An old Farmer……..Trust me there is an animal in here somewhere…..
An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a large pond out the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, BBQ and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, to look it over. He grabbed a large bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or to make you get out of the pond.”
Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the crocodile.”
Parrots……..
John received a parrot as a gift. Unfortunately, the parrot had a bad attitude, an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, laced with profanity.
John tried to change the parrot’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up he yelled at the parrot. The bird yelled back! John shook the parrot but the bird only got angrier even ruder.
In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked kicked screamed. Then suddenly, there was total silence. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms said
“I believe I may have offended you with my crude language actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude unforgivable behaviour.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued .”May I ask what the turkey did?”
Cats……...
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat. “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, peed on the paper, assaulted the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave
Rabbits
A pack of wolves are chasing two rabbits, which take shelter in a thorn bush. The wolves prowl around, waiting for the rabbits to emerge. One rabbit turns to the other and says,
‘What do you want to do, make a break for it or wait until we outnumber them?’
Cows
The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice.
“Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.”
The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?”
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.
“You are truly a wise veterinarian,” they said. “How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?”
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes and says, “My wife is from Sicily.”
Thanks for dropping in and hope you have enjoyed the laughter…. please feel free to pass on.. thanks Sally
OH SO FUNNY!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Catalina and for sharing. hugs xx
LikeLike
Reblogged this on ❧Defining Ways❧.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really enjoyed this. Thank you Sally.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Patrick good to hear.
LikeLike
Oh those are great! It’s dreary here in SoCal today and I’m struggling with my WIP. You’ve cheered me on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great to hear Jacqui and I am sure that it will be worth it. XX
LikeLike
Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Militant Negro™
Thank you for sharing the laughter…
LikeLike
Sally, Laugh out loud ones here.. Feed the crocodile, the Sicilian cow and the cat named Coffee break are genius PXXXXXX
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am rather fond of the cow….XXXXX
LikeLiked by 2 people
My DH added to the cat trap one., he says a box is a cat trap, a bag is a portable cat trap. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am with him on that.. we used to house sit a cat from an early age and we trained her to be carried in a linen table mat sown to two plastic hangers like a sling and she loved it and we could carry her between apartments very happily.. xxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw, cute!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Get ready for FRIDAY – courtesy of Sally 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Chris… watch out for crocodiles… hugs xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
You bet – Snappy little devils – Hugs ❤ ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lots of new ones there – 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Lucinda.. hugs xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Viv Drewa – The Owl Lady.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing Viv… hugs xx
LikeLike
Pingback: These gave me a good laugh. | Dragons Rule OK.
These are hilarious. Reblogged on Dragons Rule OK and commented ‘These are so funny’
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much.. so pleased that you enjoyed.. have a good weekend.. Sally
LikeLike
Thanks Sally, and thanks for the giggle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😎 Loved them
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Chuck…hugs xx
LikeLike
So funny, Sally!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Jennie..xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Sally.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on blogging807.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much for sharing Rae.. have a good weekend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: *Press it*Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Animals do the craziest things! And old farmers! #27 | Its good to be crazy Sometimes
Reblogged this on Writer's Treasure Chest and commented:
And some humor from Smorgasbord – Thanks for the giggles, Sally!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks and for sharing Aurora Jean.. have a lovely weekend.. hugs x
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was my pleasure, Sally! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So funny!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Linda.. hugs xx
LikeLike
Thank you Sally!! you are pure magic!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Hector.. glad to oblige.. xx
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Therapy Bits and commented:
Lol. ya gotta love animals! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing..
LikeLike