Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Truisms and life’s little wrinkles

Knowledge and Faith

Father O’Grady was preaching the difference between knowledge and faith.

‘In the front row we have Teresa and Shamus with their six children,’ he said. ‘Teresa knows they are her children. That’s knowledge. Shamus believes they are his children. That’s faith.’

Restaurants.

There is a Mongolian-Jewish restaurant. It’s called Genghis Cohen..

******

Two crayfish in a restaurant’s aquarium realised that this would probably be their last night together. The male started kissing and cuddling the female. She said: ‘Okay, but will you still respect me in the mornay?’

******

A Scot, Irishman and an Englishman were dining together in a restaurant. When the waiter cleared away the coffee the Scot was heard to ask for the bill.

Next day the newspaper headlines declared: Irish Ventriloquist shot in restaurant.

Salesmanship

Sid was told if he did not sell more toothbrushes he would be fired. One month later his sales record had soared and his manager called him in to explain the dramatic turnaround.

Sid explained that he had got tired of calling at pharmacies and had set up a little stall at the main train station with some crackers and a new dip.

‘Try my dip,’ he would say, and a constant stream of people did so. When they enquired about the ingredients of the dip, Sid told them: ‘Garlic and Chicken poop!’

They would go ‘Aaaargh!’ and spit it out.

Then Sid would say: ‘Would you like to buy a toothbrush?’

Never look a gift Porsche in the mouth…..

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to fuss,“Where did you get that car???!!!”He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

So the parents began to panic and asked.“Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they said.“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “I don’t know her name; they just moved in.She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh, my goodness,” moaned the mother to the boy’s father, “John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know what was going on.

“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary. The secretary took his money and left him after they had arrived. He called me and claimed he was robbed and stranded.

He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”

Thanks for dropping in today and hope you have enjoyed.. Please feel free to pass along.. Sally.

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About Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

My name is Sally Cronin and I am doing what I love.. Writing. Books, short stories, Haiku and blog posts. My previous jobs are only relevant in as much as they have gifted me with a wonderful filing cabinet of memories and experiences which are very useful when putting pen to paper. I move between non-fiction health books and posts and fairy stories, romance and humour. I love variety which is why I called my blog Smorgasbord Invitation and you will find a wide range of subjects. You can find the whole story here. Find out more at https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/about-me/

26 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Truisms and life’s little wrinkles

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Update – Music, Cookery, Travel, Health and Books | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

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