Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Guest Comedian D.G. Kaye and another joke from Sally’s archives

Debby Gies has been scouring the Internet for some funnies to share with you as my guest… D.G. Kaye Writer Blog and I have been delving into the archives for a quickie or two…..

Thanks again Debby you are hired for the seaon…..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

And a joke from my archives…especially for those who are scared of flying……

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

• P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
• S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
• P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
• S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
• P: Something loose in cockpit.
• S: Something tightened in cockpit.
• P: Dead bugs on windshield.
• S: Live bugs on back-order.
• P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
• S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
• P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
• S: Evidence removed.
• P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
• S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
• P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
• S: DME volume set to more believable level.
• P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
• S: That’s what they’re for
• P: IFF inoperative.
• S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
• P: Suspected crack in windshield.
• S: Suspect you’re right.
• P: Number 3 engine missing.
• S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
• P: Aircraft handles funny.
• S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
• P: Target radar hums.
• S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyric
• P: Mouse in cockpit.
• S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.

• P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
• S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

Thank you for dropping in today and if you have enjoyed please pass on the laughter. Thanks Sally