A numbers game
On his 80th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an American Doctor who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband visited the Doctor who gave him some medicine in a bottle and warned,
“This is powerful medication. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want.”
The man thanked the Doctor, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’ he responded, “but when those words are spoken, the medicine will not work again for six months.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: “1-2-3!”
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
THE MORAL: we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists’ high counter is located.
I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.
The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me? Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along.
He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.
Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, now, does that taste sweet to you?”
The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!”
I said, “Oh, thank God! That’s a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!”
I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don’t care, because they aren’t very friendly there anymore
A taxi driver picked up a nun. She noticed him watching in the rearview mirror after she got into the back seat. “Is something bothering you, my son?”
“I’m sorry, Sister. I’d rather not say.”
“Go on. I may be a nun, but I’ve heard a lot of things in my time.”
“I’ve had this fantasy, Sister, my whole life, of kissing a nun.”
“That’s alright, son. I can oblige, but I have two conditions. You must be Catholic and unmarried.
“I’m both of those, Sister.”
“Pull in there son.” She pointed to an alley.
Ten minutes later, they came out. The nun noticed the driver crying. “What is it, my son?”
“I lied, sister. I’m not Catholic; I’m Jewish and I’m married.”
“That’s alright, my son. I’m Kevin, and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
“Can you read this?” the optician asked.
“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”
During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.
Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, “Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse”.
Thanks for popping in today and I hope this brought some laughter into your life…Sally