Welcome to the current series of Posts from Your Archives… and I will be picking two posts from the blogs of those participating from the first six months of 2020. If you don’t mind me rifling through your archives… just let me know in the comments or you can find out the full scope: Posts from Your Archives – Pot Luck – 2020
This is the first post from freelance journalist and author Mary Smith...and this week Mary shares the challenges of getting a new profile photograph taken. One of the major selling points of a book is its author and the connection a potential reader makes when they see the profile photograph. It is well worth taking the time and in some cases getting a professional to take the photo and this post is useful for us all.
Fighting photo phobia by Mary Smith
I hate having my photo taken. I can hear an instant chorus of ‘so do I’ but I’m sure no one hates it as much as I do. It’s almost a phobia.
A camera is pointed in my direction and in an instant every muscle in my face freezes, my shoulders lift up to my ears, my chin sticks out and all the wrinkles in my neck are accentuated a hundred-fold.
The profile pics I’ve been using on Facebook, Twitter and blogs were taken by a photographer friend. I was grateful for the time and effort she took and I picked (out of many) the ones that seemed to me to be ‘not too bad’. These were taken some years ago and I knew I really ought to update them.
This was taken several years ago – time for an update
I was thinking it was time to bite the bullet and have a professional photo taken which I could use on as my social media profile and for book covers and press releases and all the rest of the things authors and bloggers need to do which seem to require a mug shot. At a party I bumped into portrait photographer Kim Ayres. Fate!?
We had a long chat. I had several glasses of wine and agreed we should meet – just to discuss the idea. Kim emailed me next day, we met and he spent time explaining why so many of us don’t like seeing photos of ourselves. It’s because we only see ourselves in the mirror so we always see a reverse image of ourselves. Other people don’t shriek in horror at our pic because they are used to seeing us that way.
I understood what he was telling me but it didn’t totally convince me. If I think I look ghastly in my photos, does that mean everyone thinks I look ghastly in real life? And does that mean that only my hairdresser knows how I see myself? Anyway, I somehow found myself agreeing to have him take my photo.
Kim suggested I pretend I have a twin sister about to have her photo taken and think what advice I’d give her. ‘Eyebrows,’ I told my mythical twin. ‘You need to get your eyebrows done.’ Off I went – no manicure, no plumping up of lips, no facial – just the eyebrows. Funny, isn’t it what can make us feel better about ourselves?
He emailed to suggest I might have a drink to help me relax as long as I promised him I didn’t become either an aggressive or a maudlin drunk. I hadn’t actually contemplated getting drunk but when he arrived with all his photographic paraphernalia it suddenly seemed like a good idea. While he had a cup of tea I mixed a gin and martini cocktail – well, I didn’t bother with the lemon peel or olive or ice or shaking it – just a good slug of each in a glass. I don’t think it helped.
What did help was chatting, listening to Kim explain all sorts of things about photography (most of which went right over my head) and telling me we would have fun and, no matter how long it took, we would get a good photo – a photo I was happy with. Thinking back, it was like he was making soothing noises to a frightened horse!
He’d asked what I wanted people to see when they looked at the photo. I said I wanted to come across as warm and friendly, someone people would want to get to know. As he took each shot it appeared on a tablet so we could see it. To start with, all I could see was ‘meah’ but something happened during the process and I began to react differently to the photos. I began to see how things changed with a tilt of the shoulder here, a movement forward there, laughing at something just before the shutter clicked, a ‘think of something naughty’, stick out your tongue.
Best of all, Kim never gave that terrifying command I’ve heard from photographers – friends, professionals, family – ‘Smile!’ As someone who was a smoker, who drinks black coffee and red wine and has some unflattering NHS dental work, I’m very self-conscious about my teeth – as well as all the other major defects I immediately notice in my photos.
Kim was so relaxed, not rushing things, actually making me feel if took ten hours it would be fine with him and it did actually become fun. It took a couple of hours though, but eventually I looked at a photo and didn’t cringe. I was drawn to my eyes, which looked quite twinkly, rather than my wrinkly neck. I saw my neck, but it didn’t matter, because I realised people would look at the eyes first. Another one made me say: ‘Oh, my shoulder has moved up spoiling the line.’ Then, I realised I was looking at the whole image with a different eye. Kim was grinning.
The new profile pic
When the shoot was over I was both exhilarated and exhausted. I wanted to tell Kim to come back and we could do it again, maybe in the blue dress this time. I wanted to continue having fun because I suspected the euphoria would wear off and next time someone points a camera at me I’d freeze like before. When I need a new profile photo, I’ll definitely be calling Kim again.
Check out Kim’s website here. I’ve been looking at the amazing, exciting images on his website and thinking of all kinds of photographic possibilities then I remember I’m 63, a writer and blogger, an introvert rather than an extrovert, warm and friendly, hoping people would want to know me as I am.
I can even be in black and white or colour
©Mary Smith 2020
About Mary Smith
Mary Smith has always loved writing. As a child she wrote stories in homemade books made from wallpaper trimmings – but she never thought people could grow up and become real writers. She spent a year working in a bank, which she hated – all numbers, very few words – ten years with Oxfam in the UK, followed by ten years working in Pakistan and Afghanistan. She wanted others to share her amazing, life-changing experiences so she wrote about them – fiction, non-fiction, poetry and journalism. And she discovered the little girl who wrote stories had become a real writer after all.
Drunk Chickens and Burnt Macaroni: Real Stories of Afghan Women is an account of her time in Afghanistan and her debut novel No More Mulberries is also set in Afghanistan
Books by Mary Smith
A recent review No More Mulberries
Carol McKay Immersive
A really enjoyable story that had my imagination fully immersed in its portrayal of the sensory world of 1990s rural Afghanistan. A tender love story set against a backdrop of cultural conflicts and encroaching war.
Mary Smith, Buy:Amazon US – and:Amazon UK – Blog: Mary Smith’s Place – Goodreads: Goodreads – Twitter: @marysmithwriter
Thank you for dropping in today and Mary would love your feedback.. thanks Sally.
This is a great post Sally and Mary. Mary I do love this new photo you look younger, and so vibrant. Yes a testiment to you and Kim 💜💜💜
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Thanks Willow and I agree a lovely photo..in black and while and colour.. ♥
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Definitely 😀
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Thanks, Willow. Kim is a wonderful photographer.
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And you are beautiful 🌹
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Great choice, Sally. Hugs to you and Mary.
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Thanks Teagan hugsxx
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Thank you, Teagan. Hugs back.
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Oh, Mary, I love the new photo! You appear to be amused or know something that no one else knows! I love that! I need a new photo too. I am always taking selfies but I don’t like any of them. I need someone like Kim. You look wonderful and happy! Kudos to you and Kim and to Sally for sharing. Love & hugs to you both! Xo
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Thanks Janice and your photos all look lovely. xxx♥
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Aww, thank you, Sally! I do selfies so I don’t keep bugging John to snap my photo. Haha! 🤗 💕
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Lol.. I know that feeling..♥
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Thanks, Janice. I don’t think many of us are happy with our photos. I always think you look great in yours! Kim did make the whole horrible process fun and I was pleased with the final result. I can’t tell you how many were rejected before we got that one.
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Well, you picked the perfect one! You look fabulous, my friend!! Hugs 😘
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Thanks so much, Sally. I wondered which post you would choose when you went rummaging in my blog.
As for my other phobia – the dentist – I have an appointment tomorrow. It’s the last appointment before the dentist goes on holiday!
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Good luck and fingers crossed for your smile to be restored to its former glory…love the photos..♥
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You will notice my mouth is firmly shut in the photo – even though I didn’t have a broken tooth then!
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Lol.. hopefully after tomorrow you can treat us to a selfie…xxx
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You look wonderful, Mary. We’re always the hardest on ourselves, aren’t we? ❤
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Especially when you wear the wrong glasses to put your lipstick on!!! ♥
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Yes, we are. Everyone else looks great in their photos!
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I loved reading the agony and then seeing the ecstasy of the photo. Well done, Mary and thanks, Sally
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It was well worth the agony..lovely photos..hugsx
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Thanks, John. It was quite an experience and Kim was incredibly patient until we finally got a photo we both liked.
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It is a beautiful photo for sure. 😁
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Well done. Love alsoreading the story of preparation. I enjoy the new photo in colour and b/w too. Thats what only a professional photographer can do.Cant tell you how i hate my passporto photos. Taken by a professional too, but as the rules force to be done. Michael
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No smiling aloud Michael.. but I am sure the biometric machines are kicking off with everyone in masks…xx
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I think everyone hates their passport photos, Michael. We all look like criminals! Glad you enjoyed the post. I’ve tried to have other professional photographers take my photo but only Kim succeeded in taking one I was happy with.
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Its a wonderful photo, Mary. Honestly, on the elder one you looked like a very strong teacher. 😉 Enjoy your weekend. Michael
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Thanks Michael.. xx
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:-))
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What a difference a haircut makes. Mary looks Fab! ❤
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She does and love the photo..♥
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Thanks, Debby. I think this is the first photo of me I’ve been happy with.
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As you should be 🙂
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Your new photo turned out very well! You look warm, friendly, and approachable, just as you wanted.
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It is lovely…x
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Thanks, Liz. I’m glad that’s how I come across.
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🙂
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What a great photo! I can’t imagine it turning out better. I loved Mary’s piece, too. We tend to be our worst critics when it comes to photos.
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Thanks Pete… and that would be right…xx
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Thanks, Pete. Glad you enjoyed the post. And, yes, we really are our own worst critics – we tend to look at the flaws first instead of the positives.
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A gorgeous photo, Mary – well done. Toni x
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Thanks Toni..xx
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Thanks, Toni – it took a long time but we got there in the end.
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I can so identify with the ‘before’ part of this! Now I need a Kim of my own…
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A pamper and a photo at the end of it does us all good Alex..hugsx
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Thank you. I’m not sure how far Kim will travel! Of course, now that I’ve had my hair cut for the first time since lockdown and the hairdresser cut out almost all the colour I should really get a new one taken, showing off the grey 🙂
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Fantastic post, Mary and Sally.
And I have to say, I love your new pic. That hint of a smile, and your twinkling eyes. You look radiant 🥰
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Thanks Ritu..hugs xx
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I had no idea that Mary didn’t like having your photograph taken, Sally. I conned her into have a few with me and I put them on my blog. I wouldn’t have if I thought she didn’t like having photographs taken. I don’t mind although I don’t make a habit of it.
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I must admit my photos are getting less frequent.. by the time I had put pollyfilla in the cracks on my face and blurring creams and potions the light has gone for the day lol.. I have promised to do another one soon..hugsx
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I think you have a lovely photograph, Sally.
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Thanks Robbie..♥
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