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This is the third post from Peter Mohan who blogs at Cheers, Govanhill as his alter ego .. Boy David. In this post witty observations on the absurdity of modern life.
I’m not going to Polmadie at this time of night
Was going to try mindfulness, but I forgot.
Thought about going on a retreat, realised it would be a step backwards.
Sorry. Can’t help the stupid jokes, trying to be popular, make the other kids laugh so they won’t beat me up.
I shower once a week, whether I need to or not.
There I go again, boom boom. I’m out of control.
My wife asked me to cut the grass, said it’s almost at the windowsill. I said can’t the guy downstairs do it?
Enough now, please. In God’s name, stop.
That long grass is a worry, though. Sure there are foxes in there, urban foxes, gentlemen thieves, trendy wee buggers wearing spats, cravats and a cheeky grin, robbing my bins of fag ends, empty cans and dead rodents.
Anyway. Think I need more jokes, better jokes, one-liners, funny tales. Witty observations on the absurdity of modern life.
How all men seem to have beards these days. I mean, what’s that all about, yeah?
And coffee, it’s everywhere, isn’t it, and with all these weird names. Skinny flat white, long black. They sound like porn movies, ha ha ha ha ha.
And airport security, that’s weird, and why is everyone always staring at their phone these days too? It’s so funny, isn’t it.
Like staring into the ever-expanding abyss of pain and desolation inside. And how it’s like that on Twitter too.
That’s all I’ve got time for ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been dreary Dave, you’ve been a great audience, thank you and good night.
©Peter Mohan 2019
About Peter Mohan
My name’s Peter Mohan, I live and work in Glasgow, Scotland.
Cheers, Govanhill is a semi-fictional blog from Glasgow’s most cosmopolitan and endlessly-fascinating neighbourhood.
It’s a humorous, sometimes dark, account of inner-city life by fictional narrator, Boy David.
He casts an affectionate, surreal eye on the area from his tenement, with stories of gentrification, brontosaurus cutlets, the filthy habits of west of Scotland dead man and how New York stole all its ideas from Govanhill.
It’s all true, although I might have made a lot of it up.
Connect to Peter
My thanks to Peter for allowing me to share some of his posts.. please head over and check out his archive.. thanks Sally.