Let’s head into the weekend on a lighter note…We all get a little confused sometimes and need to talk it out.
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, “Remember that, on the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
Then, the lawyer spoke up, “Yes, but who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”
A police officer at a speed trap pulls over a car he clocks creeping along at 22 miles per hour.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are four old ladies inside — two in the front seat and two in the back, the three passengers all wide-eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I was going the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but driving significantly slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: 22 miles an hour!” the old woman explains.
Chuckling, the officer explains to her that “22” is the route number, not the speed limit. Embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks him for pointing out her error.
Before he lets them go, the policeman asks, “Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken.”
“Oh,” the driver replies, “they’ll be all right in a minute. We just got off Route 148.”
Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing and boasting about their sons.
‘My Jack,’ said Lily, is such a wonderful boy, each week he visits me for two hours and brings me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. Once a month he takes me out to a restaurant for Sunday lunch and anything I need, I just have to mention it and it is there.
‘Well’, said Mary a little tartly. ‘My Angus lives with me and every morning brings up a tray to my room with a fully cooked breakfast and a pot of tea with a white rose in a bud vase. He comes home from work every day to make me soup and a sandwich and then in the evening we watch television with a wonderful supper he has prepared’.
Molly held up her hand and smiled smugly at her friends. ‘I don’t want to take away from your love for your sons and what they do for you but I think that my son Michael is the king of sons. Three times a week he pays someone £150 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them about me.. and only me!’
An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength.
After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was.
The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.”
“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”
Have a great weekend and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do……share the smiles thanks Sally