Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -#PotLuck -The Auditions: Part Three – Blow Into The Paper Bag by Jane Risdon

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This is the third post from author Jane Risdon and since you enjoyed the audition posts over the last two weeks here is part three and you can find the link to part four and five on Jane’s blog at the end of the post….

The Auditions: Part Three – Blow Into The Paper Bag by Jane Risdon

The guys didn’t get the chop, though judging from the expression on the super-star singer’s face, it was a close shave in more ways than one; the guillotine loomed over their heads, but she didn’t get to taste blood – yet!

After a lot of not so gentle persuasion the bass player, under threat of a good thumping from the drummer, and their management, managed to get through Rock n’ Roll with plenty of attitude.

The super-star beamed with delight. They all breathed a sigh of relief.

Next, he wanted a medley of his greatest hits and so everyone tuned-up ready.

His biggest hit was about half way through when suddenly the drums came to a deafening halt.

Everyone stared at the drum kit. Where was the drummer?

They soon found out; he was lying beside the kick drum, puffing and panting, puce in the face.

Looks were exchanged, they all ran towards him. Had he had a heart attack?

Management knew he wasn’t drunk or drugged, so what else could it be? They wondered if someone need call 911 and the Paramedics.

He sat up, grasping his manager by the shirt, pulling him close.

Everyone leaned forward, straining. Wondering.

‘A what?’ His manager shouted.

Then he turned round.

‘Anyone got a brown paper bag?’

Everyone stared, wondering what the hell he was on about. ‘He needs a brown paper bag, fast.’

Luckily a runner had been out to get Mexican food earlier and soon the drummer had a greasy, smelly, brown paper bag covering his face as he blew frantically into it.

Everyone watched, fascinated.

Soon his management realised what had happened

‘He’s hyperventilating.’

The super-star singer looked at him as if I were losing the plot.

‘They recommend blowing into a paper bag if you hyperventilate.’

‘Oh, right.’

The band crowded round and watched as gradually the drummer recovered.

The super star’s manager chewed frantically on his gum.

‘Happens when I get over-excited, I can’t breathe, so I’ve got to blow into a bag.’

The drummer beamed.

Oh God. Why us? Why us? Management stressed.

The ground remained solid despite them both wanting it to open up ad swallow them.

‘It’s so cool playing with you guys, just thinking about it, playing your stuff. I can’t help it.’

The drummer gushed.

The other musicians tried not to giggle, unsure what sort of illness this English guy had.

Violent thoughts filled his manager’s mind. His business partner was having similar ones.

‘Jeez, can’t imagine what you’re like getting over-excited with a chick.’

The iconic guitarist commented, sending everyone into fits, except the bass player.

He glared at the drummer.

‘Make sure you blow Poison, so you’ll remember it in a minute.’ Management fell about; the others looked puzzled.

The super-star regarded the drummer for a while and then asked him if he’d be all right to carry on.

‘Yeah I’m good to go now.’ Getting behind the kit again, he gave the thumbs up.

‘Why a brown paper bag?’

The super star didn’t get it.

‘Do you need any more?’

The drummer thought for a moment and then said, ‘No I think I’m OK now.’

He smiled at everyone in the studio, and flicked his hair, obviously feeling so much better.

‘It doesn’t work with any other colour; brown is sort of cool, sort of beautiful.’

Dear God.

After they’d run through all the songs the super-star singer wanted them to play, it was time to leave and let the next hopefuls take their turn.

The super-star and his management called both managers, and they chatted for a while.

They loved the guys, thought they looked cool, and were fun.

The managers felt their hearts sink…but…

The super star’s manager nodded enthusiastically, the musicians’ managers groaned.

They’d been around the block a few times don’t forget.

The super star stood next to them and smiled.

He agreed.

They could certainly play to the standard required, they were sort of really cool.

They’d audition the other hopefuls and they’d get back to the guys (management) by the end of the week.

Everyone shook hands, got their gear sorted and waved goodbye.

‘Don’t forget to take your brown paper bag with you,’ someone yelled.

The drummer called back, ‘Thanks, it’s OK, keep it. I’ve got loads back in the car.’

©Jane Risdon 2015

I know that you are dying to know what happened next…. well the next two parts can be found  in this folder on Jane’s website….

Books by Jane Risdon.

About the book

Under one cover for the first time a collection of Crime Shorts from Jane Risdon featuring previously unpublished stories which will have you on the edge of your seat. There is an extract from Jane’s forthcoming novel (series) Ms Birdsong Investigates Murder at Ampney Parva: Operation Matryoshka – with the title of Undercover – for those who’ve been awaiting this series about a former MI5 Intelligence Office, Lavinia Birdsong. There’s something for everyone who enjoys a good yarn and more twists and turns than Spaghetti Junction.

One of the early reviews for Undercover Crime Shorts

Fast-paced, well written, page turner that had me so engrossed my train journey flew by. The author clearly has done a lot of research, these short stories all felt very authentic and each had me gripped and on the edge of my seat wondering how they would play out. It’s been a long time since I read anything quite so intriguing and twisty. It certainly got my heart beating faster and I’d highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a great murder, mystery.

Also by Jane Risdon

Read the reviews and buy the books:

And Amazon US:

Read more reviews and follow Jane on Goodreads:

About Jane Risdon

Jane Risdon began writing five years ago having had a successful career in the International Music Industry which has taken her all over the world working with everything from Rock, Thrash Metal, and R&B/Pop to Chinese Opera. Her work has taken her to North America, Europe, and Singapore: even to Taiwan.

She’s been involved in Television, Radio, and the Movies around the world.

Travelling extensively and living overseas she draws upon her life experiences when writing Crime/Mystery novels, short stories in all genres – including humour, and she has dabbled in flash fiction.

Some of these experiences have found their way into her short stories about the Music Business, and she is presently working on a novel which will bring a lot of her more crazy ‘rock ‘n roll’ experiences into one tome.

Her main focus remains crime however, and she is working on a series of novels called ‘Ms Birdsong Investigates’ centered around a glamorous ex MI5 Officer forced into early retirement, who is trying to keep a low profile in a rural village in Oxfordshire. Her past experiences come to the fore when she finds herself investigating murder. Soon she finds herself back on old territory with Russian Mafia, Ukrainian People Traffickers and an old flame to deal with.

Connect to Jane Risdon

Accent Press:

Thank you for dropping in today and I know that Jane would love your feedback.. thanks Sally.

20 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives -#PotLuck -The Auditions: Part Three – Blow Into The Paper Bag by Jane Risdon

  1. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up.. John Wick 3 -Spirits in the Sky, Polar Bears and Apple Daiquiris | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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