Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Joys of Marriage……..

Welcome to some more funnies to help move the week along with a smile…..unless you are married of course (only kidding).

 

Marriage Counseling

A husband and wife are having major problems after 15 years of marriage, so they go to a counsellor.

The counsellor asks them what the problem is. The wife launches into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they’ve been married. She goes on and on and on.

Finally, the counsellor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her very passionately. The woman shuts up and stares at him quietly in a daze.

The counsellor then turns to the husband and says, “Your wife is lonely. This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thinks for a moment and replies, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Tuesdays I play poker, Thursdays I go bowling, and Fridays I go sailing. Do you work Saturdays?”

 

A widow’s grief

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

“Aye, That he did, Father…”

“And what did he say?”

“He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down that damn gun…”

 

Gone Fishing.

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise.”

The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”

The Henpecked Husband

A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you’re the boss.”

The man was on fire with enthusiasm and couldn’t wait to try the doctor’s advice! He rushed home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now on, you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs, and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I’m going out with the boys and you’re going to stay home where you belong.

And another thing…you know who’s going to comb my hair, iron my pants, Polish my shoes and tie my tie?”

“I certainly do,” said his wife calmly,

“The undertaker.”

Thank you for dropping in and please feel free to pass on the marital woes bliss…. thanks Sally

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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

44 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Joys of Marriage……..

  1. Very very Funny Sally. Hard to choose a favourite but if I that to the Pearl one… rebait the trap..Sick and heartless. I loved it… Hmmm what does that say about me????

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Joys of Marriage…….. – The Militant Negro™

  3. These look like something from the 50s, a very sexist time in our world!
    Peace,
    Sherrie
    Sherrie Miranda’s historically based, coming of age, Adventure novel “Secrets & Lies in El Salvador” will be out en Español very soon! It is about an American girl in war-torn El Salvador:
    http://tinyurl.com/klxbt4y
    Her husband made a video for her novel. He wrote the song too:

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: *press it* Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Joys of Marriage…….. #15 | Its good to be crazy Sometimes

  5. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up. – Irish Folklore, Debut Authors and U2…. | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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