Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – More One Liners and Snippets #Jokes

All the world’s a stage, but the play is badly cast.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we’re through with it.

I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Quoting one is plagiarism…quoting many is research.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

 

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

I don’t do drugs anymore ’cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for about a buck at the bowling alley.

I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Thanks for dropping in and please feel free to share the smiles… Sally.