Smorgasbord Time for some Laffs – Something to start the weekend with a smile.

I am sure that you have been working very hard this week and that you are looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I am hoping for some sunshine and time in the garden, although I will be in and out here of course.

I thought I would share some of the jokes I have seen around the place this week and hope you enjoy as much as I did. My thanks to those who shared these first two jokes on Facebook.

Shared by Pete Bateman on FB.

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what they’re for

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Shared by Bill Wolak – Learning to cuss

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old says “You know what? I think it’s about time we started learning to cuss.” The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues “When we go in for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When his mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies “Aw hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up and runs upstairs crying his eyes out; with his mother in hot pursuit slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts “You can stay there until I let you out! ”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know” he blubbers “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

Be careful what you wish for

A couple were on Safari and suddenly a cheetah broke cover and began chasing an antelope. The wife was horrified and looking at her husband she said.

‘If that antelope gets away from that cheetah you can have sex every night for the next year.’

Honeymoon Bliss

On the first night of their 
honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”

She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”

Thanks for dropping in and hope this has ended the week on a high note. Enjoy your weekend and please drop in tomorrow as my guest is Judith Barrow on the Book Reading at the Cafe.

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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

18 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Time for some Laffs – Something to start the weekend with a smile.

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Time for some Laffs – Something to start the weekend with a smile. | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

  2. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 your post sure gave me an LOL 😂 that cheetah joke and the pilot and maintenance. The dentist and gynecology pun 🙈🙈😂😂😂

    Thanks for the friday chuckle Ma’am Sally 💕💕
    Have a Blessed day and a great weekend 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Short Story Fest, Stevie Wonder, Lord Byron and a cast of thousands | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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