Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Spiders, Asthma, Eyesight and Chihuahuas….amongst other things.

Some oldies sprinkled with a few funny images…

Doctors and golden oldies……

On his morning rounds the doctor called in to a little old lady that he was treating for asthma… Having checked her over, he asked a few questions and listened to her croaky replies.

‘What about the wheeze?’ he asked.

‘Oh fine,’ she replied. ‘I went three times last night!’

Sex Drive…

An older gentleman in his 70s was concerned about his sex drive and went to his doctor.

‘Well not too unexpected at your age.’ said the doctor.

The patient was still concerned. ‘But my neighbour is over 80 and says that he makes love every night.’

The doctor thought for a moment. ‘Well why don’t you say that too?’

Eyesight….

The parish priest was a welcome visitor for short-sighted Mrs. Evans and after he had left one day she commented to her daughter how kind he was.

‘But that wasn’t the priest mum that was the doctor.’

‘Oh was it?’ Mrs Evans exclaimed with relief, ‘I thought Father O’Malley was getting a bit familiar!’

 

Gotta love those nuts….

 

A young social worker on her weekly visit to Bert, cut up his steak and watched whilst he ate his lunch. She noticed a bowl of almonds beside his tray.

‘They were given me as a gift, but I don’t want them,’ he explained. ‘You can have them if you like.’

She said thanks and sat there and finished the bowl.

‘Funny present to give a man with no teeth,’ she remarked.

‘Oh no,’ he said. ‘They had chocolate on them then.’

 

Say what?

Miss Smythe was miffed… Her pet a Chihuahua was consistently second in dog shows throughout the country… One day she decided to investigate by asking the judges why this was happening. It was explained to her that the true Chihuahua breed had smooth coats and her dog, despite being perfect in every other way, had a shaggy coat.

Miss Smythe decided to take action and popped into a local pharmacist to buy some hair remover.

The chemist handed her the latest product. ‘When you slap this on, it’s best to keep your arms up for two or three minutes,’ he said.

‘Oh it’s not for my underarms, it’s for my Chihuahua,’ she explained.

‘In that case,’ said the chemist, ‘don’t ride a bike for 30 minutes.’

I hope that you are leaving with a smile on your face…. tune in again on Thursday for more.. Sally.