Delighted to share the third of Balroop Singh’s posts from her archives and this week she takes a look at arranged marriages, including her own which has been incredibly happy, but others are not so fortunate… Balroop explores how this tradition is still maintained in the present day.
Why I Married At 23…Sometimes We Do Make Wrong Decisions!
Our decisions cling to us, we have to live with some of them all our life. We might live in the shadow of regret because we didn’t have the maturity to ponder. We didn’t have the guts to speak up, to express our resentment, to rise against what appeared to be a wrong decision.
What if a parent or sibling makes those life-changing decisions?
What if they were made under societal pressures or moral bindings?
What if they are seen to be quite right by everybody around us?
All these questions didn’t crop up when I married at 23 (actually 22+) and it happened to be a happy marriage.
Thankfully, I have lived by that decision without any regrets.
I am not alone!
I know many girls marry at this age, out of choice. But the million-dollar question is: Are they enlightened enough to gather the import of such a decision?
When there is an unwritten decree that you have to marry when you are asked to just because it is convenient for the people around you, when the society values your muteness at such decisions, when you are expected to concur with what your near and dear ones decide for you, when you don’t want to displease them…do you have any choice?
In many cases that decision may turn you into a puppet, a slave, a housemaid, a sex symbol, a money-churning machine – who cares? You are seen as respectfully, happily married woman!
Now many such questions stare at me and I realize how simple, how immature and young I was at that time.
I couldn’t even understand that I was abdicating my dream, my aspiration.
I was told that I could still pursue it. I just chose to forget it but that is another story!
I was told that everybody must settle down. I could hardly fathom the depth of those words.
Did I have a choice? I was not expected to question or even see the man I was supposed to marry though I did raise some queries and insisted on meeting him at least once.
It is another matter that I met a kind and understanding man.
All those who are married off like this are not that lucky.
Those were probably primitive times…we didn’t have any Google to ask all those questions. We just had a radio and a gramophone, which sang away to glory and who was interested in the news that women had been granted equal status, that they too could claim their rights!?
Nothing has changed in this technology driven, digital world.
The unwritten diktats of the society follow young, naïve girls to their grave.
Younger brides can be easily molded, that is the belief. They can’t wield much power and will-power, this weakness can be easily exploited.
I didn’t have the power or the authority; they too face the same scenario.
The patriarchal societies are driven by the same age-old traditions of marrying a young girl, demanding (or expecting) dowry and considering the wife as a personal property.
My own niece met with the same fate and I couldn’t do anything! Isn’t it strange? But she chose to divorce!
She could only do so when the choice lay in her own hands and I appreciate her bold step.
I am not shifting any blame.
I could have also made a wrong decision. Many people do so.
I am only trying to understand how much has our society evolved. How much freedom have we attained and who have actually got that freedom?
At the same time, I am awe struck at the wrong decisions made in the western world, where dating at teenage endows them with too much of freedom.
They have all the choices!
We all make wrong decisions but when we make them ourselves, we move on, thinking it was a bad dream, a little mistake, and an aberration.
How long will the societal oppressions keep demanding the sacrifices of young, innocent girls? How long would their ambitions be thwarted by the biased demands of their culture and dogmas?
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Image adapted from: http://kenmclane.org
Here is Balroop’s latest release Timeless Echoes, Poetry for young adults and teens.
About Timeless Echoes
Certain desires and thoughts remain within our heart, we can’t express them, we wait for the right time, which never comes till they make inroads out of our most guarded fortresses to spill on to the pages of our choice. This collection is an echo of that love, which remained obscure, those yearnings that were suppressed, the regrets that we refuse to acknowledge. Many poems seem personal because they are written in first person but they have been inspired from the people around me – friends and acquaintances who shared their stories with me.
Some secrets have to remain buried because they are ours
We do share them but only with the stars
The tears that guarded them were as precious as flowers
Soothing like balm on festering scars.
While there are no boxes for grief and joy, some persons in our life are more closely associated with these emotions. Their separation shatters us, their memories echo, we grieve but life does not stagnate for anyone…it is more like a river that flows despite the boulders. When imagination and inspiration try to offer solace, poetry that you are about to read springs forth.
One of the reviews for the collection
In “Timeless Echoes,” the author searches within to share the trials and tribulations of life in unique poetic imagery that delves deeply into the human spirit echoing within each of us. Love of nature, love of family, grace and forgiveness are among the themes encompassed in Singh’s timeless collection.
Head over and buy the collection: https://www.amazon.com/Timeless-Echoes-Balroop-Singh-ebook/dp/B07F1VVJK7/
Also by Balroop Singh
Read the reviews and buy the books: https://www.amazon.com/Balroop-Singh/e/B00N5QLW8U
and Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Balroop-Singh/e/B00N5QLW8U
Read more reviews and follow Balroop on Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7340810.Balroop_Singh
About Balroop Singh
Balroop Singh, a former teacher, an educationalist, a blogger, a poet and an author always had a passion for writing. The world of her imagination has a queer connection with realism. She could envision the images of her own poetry while teaching the poems. Her dreams saw the light of the day when she published her first book: ‘Sublime Shadows Of Life.’ She has always lived through her heart.
She is a great nature lover; she loves to watch birds flying home. The sunsets allure her with their varied hues that they lend to the sky. She can spend endless hours listening to the rustling leaves and the sound of waterfalls. She lives in Danville, California.
Connect to Balroop Singh.
Thank you for dropping in today and to Balroop for her thought provoking post..We would love to hear from you..
If you would like to share some posts from your archives that deserve to be read again and by a different audience, as well as promote your work.. then this is how…
Posts from Your Archives and the theme this time is all about family.
- Personal memories of childhood or teens that are still fresh in your mind.
- Family history, stories of your parents, grandparents and further back if you can.
- Fur family past and present.
- Favourite recipes.
- Memorable holidays.
- Places you have lived.
- Memorable homes you have lived in.
- Grandchildren tales.
- Any family related post – education, health, teen years, elderly care, lifestyle.
- Please remember that there are some younger readers who visit.
I think you get the idea.
The aim of this series is to showcase your blog and any creative work that you do from books, art, photography and crafts. You pick between one and four links to posts that you have written for your own blog from the day you started up to December 2018, and you simply send the link to those blogs to email@example.com
You have to do nothing more as I will capture the post and images from your blog and I will then post with full copyright to you.. with your creative work and your links to buy and to connect. I might sometimes need a little more information but I am quite resourceful in finding out everything I need.
So far in the Posts from Your Archives from September 2017, there have been over 700 posts from 200 + bloggers that have reached a different audience and encouraged more readers for their own blogs and current posts.
The only issue is the number of photographs and if there are more than five photographs in the post I will do a reblog rather than a separate post. (Media space)
Previous participants are more than welcome