Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a Joke from Sally’s Archives

First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Catch up with Debby’s monthly Travel Column here on Smorgasbord: https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye/

And now time for a joke from my archives….

Allegedly from the Lonely Hearts column in ‘Ireland’s Own’ magazine of some years ago!!!

Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.

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Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie. Thurles area.

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Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Glasgow Celtic football club and starting scraps on Patrick Street at three in the morning.

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Bitter, disillusioned Kerryman lately rejected by long-time fiancé seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced b******ches.

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Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

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Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life’s beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential.

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Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters.

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Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady with big chest.

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Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

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Attractive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Jolenes Nightclub, Macroom, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who’s not afraid to cry for long nights spent comfort drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!

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Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm.

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Optimistic Mayo man 35, seeks blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel who owns her own brewery and has an open-minded twin sister.

And on that note.. we hope that you are leaving laughing your socks off…. Debby and Sally.

30 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a Joke from Sally’s Archives

  1. Re the socks joke…SOLE MATE
    i must tell you of a romance
    that’s sadly on the rocks –
    not between the sexes,
    but between some classy socks.

    It started up last Christmas Day,
    when Aunt Louise arrived to stay.
    She put a box beneath the tree,
    containing lovers: he and me…

    A present for her favourite: Fred –
    a studded Punk with hair of red.
    In bovver boots we both did tread
    and vowed we’d be forever wed.

    We snuggled in the sock drawer,
    we ran, we walked, we washed;
    hung side by side, upon the line,
    and by the winds were tossed.

    And then, one day
    he went away without an explanation,
    so here I lie with nylon strangers
    expecting expiration.

    Where oh where has my darling sole mate gone?
    I really am bereft and feeling quite alone.
    I’ve heard there is a sock hole,
    where lost socks gravitate.
    I hope that isn’t true, for I’m pining for my mate.

    If you come across him, do to him relate
    that I miss him dearly every day
    and want to know his fate.
    Hugs Joy xx

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – The Weekly Round Up – Music, Numerology, Vitamin C, Guest Posts and funnies. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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