Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some jokes from Sally.

Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Whenever there is a trouble for the human race, those with a sense of humour will do their best to still make us smile and many thanks to those who take the time to create these funnies for us.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US AndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. Writes Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

And now a joke or two from Sally…..stop me if you have heard them before….

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY

Day number 180

8:00 am – oh boy! dog food! my favourite!
9:30 am – oh boy! a car ride! my favourite!
9:40 am – oh boy! a walk! my favourite!
10:30 am – oh boy! a car ride! my favourite!
11:30 am – oh boy! dog food! my favourite!
12:00 noon – oh boy! the kids! my favourite!
1:00 p.m. – oh boy! the yard! my favourite!
4:00 p.m. – oh boy! the kids! my favourite!
5:00 pm – oh boy! dog food! my favourite!
5:30 pm – oh boy! mom! my favourite!

day number 181

8:00 am – oh boy! dog food! my favourite!
9:30 am – oh boy! a car ride! my favourite!
9:40 am – oh boy! a walk! my favourite!
10:30 am – oh boy! a car ride! my favourite!
11:30 am – oh boy! dog food! my favourite!
12:00 noon – oh boy! the kids! my favourite!
1:00 p.m. – oh boy! the yard! my favourite!
1:30 p.m. – ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 p.m. – oh boy! the kids! my favourite!
5:00 pm – oh boy! dog food! my favourite!
5:30 pm – oh boy! mom! my favourite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY

DAY 752 –

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 –

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 –

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was…Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 –

I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 –

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call “beer”. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.”

Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 –

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

There is also the fact that whilst a dog is always up for a cuddle.. cats can be a bit more choosey!

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.

38 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Comedian in Residence D.G. Kaye and some jokes from Sally.

  1. Wow, these are right on. You did it again, Debby and Sally. I am always amazed at what one can come up with to make good relevant humor. Thanks for the well needed laughs and smiles. Big hugs to both of you. Take care and be safe.

    William

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Weekly Round Up – April 12th -18th – Relationships, ABBA, Guacamole, Pasta, Guests, Poetry and Funnies. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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