Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – More Christmas Funnies

I have been delving into the archives with the saucier side of snowmen and women…..and our resident foodie Carol Taylor Food Column found a wonderful one and shared last week on Facebook.

Christmas at the races.

Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, a jockey was well ahead of the field. Suddenly he was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas Crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.

With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted he succeeded in coming in only second.

He immediately went to the stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

“That’s still quite a bit,” Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, “What I mean,” he said, “is I’d like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A special gift for Christmas

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

T.V game show

The TV game show was really close. One contestant was asked to name 2 of Santa’s reindeer. The contestant gave a sigh thinking that he had finally been given an easy question, “Rudolph and Olive!”

The host asked the contestant, “We’ll accept Rudolph but can you explain Olive?”

The man looked at the host and said, “You know, ‘Olive,’ the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..

 

Thanks for popping in and hope it has brought a smile to your face.. why not spread them around.. Sally

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35 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – More Christmas Funnies

  1. LOL, Sally. Thanks. Wonder where I can get a ditto sign. I want to send a phony note from the FAA to my neighbor letting him know his light display is hampering landings at the airport. (or from NASA telling him his show can be seen from Mars.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I culdn’t hep but smile at the house with the “ditto”. Several years ago, a neighbor did exactly that. Sadly, the incredibly lit house has new owners, who don’t decorate at all. So glad I got pictures!! Thanks for the funnies, Sally! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Christmas Celebrations – The Weekly Round Up – More parties, books, stories and music.. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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