become too obsessed with our phones. I have felt a real connection with you Debby since I ‘met’ you and look forward to reading your work, soaking up your positivity, and sharing some laughs.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Debby, I am a big fan of yours, read all your books except just started P.S. I Forgive You. Our paths are so similar it is “spooky” and my philosophy of dealing with life’s challenges is very similar. Next time I am in Arizona (Mesa area) I will contact you. Would love to have lunch and a long face to face conversation.
    Our society needs your type of reading material. Too many people get trapped in feeling guilty, responsible or ashamed of what is happening in their lives.
    God bless you and keep on writing! And traveling!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow Karen, I am humbled at your words. Thanks so much for reading my books and I am thrilled to know that the messages through my stories can actually help others. That’s what it’s all about, getting through to the readers. And wow again, because I didn’t know you also go to Arizona. At this stage I am only there for part of the winter, but there’s a glint of hope I may get back there in the fall. Regardless, I’ll let you know next time I’m going. Be well! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  14. Interesting to know what you watch out for (me too, btw – as well as those who try to pretend they were “only kidding” when they are mean, making it the fault of the person whose feelings they hurt for “having no sense of humor”). What, besides a shared sense of humor, do you look FOR in a relationship? Does it differ by “type” of relationship (i.e., girlfriend, male friend, romantic partner, etc)?

    To ask it more specifically: what qualities/behaviors did you see in your husband that let you know he would be a good/healthy partner for you? Given your background, did it take a while for you to trust what you were seeing? Was there a turning point?

    Happy Easter to everybody reading!!!
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
    ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Liked by 2 people

    • HI Madelyn. First let me say I saw your comment above to Sally about the cell phone, and once again, I see we’re in the same camp on that issue, and had to LOL at Sally not wanting to be seen in the bathtub. I can’t imagine why not though, LOLOL 🙂
      In answer to your question though, I’m fairly outgoing and tend to gather friends quite quickly and easily, and as a result of my lifetime of observations studying people, I’m pretty good at sizing up personalities after speaking with them for a short while. I also think part of this is because of my radar that comes from my intuition. Intuition is something that has to be learned to trust. If it tells you something over and over and you fail to trust it and then in the long run proves you were right, you should start to trust it. Just like when I was in my early 30s and met a man I ended up in a longterm relationship with, I saw ‘the flags’ on our first date and proceeded to tell myself I’m being too picky. I dismissed my wonky feelings and got caught in a dangerous web that took me years to get away from.
      With my husband, it was easy. His charm was genuine. He was a true gentleman and remains the same today. He made me laugh, a lot, and no other man I’d dated ever did that, I was always the one making others laugh. When he kissed me for the first time he held my face with his hands. He was interested in what I had to say. He was crazy about me from the day he met me and his affection just radiated around me. As much as I thought I’d never wanted to marry, I knew that was going to change with that man. 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 3 people

      • Thanks for taking the time to answer, Debbie. We are similar in our willingness to overlook “the flags,” thinking we are being unnecessarily judgmental – and in getting trapped in webs that turn out to be sticky.

        I’m so glad that you found someone genuine who turned out to be who you thought he was (I’ve also dated a few who were enchantingly wonderful “chasing” and somebody else entirely once they felt they could “relax”).

        I can’t wait to read your book – fascinating topic, and I’m sure you are not the only woman in a similar age gap situation. Challenging for both of you, no doubt, but real love reaches out and reaches back, yes?
        xx,
        mgh

        Liked by 2 people

      • Thanks again Madelyn. Interesting to find that even with as much as we know we tend to neglect our inner warnings and not really casting concern away as much as trying not to be judgemental. That is something we should continue to work on, so we don’t keep getting caught down the road. Certainly, real love reaches out and back. And actually, when I was dating that, what turned out to be abusive man, I never considered him enchantingly wonderful. I listened to him talk as we got to know one another and was intuned to his weaknesses immediately, but thought I WAS being too judgemental. I let many things slide while in that relationship like sanity, self-esteem, and finally the fear of my life got me the hell out. But had I paid attention to my suspicions and gut from the get go, I wouldn’t have gone that far. But I was lucky, a lot of women don’t get out. Real love is respect. 🙂 ❤

        Liked by 2 people

      • Excellent comment, Debbie. I have long noticed that those of us who are highly empathetic and really work on counteracting our unconscious judgments frequently err on the “letting things slide” side of things — and that controlling individuals tend to take advantage of that tendency.

        At one point in my career I noticed that my ADD/EFD clients (highly empathetic folks for the most part) SEEM to attract more individuals who are, shall I say, “not particularly healthy” in the manner in which they relate to others – wondered that about myself as well.

        Since I also work with “vanilla” clients (no dx mix-ins). I examined that idea more closely, looking at both “types” of brains.

        What I came to believe was that we all come across a similar number of dysfunctional individuals, but those of us who are highly empathetic allow them to hang around longer — sort of the opposite of the old saw, “don’t let the the camel get his nose into your tent.”

        Call it self-preservation instinct, call it judgment, like many things in life, it’s a balancing act. A certain amount of “discernment” is important and necessary if you don’t want life to wipe its feet on your back.

        Your last statement is a great litmus test: love = respect. Insisting on respect (and pointing it out when it is missing in Beloved’s behavior) is probably the best way to avoid getting stuck in a web.

        I tell my clients that they’ll either get an apology or an argument. Count the arguments: 3 strikes and they’re out!
        xx,
        mgh

        Liked by 2 people

  15. Pingback: Guest author interview with D.G. Kaye with Sally Cronin

  16. A great interview, Sally. So far I’ve only read one of Debby’s books but have more on my list and I’m pleased to hear about her future projects. They sound very interesting. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Pingback: Writing Links 4/17/17 – Where Genres Collide

  18. Thank you, Sally, for making Debby audible here. She is one spunky lady and lets no life experience go to waste, especially the tough ones. Her practice journaling in her youth has helped her blossom into a prolific author. Brava!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this interview, Debby and Sally. I can’t wait to meet you both at The Bloggers Bash (and Tina, as well). Can I be the fourth ‘Golden Girl’ please? 😀 🍸

    Debby, my questions for you – Where did you and George first meet, and was it love at first sight? How does he cope with your shopping habit and does he ever surprise you with what he buys? 😀

    Wishing you both a fantastic week ahead.
    Hugs to both.
    xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • First of all Hugh, you can absolutely be my golden girl, lol. 🙂 🙂 In fact you already are! Those are big questions my friend!
      First off, although my hubby shakes his head and laughs each time he sees another parcel delivered, once I show him what’s inside and then actually put it on for him, he’s quite complimentary and lets it slide. I will say though, there are plenty of bags and packages that enter my home he has no conception of knowing about. Usually when I’ll wear a new item he’ll respond ‘Oh my, look at those (shoes?) don’t you look snazzy’ Lol.
      One thing about my husband is, I’ve never had to ask for anything. He gets joy from seeing my face light up. If we’re out together at a store and he sees my attention focused on something I really love, if I didn’t purchase it at that moment. He’ll surprise me on the next occasion – birthday, anniversary, etc. with that exact item. He learned early in our relationship with my eclectic taste, to never surprise me with something he picked out on his own, LOL.
      And now for how we met. At the time I was a freelance blackjack/poker dealer for private functions. I was a client of his son-in-law’s, buying my cars from him. One night after my gig finished early, a girlfriend of mine was working down the street at another banquet hall dealing cards. I stopped by to drop off my money to her to take back to the office to save me a trip going home late in the opposite direction. She was working a function at a stag party. When I walked in the room, who did I bump into? My future son-in-law accompanied by my husband. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him my cover was blown, lol. I could tell right then my future husband was smitten by me. The next day I got a call from his son-in-law, apologizing for digging my number out of his client file, but his father-in-law asked him to call me and ask if I’d go out with him. I told him I was flattered but I’d just got out of a long and terrible relationship and was enjoying being single again, and besides ‘he’s too old for me’, I said. LOL, as usual, my persistent now husband wouldn’t accept my decline and called me anyway. We chatted for awhile but I still refused to go out with him. 6 Months later we met again (destiny?). We hit it off instantly and although I could write a book on the many obstacles we encountered to be together (maybe I will one day), we saw one another every day and 8 months later we were living together, a year later we were engaged! 🙂 Thanks for asking, lol. ❤

      Liked by 3 people

  20. Sally thank you for this wonderful interview with our mutual friend Debby.. So loved reading her answers.. I was not expecting the last one.. Her except from Debby’s latest Book that I know the subject of as we have spoken upon it..
    Tears easily flow. and Debby’s and my own path with my Mother have trodden a similar road.. So I could fully relate to her answers “My feelings are still a mixed bag. My guilty conscience plays on my empathy sometimes, and in those moments I question myself, wondering if I failed her.” A question I often replay..
    Yet I know we both gave umpteen chances .. and we were greeted with close doors.. So if you are reading Debby.. I understand what writing that book meant.. as it helps deal with closure ..
    Love and Hugs..
    Sue

    Liked by 3 people

  21. Thanks ladies for another fun interview – always learning something now about our online friends.
    Deb, I’m excited to hear about Twenty Years, as I am also in that position, or near enough anyway (twenty four, to be precise), and I’d love to read your thoughts on the situation, you always have such clear opinions and advice.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Sally thank you for your insightful interview with our wonderful friend Debby. A rising tide raises all ships and the comments and ‘sharings’ that have followed are rich in love. Juts like you and Debby. Hugs for you all. ❤ xX

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Great interview. I am happy to get to know Debby a bit better every time I read an interview with her or when I browse her blog. She is an inspiration to me as I am working on my first book and memoir!

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Sally, a wonderfully crafted post, engaging and varied with information about Debby, her bookss, interview and touching extract. Debby, wow, I’m flabbergasted by the number of comments but not surprised, all richly deserved and proof of how your books and blogging touches so many of us. I can only agree with the warm and kind words of everyone here. Thank you for being so open to us here, sharing your experience of life and giving insights to memoir writing – which must be one of the trickiest and emotionally toughest genres. Best of luck with your latest creation! 😀❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Wonderful to learn more about Debby and to see her shine here on Sally’s platform 🙂 I’m happy to know all 3 Musketeers ❤ Debby, you are quite right that cell phones are making it harder to form a human connection.. There need to be reasonable limits put on their use.. Keep on writing, ladies!!

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Wow! This one got alot of comments! Not surprised as D G Kaye is such an eclectic writer and produces so much. So pleased it’s looking as though I’ll be able to put names to faces at The Bloggers Bash in June and feel much less nervous about going now. PS – Titles have no copyright so you can use The Three Musketeers as much as you like!

    Liked by 1 person

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