Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Don’t underestimate old lady drivers and Blonde moments.

I have been browsing through my joke directory and being elderly and blonde and thought I would reshare.. I would add that there will be plenty of other jokes aimed at redheads, elderly men and other maligned minorities in due course….

An elderly lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer : Ma’am, you were speeding.
Oh, I see.

Officer : Can I see your license please?
I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer : Don’t have one?
Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer : I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
I can’t do that.

Officer : Why not?
 I stole this car.

Officer : Stole it?
Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer : You what?
His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Is there a problem sir?

Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Murdered the owner?

Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2 : Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

 And for those of us who are decidedly happy being blonde….

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband,

“Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should, she was standing on it.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Thanks for dropping in and please feel free to share the smiles. Thanks Sally


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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at

26 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Don’t underestimate old lady drivers and Blonde moments.

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Militant Negro™

  2. Loved it especially the second one, being a natural blonde who now wears red from a bottle I decided I could enjoy… Also being classed as elderly now I have filed the first one away for possible use in the future 💜

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Madonna, Molly Bloom, Easter Treats and Predictions. | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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