Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – January 22nd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Selfies and Jigsaws

Posted on January 22, 2021 by Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life.

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

The vaccine jokes have already started

Just read that there’s a guy down Wellesbourne Market selling Oxford vaccinations for £2 each… or 3 for a Pfizer.

“You have no idea what’s in that vaccine” said the lady buying 40 burgers for £4 in Farmfoods

If you ever find a magic lamp don’t make the same mistake as me. I found one and the genie offered me one wish. I am not materialistic so I said I just want to be happy…I am now working in a mine and living in a house with six other dwarfs!.

My mate told me that he’s just bought a mobile phone from the local vicar. I said, “have you got it on contract?”. He said, “no…..”

“……it’s Pray as you Go”

And finally…

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her neighbour asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The little silver-haired lady says, “according to the picture on the
box, it’s a rooster.”

Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says—

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax.

Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh

“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp