Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Pharmacists and side effects!

Posted on May 17, 2018 by Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

Little Blue Pills

Michael O’Riley and his wife both in their 80s arrive at the doctor’s office and sit across the desk from him holding hands.

“You are both looking fine, how can I help you today?”

Michael smiles shyly at him…

“Well Doctor, you see, I have heard that them little blue pills that are available on the health service might help Mary and I improve our love life.”

Slightly taken aback the doctor regarded the eager couple for a moment or two..

“Well Michael, you see, you have a heart condition and those pills now, could cause you a dreadful problem in that department, so I don’t think that it would be a good idea.”

“Well Doctor, said Mary, “Do you think we might give them a try just once or twice and see if they work or not?”

Reluctantly the doctor wrote out a prescription for 12 pills but with very strict instructions.

“You are to only take every other day.. So, Take Monday, skip Tuesday, take Wednesday, skip Thursday, take Friday, skip Saturday and take Sunday.

“Right you are doctor and thank you.” The couple went on the way happily clasping the prescription.

Three weeks later Mary comes to see the doctor and tearfully tells him that Michael has expired.

“Oh jeez, was it the pills? Did Michael take them as I prescribed?

“Of course doctor, just as you told us. Take Monday, skip Tuesday, take Wednesday, skip Thursday, take Friday, skip Saturday and take Sunday.

“Then what killed him Mary?”

“It was the skipping”.

Hiccups

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What did you do that for?” the man asks.

“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”

The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”

A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said,

“Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, ‘I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! They’ll throw both of us in jail!’

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, ‘Well, now. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.’

A Short History of Medicine

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.” (This one is dear to my heart)

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

An instant cure.

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the pharmacy and asked, “Excuse me, I’ve lost my wife and can’t find her anywhere. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?”

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”