Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and a joke from Sally’s archives.

First Debby Gies shares some of the funnies this week that she feels you should not miss.. ..D.G. Kaye Writer Blog is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby for spotting these.. and please give her a round of applause.

D. G. Kaye – Buy: http://www.amazon.com/D.G.-Kaye/e/B00HE028FO
Blog: http://www.dgkayewriter.com – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

And now time for a joke from my archives…

Be careful what you wish for.

Here in Ireland the angel of death will visit you a couple of weeks before you pass over to find out where you would like to go. (I know bear with me).

Patrick was not well, and the worst was feared by his wife and family. He is lying in his hospital bed sleeping when there is a tap on his shoulder. He opens his eyes to see a brilliant white light and a splendid figure of a man with wings on his back. Startled into silence he lay petrified.

‘Don’t be afraid Patrick, I am the angel of death but tonight I have just come to show you your options for when you pass over. Tomorrow you will remember nothing about it.’

With that Patrick was whisked out of his bed and found himself sitting on a cloud with a harp to hand. The angel of death stood in front of him and pronounced solemnly.

‘Should you choose to come to heaven, you will be admitted, since your transgressions are small, and you are well thought of by family and friends.’ He paused dramatically. ‘ Being in heaven has its responsibilities. which include playing the harp from morning to night, abstaining from eating and drinking anything but holy water twice a day. and being on your knees for four hours every night saying your prayers.’

Patrick nodded in understanding and before he could blink he was whisked away to the darkest bowels of the earth to explore the alternative.

The angel pushed him though some large bright red gates and told him he would pick him up in half an hour. Patrick stood nervously looking around him. He was amazed at sights he had only imagined. There was a massive hotel with swimming pool surrounded by beautiful women in bikinis, one of whom came over and put her arm through his. Utterly speechless he allowed himself to be led into the hotel where there were men laughing and drinking at the bar, a snooker table and large flat screen television. Feeling slightly hot under the collar, his tour continued through luxury bedrooms, and a dining room with a buffet laden with the most delicious foods. His guide deposited back at the gate and winking at him as she handed him over to the angel of death.

The next morning Patrick woke feeling a touch feverish and in a state of excitement. He could not remember exactly what happened but he felt at peace. Two weeks later he passed away and as promised the angel of death arrived to take him to his chosen destination, reminding him of his options. Patrick had no hesitation in declaring that he would like to spend eternity in hell.

Disappointed the angel left him at the gates of this den of iniquity and they opened to admit him. He had to admit that it was not quite the scene that he had encountered on his previous visit, and a rather old hag was waiting for him, escorting him through a large steel door.

On the other side was the worst possible sight you can imagine.. men and women were up to their waists in horse manure and were busily shoveling it into piles by great big furnaces. A large, half naked man with a whip crossed over to him and handed him a shovel. Patrick was mortified and turned around to go back to the gates and tell the angel of death he had changed his mind.

‘Where do you think you are going Patrick O’Hagan?’ A booming voice rang out behind him. He turned to see the devil dressed in red and black with a flaming trident in one hand.

‘There must be some mistake,’ Patrick muttered. ‘When I was here last time there was a beautiful hotel, bikini clad women and a bar with wonderful food and drink.’

The Devil laughed and beckoned Patrick back towards the dung heaps. ‘That was marketing my friend, now you are a customer.’

We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. thanks for dropping in… Debby and Sally.