Here are the quickies…
On an old maid’s tombstone:
‘Who said you can’t take it with you?’
My wife does bird imitations: She watches me like a hawk.
What’s the difference between a canary with two wings and a canary with one?
A difference of a pinion.
Man cannot live on bread alone… He needs a bit of crumpet!
Acupuncture fees in China are so cheap it is called pin money.
In court last week a clairvoyant sued for divorce on the grounds of her husband’s adultery next week.
‘Have you ever been cross-examined before?
‘Yes your honour, I’m a married man.
‘Guilty. Ten days or two hundred dollars.’
‘I’ll take the two hundred dollars, thanks Judge.’
Did you hear about the butcher’s boy who sat on the bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
‘A little old lady.’
‘A little lady who?’
‘I didn’t know you could yodel.’
Whisky is a wonderful drink. It makes you see double and feel single.
The Bridegrooms mother arrived at the reception and looked amazing. Her husband was delighted by the attention. ‘You look stunning,’ he smiled. You should always leave your bra at home.
She blushed. ‘How did you know?’
‘Because you have lost all the wrinkles from your face!’
Courtesy of Howard Wand on FB.
Yesterday while leaving the tennis courts, I noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the fence. I picked the balls up, put them in my pocket, and proceeded on my way.
Walking toward my car, I noticed a beautiful blonde standing close by and smiling. “What are those big bulges in your tennis shorts?” she asked with a smile.. “Tennis balls.” I answered, smiling back.
“Wow,” said the blonde, looking upset. “That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable.
And if you are running out of ideas for your next book title!
A Clifftop Tragedy by Eileen Dover.
A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitt N. Caboodle
Animal Scents by Farrah Mones
Cheating on His Wife by Izzy Backyet
Confessions Of A Gold Digger by Emile Ticket
Yellow River by I.P.Daily,
Russian Lion Tamer by Claude Buttox
Carpet Laying by Walter Wall
Eating Garlic by Y.I Malone.
Pain and Sorrow by Ann Quish
The Insomniac by Eliza Wake
The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium
Wait for me by Isa Cummin.
Willie Win by Betty Wont.