Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Writing Witticisms and Nonsense.

A few snippets from the archives on the subject of our chosen line of work……. writing. 

Great Expectations

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “Great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

English Professor

“In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

And if you are looking for inspiration for your next novel’s title.

A Clifftop Tragedy  by Eileen Dover.
A Whole Lot of Cats  by Kitt N. Caboodle
Animal Scents by Farrah Mones
Cheating on His Wife by  Izzy Backyet
Confessions Of A Gold Digger by Emile Ticket
Yellow River by I.P.Daily,
Russian Lion Tamer by Claude Buttox
Carpet Laying by Walter Wall
Eating Garlic by Y.I Malone.
Pain and Sorrow by Ann Quish
Russian Striptease by Eva Vestov
The Insomniac by Eliza Wake
The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium
Wait for me by Isa Cummin.
Willie Win by Betty Wont.

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does it *have* to be changed?

How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

Ode to the Spell Check

Eye halve a spelling chequer

It cam with my pea sea

It plainly marques four my revue

Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word

And weight four it two say

Weather eye am wrong oar write

It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid

It nose bee fore two long

And eye can put the error rite

Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it

I am shore your pleased two no

Its letter perfect awl the weigh

My chequer tolled me sew!

Thank you for dropping by today and hope you have enjoyed… thanks Sally

This entry was posted in humour, Smorgasbord Laughter Lines and tagged by Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.. Bookmark the permalink.

About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

45 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Writing Witticisms and Nonsense.

  1. All of them are excellent Sally And I too have the secret hoe about one day writing something worth plagiarizing!!!! Wouldn’t that be lovely. But Now I am cured of wanting to write something everyone will read crying out in pain and anguish! Pxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Sally, Thank you. Ha ha… Where would we be without humour, eh?! ‘Im indoors is quite a wit and thank goodness for that…A few of his ‘Epitaphs’ from our book ‘The Moon is Wearing a Tutu’ “Spotted on the headstone of an ex Jewish Auctioneer: ‘Cohen, Cohen…gone!’ and “George Prendergast reached 100…on the M1…” Cheers. Hugs x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Pingback: Some hilarious thoughts. – Dragons Rule OK.

  4. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Update. – Aretha Franklin, Restoration Women, Hot Soup and Texas Thunderstorms | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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