Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Delusion, paternity issues and a right earful

 Time for a smile or two… or more if you are so inclined……

Psychiatry

A young man laboured under the delusion that he was a Yorkshire terrier. His friends persuaded him to seek professional help and he went to a psychiatrist for a course of treatment. Some weeks later, he met one of his friends in the street. ‘And how are things now?’ asked his friend. ‘Did the psychiatrist cure you?’

‘Oh yes,’ said the young man. ‘I’m quite okay now. Fit as a fiddle – here, feel my nose.’

Psychiatry part two.

A woman walked into a psychiatrist’s office carrying a duck under her arm. ‘What seems to be the problem?’ asked the psychiatrist. ‘Well, it’s not me, actually,’ said the woman. ‘It’s my husband. He thinks he’s a duck.’

A Moral story.

It was a freezing cold day in the snow-covered steppes of Siberia… A young boy was walking along when he spotted a tiny bird being chased by a fox. The boy picked up the bird, and just then a horse came along and left a large deposit in the road.

The boy scooped out a hole in the deposit and carefully placed the bird in it. It was warm and it poked its head out of the hole and began to sing with joy. But the hungry fox was still lurking nearby and it pounced on the little bird and gobbled it up.

The moral of this story is two-fold. First, it is not always you enemies who drop you in it. And, second, if you are up to your neck in it, keep your mouth shut.

Weight Loss

‘I’m prescribing these pills for you,’ said the doctor to the grossly overweight patient, who tipped the scales at 300lbs. ‘I don’t want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up one at a time.’

 

Paternity

The old man was dying and he called his wife and family to his bedside. There were four sons – three fine, big boys and a scrawny one. He said to his wife in a weak voice, ‘Don’t lie to me now – I want to know the truth. The skinny boy – is he really mine?’

‘Oh, yes, dear,’ said his wife. ‘He really is – I give you my word of honour.’

The old man smiled and slipped away peacefully. With a sigh of relief the widow muttered, ‘Thank goodness he didn’t ask me about the other three!’

And finally…..

A brief summary about what is being said in this short video please… and remember it is a family show.. I think someone did not come home last night…….

I hope you have enjoyed today’s selection and will pass the fun on.. thank you.. Sally

25 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Delusion, paternity issues and a right earful

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Militant Negro™

  2. How do Odessa jokes travel the world? You’re missing a piece, Sally: “it’s not your enemy who drops you into it, and it’s not your friend who pulls you out.” The punchline was very much meant as political satire during Stalin’s times: if you are up to your neck in it, don’t chirp.
    The one about spilling pills on the floor was originally about 2 kg of chocolates: you don’t eat them; just keep spilling them on the floor and picking them up one by one.
    I love the yelling senile cat video – hilarious!
    Much love,
    Dolly

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Delusion, paternity issues and a right earful | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

  4. Some absolutely humdingers here sally. The one about dropping the pills and picking them up twice a day should defo be on the NHS…. it would save billions!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Madonna, Primulas, Lemon Grass Chicken and Springtime Literature | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

I would be delighted to receive your feedback (by commenting, you agree to Wordpress collecting your name, email address and URL) Thanks Sally

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.