Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Job Applicant, Life’s Little Annoyances, Wishes and Neighbours

The Job Applicant

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED: Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A short time later, a dog trotted up to the office and saw the sign. He went inside and looked at the secretary and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign and barked. Getting the message the secretary got the manager who looked at the dog and was surprised to say the least. However, the dog looked determined so he led him into his office.

The dog jumped into a chair and sat staring at the manager. ‘I can’t hire you. The advert says you must be able to type’. With that the dog jumped down from the chair and went over to another desk where there was a typewriter. He stood on his back legs and typed out a perfect letter, retrieved with his teeth and returned to the manager. The dog jumped back into his chair and stared at the amazed man.

‘The job requires you to be good with a computer.’ The dog jumped down again and went over to the manager’s desktop and pushed him to one side. Again on his hind legs he created a spreadsheet and printed it off. By this time the office manager was pretty gobsmacked.

‘I appreciate that you have some outstanding abilities and are very intelligent. However, I still can’t give you the job. The dog went out to the front office and reached up to pull the sign off the window.. He returned and put it on the desk in front of the manager with his paw on the line about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager agreed. ‘ Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual’

The dog looked calmly at the manager and said ‘Meow’

Life’s little annoyances.

  • The tiny red string on the band aid wrapper never works for you.
  • You have to try on sunglasses with that stupid plastic tag in the middle of them.
  • There is always a car riding on your tail when you’re slowing down to find an address.
  • You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
  • You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
  • You wash your clothes with a tissue stuck up a sleeve and all your washing comes out covered in little white specks.
  • You set your alarm for 7pm instead of 7am.
  • You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary as you don’t know how to spell it.. neither can Google apparently.
  • You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you are just browsing.

Be careful what you wish for.

A man finds a magic lamp and feeling lucky rubs with his hand. Out pops a genie who grants him three wishes. ‘I would like 5 million pounds please’. Immediately he is surrounded by plastic wrapped wads of £50 notes. He thinks for a moment and then says ‘I would like a convertible Rolls Royce please’. There on the drive of his house is a brand new silver luxury car. His third wish didn’t require much thought. ‘I would like to be irresistible to women please’. There is a massive flash and bang and he is transformed into a box of chocolates.

 

Neighbours.

An old lady calls the police to complain that her neighbour, a young man, walks around his house naked without drawing the blinds. The policeman goes to the window of her flat and stares at the house next door.

‘Madam, you cannot see into his window from here’.

‘No,’ says the old lady, ‘you have to climb on the bookcase and look through the skylight.’

Thanks for dropping by today and hope you have enjoyed.. please pass on the smiles. Sally

 

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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

26 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Job Applicant, Life’s Little Annoyances, Wishes and Neighbours

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Militant Negro™

  2. Sally these are excellent. I was howling at life’s little annoyances.. Especially where you can’t spell a word and so can’t look it up and cutting your tongue on an envelope( that is so ghastly)..And the mother Teaching you things.. .think we had the same mother. and finally the southern home security system. I also got a joke about a bloke and a genie but it’s so rude I will have to email it to you. It’s funny though! Pxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Snowed in with Madonna, Muses, Snake Fruit and special guests. | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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