Doctors and golden oldies……
On his morning rounds the doctor called in to a little old lady that he was treating for asthma… Having checked her over, he asked a few questions and listened to her croaky replies.
‘What about the wheeze?’ he asked.
‘Oh fine,’ she replied. ‘I went three times last night!’
An older gentleman in his 70s was concerned about his sex drive and went to his doctor.
‘Well not too unexpected at your age.’ said the doctor.
The patient was still concerned. ‘But my neighbour is over 80 and says that he makes love every night.’
The doctor thought for a moment. ‘Well why don’t you say that too?’
The parish priest was a welcome visitor for short-sighted Mrs. Evans and after he had left one day she commented to her daughter how kind he was.
‘But that wasn’t the priest mum that was the doctor.’
‘Oh was it?’ Mrs Evans exclaimed with relief, ‘I thought Father O’Malley was getting a bit familiar!’
A young social worker on her weekly visit to Bert, cut up his steak and watched whilst he ate his lunch. She noticed a bowl of almonds beside his tray.
‘They were given me as a gift, but I don’t want them,’ he explained. ‘You can have them if you like.’
She said thanks and sat there and finished the bowl.
‘Funny present to give a man with no teeth,’ she remarked.
‘Oh no,’ he said. ‘They had chocolate on them then.’
Popes and Lawyers.
The Pope dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates on the same cloud as a lawyer. They are both ushered in and St. Peter assigns the lawyer to a mansion with a golf course while the Pope is confined to a single room with a radio.
Even the lawyer is surprised. ‘How come?’ he asked.
St. Peter replied: ‘We have near on 100 popes, but you are the first lawyer.’
Miss Smythe was miffed… Her pet a Chihuahua was consistently second in dog shows throughout the country… One day she decided to investigate by asking the judges why this was happening. It was explained to her that the true Chihuahua breed had smooth coats and her dog, despite being perfect in every other way, had a shaggy coat.
Miss Smythe decided to take action and popped into a local pharmacist to buy some hair remover.
The chemist handed her the latest product. ‘When you slap this on, it’s best to keep your arms up for two or three minutes,’ he said.
‘Oh it’s not for my underarms, it’s for my Chihuahua,’ she explained.
‘In that case,’ said the chemist, ‘don’t ride a bike for 30 minutes.’
Your contributions are always welcome… email me firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks for dropping in and please feel free to share.. Sally