Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – July 3rd 2020- Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp

Author Daniel Kemp keeps us entertained daily on Facebook with his witty jokes and funny images.. by popular request he has agreed to do another open mic night for us here today.

This was never going to end well!

A Welshman, an Englishman, and an Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running, they spotted a barn and ran inside.

Once inside they each hid in an old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious-looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said… ”Meow’.’

“Just cats,” he thought.

He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said… ”Woof’.’

“Just dogs,” he thought.

As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded the sack the Irishman said… ”Potatoes!”

Simple Maths

Sunderland, England.

The owner of a working men’s club along the coast was confused about paying a discounted invoice so he decided to ask his secretary for some arithmetical assistance.

He called her into his office and said, “Betty, you graduated at the University of Sunderland and I need some help. If I was to give you £20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

Inventions.

I went to the Patent Office to register some of my camping inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, “A folding bottle.”

She said, “Okay, what do you call it?”

“A Fottle.”

“What else do you have?”

“I have also invented a folding carton.”

Again she said, “what do you call it?”

“A Farton.”

She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude.”

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Danny

A recent review for A Covenant of Spies on Goodreads

Jun 01, 2020 Patricia Furstenberg rated it Five Stars

Daniel Kemp’s A Covenant Of Spies deals with British Intelligence investigating Russian operative.

I enjoyed the clever, complex tale featuring a net of lies and political cover-ups that made me think twice about the daily news headlines.

An entertaining story of 21st century spies and tales of the Cold War sprinkled with clues till the end, it reminded me of “Bridge of Spies”.

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK

And : Amazon US

Read more reviews and follow Daniel on : Goodreads

Connect to Daniel

Website: Author Danny Kemp
Facebook: Books by Daniel
Twitter: @danielkemp6

My thanks to Danny for letting me share his funnies…have a good weekend and thanks for dropping in..Sally