Author Daniel Kemp keeps us entertained daily on Facebook with his witty jokes and funny images.. by popular request he has agreed to do another open mic night for us here today.
This was never going to end well!
A Welshman, an Englishman, and an Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running, they spotted a barn and ran inside.
Once inside they each hid in an old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious-looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said… ”Meow’.’
“Just cats,” he thought.
He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said… ”Woof’.’
“Just dogs,” he thought.
As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded the sack the Irishman said… ”Potatoes!”
Simple Maths
Sunderland, England.
The owner of a working men’s club along the coast was confused about paying a discounted invoice so he decided to ask his secretary for some arithmetical assistance.
He called her into his office and said, “Betty, you graduated at the University of Sunderland and I need some help. If I was to give you £20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
Inventions.
I went to the Patent Office to register some of my camping inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, “A folding bottle.”
She said, “Okay, what do you call it?”
“A Fottle.”
“What else do you have?”
“I have also invented a folding carton.”
Again she said, “what do you call it?”
“A Farton.”
She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude.”
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket
About Daniel Kemp
Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?
In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.
Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.
He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.
A selection of books by Danny
A recent review for A Covenant of Spies on Goodreads
Daniel Kemp’s A Covenant Of Spies deals with British Intelligence investigating Russian operative.
I enjoyed the clever, complex tale featuring a net of lies and political cover-ups that made me think twice about the daily news headlines.
An entertaining story of 21st century spies and tales of the Cold War sprinkled with clues till the end, it reminded me of “Bridge of Spies”.
Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK
And : Amazon US
Read more reviews and follow Daniel on : Goodreads
Connect to Daniel
Website: Author Danny Kemp
Facebook: Books by Daniel
Twitter: @danielkemp6
My thanks to Danny for letting me share his funnies…have a good weekend and thanks for dropping in..Sally
Thanks for the laughs. Us Irish get no respect 🙂 but we do like our potatoes…
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We do indeed Jim.. and can take a joke..xx
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😀
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My dad is Irish, Jim. I told him he was social climbing when he married my English mother – hahaha! On the serious side, the Irish have a very strong creative gene and that is the most important gene as it allows for leaps of innovation. Creativity is vital for humanity to make progress and move forward.
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I hope your Dad didn’t lose his Irish brogue when he got married! 🙂
And I agree that creativity is at the heart of moving the human race forward. It’s one of the reasons I started blogging, so that I could work on my creative side. Good to know that the Irish have a creative gene. Is that what they call blarney? 🙂
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No, it is a fact, Jim.
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One more thing to be proud about my ancestry!
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Lol, thanks for my morning chuckle. Have a great weekend!
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You too Jacquie..hugsxx
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Bonus chuckles, from Sally and Daniel 😂
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Thanks for sharing Chris..hugsxx♥
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The meme is good advice for every husband, Sally 🤗❤️🤗 😂
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Excellent, Daniel. Thanks, Sally.
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Thanks Joh..have a good weekend..hugs
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Haha, I didn’t see the SON coming! Got my chuckle of the day. Thank you, Daniel and Sally!
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I’m so glad we Irish can still laugh at ourselves and don’t take offense. 🙂
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Quite Lucinda… and we can dish it out too.. lol..xx
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The jokes about Ireland are always best too. 😉 Otherwise there are coming a lot of very good products from there. Thank you for the laughter, Sally! The “Convenant of Spies” is on my TBR, after the new James Bond is not out. Lol I dont know why, but this series has had the best time. Michael
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Thanks Michael and I am sure you will enjoy Danny’s book.. I am looking forward to the new Bond film.. not sure I want to see in the cinema.. have to wait some time to stream..hugsx
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I am sure, i will, Sally! Oh yes, i had forgotten the Social Distancing thing. Now i really understand the last notice i got about home cinema creation.
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It is the people in the cinema who always sit just behind me and cough and splutter through the show… That is the real reason people sit in the back row.. not for a canoodle..lol..x
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Lol – Yes sometimes i consider wearing earphones in the cinema too. Does not prevent their coughing, but i have not to hear it. 😉
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lol…xx
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Hello, Michael, I haven’t read Convenant of Spies, but the three books of Danny’s that I have read have all been excellent.
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Thank you very much, Robbie! Will start asap with it. Have a beautiful weekend! Michael
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You too, Michael.
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Thank you very much, Robbie 🙂
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thanks for adding your recommendation Robbie..hugs
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Good ones, all! 😀
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Count to 10 is my motto. It helps, although there are times we need to count much higher, lol. And of course -love the broom! LOL 🙂 xx
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You just need to remember not to hold your breath at the same time ….and I love that broom too..♥
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Lol yup 🙂 xxx
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Reblogged this on Daniel Kemp and commented:
From a wholehearted lady and special friend. Thank you, Sally!
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Always delighted to pass along your funnies Danny..hugsx
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Love that lawn mower one. Thanks, Daniel and Sally x
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Thanks Toni..have a lovely weekend..hugs
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Thank you, Toni
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Thank you, Danny and Sally, for the great chuckles. I must try and remember to do that counting. I usually do it afterwards Hehe.
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Me too Robbie..hugsx
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So hard to choose which one I liked best. A great selection!
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great Alex.. thank you… hugs
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So true! Love the names and the broom as well! Thanks, Danny and Sally!
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Glad you enjoyed Olga..and that broom was priceless..hugs
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