Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – Expect the Unexpected

 

I am at the dentist as you read this.. some of us might as well have some fun!

 

The woman walked into the butchers and selected a chicken. She prodded and poked it. Lifted one wing and sniffed beneath it. Lifted the other wing and did the same thing. Finally she looked at the chicken’s rear end and gave it another sniff.

‘This chicken is not fresh,’ she declared.

‘Lady,’ said the shopkeeper, ‘do you think you could pass the same test?’

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “What is this Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… “Go get your Mother.”

A man joins a Trappist order and is told that he is allowed to say just two words every five years. After five years he speaks his two words to his superiors. ‘Bed hard’.

He is promised the problem will be looked into.

Another five years pass. This time his two words are ‘Food cold.’

Again his superiors promise to address the issue.

Five years later his two words are, ‘I quit.’ His superiors look at each other wearily.

‘We’re not in the slightest bit surprised. You’ve done nothing but complain for the last fifteen years.

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his carrot garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply,” For HEAVEN’S SAKE Dad, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the Money!”

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: “Now plant your carrots, Dad. It’s the best I could do from here.”

I hope you enjoyed..and please feel free to share… thanks Sally

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This entry was posted in humour, It is a Wonderful Life. and tagged by Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.. Bookmark the permalink.

About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

39 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – Expect the Unexpected

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – Expect the Unexpected | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

  2. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – Expect the Unexpected – Defining Ways

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Tony Bennett, Houdini and Doyle, Bad Habits, Childhood and Greece | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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