Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some new material from Sally.

Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies . 

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Whenever there is a trouble for the human race, those with a sense of humour will do their best to still make us smile and many thanks to those who take the time to create these funnies for us.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

And now a joke or two from Sally…..stop me if you have heard them before….

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

• P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
• S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
• P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
• S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
• P: Something loose in cockpit.
• S: Something tightened in cockpit.
• P: Dead bugs on windshield.
• S: Live bugs on back-order.
• P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
• S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
• P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
• S: Evidence removed.
• P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
• S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
• P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
• S: DME volume set to more believable level.
• P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
• S: That’s what they’re for
• P: IFF inoperative.
• S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
• P: Suspected crack in windshield.
• S: Suspect you’re right.
• P: Number 3 engine missing.
• S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
• P: Aircraft handles funny.
• S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
• P: Target radar hums.
• S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyric
• P: Mouse in cockpit.
• S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.

• P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
• S: Took hammer away from midget.

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.