Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Fifty Sheds of Grey, Tree Hugging and One-Liners

Another way of looking at it! Double-entendres (a bit saucy).

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” and its sequels have seduced women – and baffled blokes.

Now an alternative for men, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for
the men.

The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love
encounters at the bottom of the garden.

Here are some extracts………………………

Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a
wall…
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was
the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want
with me.”
So I took her to McDonalds.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
harder.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes,
chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
“Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the
shed roof.”

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be
punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me
the receipt.

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be
able to sit down for weeks.”
She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

“Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously,” she said,
gently massaging my back as we listened to her Barry Manilow CD.

The dangers of being a tree hugger!

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?” He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a ‘recreational area’ so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

And I’m sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.

And a few one liners…

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about antigravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro… What a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Sporty?

My skiing skills are really going downhill

I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve.. He kept returning it

What do say to an impatient Jockey? Hold your horses.

I think there are about 1 to 2 million baseball fields in the world but that is just a ballpark number.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I hope you enjoyed and were not too overcome by the Fifty Sheds of Grey.. personally I thought more realistic and true to life than the original…..Please feel free to pass on… thanks Sally

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This entry was posted in humour, Smorgasbord Laughter Lines and tagged , by Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.. Bookmark the permalink.

About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

19 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Fifty Sheds of Grey, Tree Hugging and One-Liners

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – The Militant Negro™

  2. Pingback: Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Josh Groban, Getting to Know Carol Taylor and Barbara Villiers unveiled. | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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