Smorgasbord Health Column – Guest Writer – D.G. Kaye – What I did Yesterday — Besides Having a #Colonoscopy

D.G. Kaye.. Debby Gies has updated her post from 2015 on her experience with a colonoscopy which was repeated last week. It is one of those things that people are reluctant to talk about, but needs to be demystified and discussed.


What I did Yesterday — Besides Having a #Colonoscopy by D.G. Kaye

As I was digging through some older posts, I came across this one I wrote 4 years ago after a colonoscopy and before another one was to come, and I’ve had a few more since that time.

Although this post is quite humorous in parts, colonoscopy is serious business. We all dread them, and if you’re anything like me, worse than the actual procedure is the poison prep we have to drink the day prior to the test. In this post I share some of the humorous findings I came across while searching out alternative methods to getting the guck down, but no matter how you slice it, a beast is still a beast, even with lipstick.

Since the time of this posting, I have managed to find the potion of lesser evil that actually works for me, but everyone’s system is different so what works for some may not be as effective for others. Just remember, having a colonoscopy can literally save your life. So many people who have them have had polyps found and removed in routine checks which could ultimately have led to colon cancer left unchecked. So put on your big girl/boy pants, choose your potion and do yourself and your families a favor and get yourselves checked!

Colonoscopy – An ugly word, with fearful connotations.

Yesterday I went for my overdue colonoscopy appointment. When I say overdue, I mean that it’s been three and a half years since my last one, and consequently, that was my first one.

After having my first one and enduring the awful, but not most awful of all the preps, I was lectured then by the gastroenterologist because I didn’t take the prep she instructed me to take, and my colon wasn’t 100% clear. Although, she had told me it was clear enough to see, and that I was fine. I was elated to hear the good news. But she also informed me that because I have Crohn’s disease, I should be having an annual colonoscopy.

I pleaded my case to her that my Crohn’s is holistically under control, I eat a healthy diet, and being that I had a clean bill of health from her, could she please let me do it every three years. Thankfully I won my plea, and she conceded.

So last fall, I was to have my three-year scope, but life was happening for me in full force, one crisis led to another, and the winter had passed in 2015. My doctor’s referral for this scope was to end by May, so I booked the appointment, and yesterday was the day.

Now, let me preface this by saying, the procedure itself is really no big deal, honestly! I mean, I go to this lovely digestive clinic where everyone is treated so well by lovely nurses, they put you in what looks like a small hospital ward, each with his own private curtain and gurney, and eventually you are wheeled into the small operating room, asked to verify some questions we previously filled out on the forms, and wham, we’re put under with anaesthetic. Just the way I like it!

But heaven help us all, that preparation the day before to cleanse the colon is the most vile, disgusting, nauseating, ass-burning day to endure. (I probably could have used more adjectives here!)

Getting back to the prep, after my first colonoscopy, I was reprimanded for taking something other than what was prescribed. The doctor didn’t feel that the prep I used (Citromag), was effective enough to empty the colon. I had researched something easier than what she had prescribed to ingest. All the preps are disgusting enough as is, and I am the sort of person who gags from a teaspoon of cough medicine. I also have a very slow digestive transit time, thus I get full very quickly, food and liquids hang around my upper stomach much longer than the average person’s.

The difference between taking Citromag and the many other formulas, is that you only have to drink two – 300 ml. bottles of gross stuff, chased down intermittently with 64 ounces of water throughout the day. This is a cakewalk compared to drinking 4 LITRES of other gross stuff mixed in with the water!

Now I cannot even conceive the thought of drinking 16 GLASSES of liquid in a few hours span, even if it were my favourite drink, let alone with the vile taste and consistency. So, once again, I drank the Citromag and gagged from the briney/sugary mixture of fake lemonade, but held it down.

It took almost 5 HOURS until anything started to happen, other than the huge hard feeling and distention of my stomach, and nausea. Even after the rumbling urges came, they weren’t of much substance other than many Niagara Falls- like liquid showers. I was bloated, tired, starving — I was sure this prep was not going to be effective. I wasn’t wrong!

After I had the procedure done, and the doctor called me in for consult, I was informed that I wasn’t properly cleaned out, and I had to admit my crime of not taking her prescribed method of choice. The doctor then added that from the parts she could see through, she had found, removed, and sent for biopsy, two polyps. Just as I was processing the fears that came attached to this news, she then added that I was to come back in 2 MONTHS to do it all over again to be sure there was nothing else she missed. I immediately froze in fear. I knew my charade of switching preps was no longer effective for my lazy colon, and I didn’t have three years to put it on the back burner.

I began to panic with worry about my biopsy results, and what on earth was I going to have to drink, worse than what I had already ingested.

I returned home around noon and made myself a piece of toast and an egg. Surprisingly, after 36 hours without food and starving, I no longer felt hungry. My husband went back to work and I got on the computer to catch up with emails and intentions of doing revisions on my next book. But the looming fear within me about having another colonoscopy wouldn’t allow me to concentrate on anything other than searching for a potion that I could possibly tolerate for ROUND 2.

I checked my emails then went directly to Google. I typed in numerous search words with the names of each prep available here in Canada and the U.S. And then I went on forums to read about other people’s experiences with different potions, and read about their stories and success rates. I was obsessed and engulfed in the stories and blogs I read. There were moments I laughed so hard at some descriptions, and I could barely breathe as I pictured them.

Many offered tips and tricks about how to get through the dreaded prep process. The most repetitive information I read was to stay close to the loo, (I know that) have baby wipes handy to ease the soreness down below from the acidic explosions, and to use baby zinc cream to comfort and protect the delicate area below from the sting. But when I read about some various methods used to ingest the vile and copious amounts of liquid, I couldn’t stop laughing.

One girl advised to cover your nose with a Bounce dryer sheet as you gulped, to avoid the smell, which enhances the flavor. Many advised to drink from a straw and to make sure it’s placed at the back of the tongue to avoid the front palate where most of the taste buds are located. Others had their own rendition of avoiding to taste, admitting there was no way to fully mask it. But the most hysterical description I read was from a boy who was trying to describe what his prep tasted like. He said, “Imagine a hockey team’s socks soaking in a tub overnight, and then drinking the water.” I gagged at reading it, as well as doubled over in laughter. Another said that he sat on the throne so long that his foot fell asleep and he didn’t know it until he got up and his foot turned over and he sprained his ankle.

I processed so much information, that before I knew it, I had been sitting at the computer for 6 HOURS! It was 8PM and I had yet to eat dinner. My work day had vanished while it was spent investigating ways I could get through the next scope.

It really is a procedure feared by the masses. The actual procedure is nothing, like I mentioned, but that prep day is the horrific part that keeps people from having the procedure done.

Yes I’m nerved out about doing a repeat and then having scopes annually after, but I have to do it. These polyps they find are a precursor to colon cancer. And after losing a grandfather to colon cancer, an aunt to pancreatic cancer, a cousin to colon cancer (from Crohn’s disease), and another aunt on her way now to the next world from stomach cancer, I have no choice.

I know I had a hard enough time taking the Citromag and litres of fresh water. I don’t know how I’ll be able to chug 4 LITRES of mixed prep with my gag reflex, but I know I have to start summoning up my courage NOW.

Addendum: This article was written in 2015. Since the writing of this article I have endured another few colonoscopies. I’m happy to report that my new choice of weapon that works is Miralax, a clear crystal, tasteless, odorless powder I mix in with gatorade, totally palatable and effective.

Do you have any helpful tips or experience you’d like to share?

About D.G. Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the reviews for Twenty Years After I Do.

Aug 27, 2018 Janice Spina rated it it was amazing   A Loving Reflection of Twenty Years of Marriage!

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, Twenty Years: After “I Do”. It was a heartfelt journey through the author’s life with her devoted and loving husband who is much older than she. I laughed along with her and shed tears of sorrow when she did.

D.G. Kaye expressed herself in endearing terms when she spoke of her husband and their wonderful life together. She wrote with deep expressions of angst over serious health issues they both experienced and then joy over happy times with much shared laughter.

Marriage is a difficult union as anyone who has been married knows. This book takes the reader down this path to discover the true meaning of soul mates and undying love from one another. D.G. shares the beauty of each day that she and her husband, Gordon, have had together and continue to have even in adversity. She displays a remarkable wit in tough times and a brilliant resilience to go on no matter what she must face.

This book is a must read for all who have been married whether for a short time or a longer time. All couples face similar situations and must make tough decisions in their lives together. The author has shown how she has had to deal with serious health issues and come out stronger and more persistent to make the best of every day she and her husband have left together. For isn’t that part of our marriage vows – to love each other in sickness and health till death do us part?

Read all the reviews and buy the books:

and Amazon UK:

More reviews and follow Debby on Goodreads:

Connect to Debby Gies

About me:
Twitter: (yes there’s a story)

My thanks to Debby for sharing this experience and demonstrating that humour can go a long way to making daunting medical procedures bearable.. along with Miralax……..

67 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Health Column – Guest Writer – D.G. Kaye – What I did Yesterday — Besides Having a #Colonoscopy

  1. I’ve only had it done twice, my granmother died of bowel cancer in her fifties so I know we have to be grateful for the chance to check our insides. The first time I got on the ward, to my horror the first nurse I met was our next door neighbour – I knew she was a nurse, but had no idea which area she worked in at our local hospital. To my relief she said they never go in with a patient they know! Yes that stuff is horrible, like thick sea water!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I agree with your assessment that the prep is worse than the procedure. I’ve always followed the instructions to the letter so I don’t have to do it over. That hemlock is awful! Sorry, I know of no other way than to hold my breath and swallow.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I can’t imagine you would have done it every year, Debby. Good that you were persistent and got the doc to agree done every three years. My former supervisor’s brother had colon cancer and he went home to have only dark green vegetables diet for a long time and the cancer was gone. Dark green veggies kill the gunk of the colon wall.

    I had a colonoscopy done more than 10 years ago. My insurance wanted me to have it done the last three years. I finally decided to have it repeated this year (some people say it can be done just once in a life time). Even though I eat mostly dark green veggies, I can endure to have another done, just to have a peace of mind.

    I also ordered a bone scan. Last one was done three years ago. My hip bone was 10% better than that of my age, but again, my insurance pushes for preventive care.

    Take care, Debby. Thank you, Sally!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. The prep is alwys vile. I have to say, our overstretched health service does the whole thing on a conveyor belt system. You change in cubicle in a public waiting room and you are not anaesthetised, only offered a relaxant. In spite of me telling them that the gas they use to distend the innards causes me hellish, screams-that-are-heard-in-the-distant-waiting-room type agony. They always finish by knocking me out as an emergency… just wish they’d put that in the notes they no longer send to the theatre…

    Liked by 4 people

    • That is appalling..I had a laparoscopy and they pumped me full of gas while I was anaesthetised but the pain was unbearable when I woke up and I felt I was having a heart attack. Then they put out all these public service messages… embarrassed to talk to your doctor about your bowels… no….fecking terrified!!! xxxx

      Liked by 2 people

    • Oh Sue, that’s scary. Yes, we have clinics here where many have it done where they’re only given a sedative. Uh uh, not for this girl. If you have it done in hospital, total anaesthetic. Just the way I like out. I’m sorry you have to go through hell till they give it to you. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • No other organisation of that size is so paper driven. My mother’s file at 95 was literally 6 inches thick and there was no way anyone was going to wade through that.. I did a potted history, with all her current meds, and up to date visits and they stuck that in on the top for a handy reference.. nightmare especially when they insisted on grilling a demented old lady every time!… xxx

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Heart goes out to you,Debbie. I find it difficult to drink the required amount of water a day! I had to drink a pint of some repulsive stuff years ago for a certain procedure, but have been spared since then.Thank goodness you have such a great sense of humour (a life-saver…) Hugs xx

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Your story brought back memories for me, as well, when it was my turn. No fun, but as you said so well it’s all in the preparation. Sorry you had to go through that, Debby. Hugs

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Thanks so much for featuring this article in your health column Sal. As much as I look for the humor in everything, it’s such an important test to have. I hope the post enlightens others. ❤ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Perhaps if the made the prep taste like candy, too many people would be banging down the doors for a colonoscopy. The line would stretch around the corner!! I had an endoscopy years ago, and I was awake (they didn’t put you out back then). All I can remember is lying in ward, curtain drawn and hearing these strange noises, aka farting. Ever try to contain your laughter in a room full of people. I thought I was being gassed out of there! I’ve never had a colonoscopy. My doctor keeps telling my husband and I that he can get us a couples rate. I’d much prefer a resort. LOL I know I need to go, but I’m such a wuss with medical procedures. After years in and out of the hospital, I dread anything to do with it.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. An essential post to be given an airing…It all sounds quite horrendous and for me who gags at the thought of some foods, it would be a nightmare…Chillies do the job for me…Thank you for sharing ..filed in the hope it is never necessary…Hugs xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – The Weekly Round Up – Bloggers, Authors, Music, Health, Food and Funnies. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

  11. Your advice to have a regular colonoscopy is good advice, Debby. I have to say that, as yet, I’ve only had one – all clear for another three years (must be half-way through) – but don’t really look forward to the next. Preps the issue, as you say. I managed the drinking part reasonably well. I found that a sports drink prepared my taste buds for the yukky stuff later, and I’d had chicken soup and jelly as late as I was allowed. My system is different from yours though. The mixture went through me so quickly that I was unable to move from the toilet. I sat there for hours, literally. My thighs were aching and numb, but I couldn’t move. I was thankful for the procedure and normalcy the next morning. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Only Debby can make a post about colonoscopies humorous (as well as informative). I have a hard time with the prep… vomiting it up. Ugh. That is by far the worst part of the process. Even Miralax. Fortunately, I’m once every ten years! Woo hoo! Great post to share, Sally. Important information for all of us, if not now, in the future. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Debby I have not had to go through this procedure thankfully, But my husband has several times, and so sympathised with you on every step… Thank you for bringing the humour into it… And thank you Sally for the sharing of Debby’s experiences.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. With a bit of humor, every action seems to be tolerable. 🙂 Thanks for the informative post, Debby and Sally, and thanks for doing all this research into what might help with the prep of a colonoscopy, Debby.

    My grandma survived colon cancer and so did Mark’s dad forty years ago. Despite that and my aunt having Crohn’s disease, I haven’t had to endure the procedure, but Mark, because of his genes and family history has had them every five years from a relatively young age. It sucks! Yet, it is so very important.

    Liked by 1 person

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