Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – May 14th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin

Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

The humour about this global pandemic is still going strong, and whilst we appreciate that this is no laughing matter… it does demonstrate the lengths humans will go to to stay positive.

Thanks to Debby for finding this treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK    Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads

Check out Debby’s new series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

And now a joke or two from Sally….stop me if you have heard them before….

An Old Ranchers advice

• Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
• Keep skunks, bankers, and lawyers at a distance.
• Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
• A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
• Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
• Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
• Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
• Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
• It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
• You cannot unsay a cruel word.
• Every path has a few puddles.
• When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
• The best sermons are lived, not preached.
• Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen, anyway.
• Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin ‘.
• Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
• The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.”
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
• Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
• If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around

Chain Letter

Dear Friend,

This letter was started by women like yourself in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your husband or boyfriend and send him to the woman who appears at the top of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,877 men. One is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN. HAVE FAITH

One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back.

At the time of writing this letter a friend had already received 454 men. They buried her yesterday but it took the undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face!

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH – Yours truly a friend.

Thanks for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Debby and Sally.