Since this series began in January 2018 there have been over 1000 Posts from Your Archives where bloggers have taken the opportunity to share posts to a new audience… mine. The topics have ranged from travel, childhood, recipes, history, family and the most recent series was #PotLuck where I shared a random selection of different topics.
In this series I will be sharing posts from the last six months of 2020
It is an opportunity to showcase your writing skill to my readers and also to share on my social media. Which combined is around the 46,000 mark. If you are an author your books will be mentioned too, along with their buy links and your other social media contacts. Head over to find out how to participate: Posts from Your Archives 2021
This is the second post by author Toni Pike and is from her series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.
This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.
I’ve already mentioned self-validation, but I wanted to talk more about respecting our own opinions and feelings.
I realise now that for my most of my life I have been extremely reactionary. If someone said or did anything that concerned me in any way, I would immediately react and try to fix things up or do something about it. If I thought someone had a poor opinion of me for any reason, I would react and try to plead my case.
Trust your own opinions and feelings
Now I realise that I needed, instead, to trust and believe in my own opinions and feelings.
For instance, someone said to me recently that a letter I had written created some confusion because of a contradiction in it. Previously, I would have immediately reacted, trying to explain and justify myself. If the other person didn’t respond the way I wanted, I would keep trying to sort things out and possibly get into a flap, or be “jumping through hoops” with that person if they continued to disagree with me. I would also be upset that they had a bad opinion of me. But by doing all that, I was handing my power away to them.
But now, when that happened, I instead took a deep breath and thought about my own opinion. I knew that the letter was very clear, and that the other person was highly manipulative and merely trying to get a negative reaction from me. I chose to trust and believe in myself, knowing that I did not need to give them any explanation. I told them that I would not discuss it any further.
It’s easy to get into the habit of avoiding our own feelings and opinions. Instead, we should listen to them first and foremost, and believe in ourselves. You can even become “hooked” on focusing on what other people are thinking, and becoming upset or reactionary in response.
Our feelings are so important
I can’t stress enough how important it is to listen to our own feelings, rather than trying to think about and analyse every situation. We experience feelings in our body – which is why, when we’re scared or upset, we have all sorts of physical reactions such as headaches, intestinal cramps, trembling and aches and pains.
Here is a simple exercise to try. I know many of us have trouble getting to sleep because we get into bed and start thinking about all the worries in our life. When you start to do that, instead try listening to and experiencing your feelings. Calm yourself by focusing on feeling tired, sleepy, warm, relaxed, and cosy and safe in bed. Close your eyes and let your feelings help you drift off to sleep.
Trusting our own opinions and feelings
Here are some ways that show we’re not trusting our own opinions and feelings.
Do you worry far too much about what other people are thinking or feeling?
Wherever you are, ask yourself if you’re thinking about the way you think and feel – or are you thinking about other people’s thoughts and opinions? Try to focus on yourself, and have confidence in yourself.
Are you being reactionary?
Do you keep jumping in and reacting to any situation, trying to fix things up or alter another person’s opinion? Instead, stay calm and think about how you see the situation, and how you feel about it. When you react to something, you are handing your power away to the other person. Keep that power with yourself.
How do you comfort and calm yourself?
When anything happens, listen to your own feelings or emotions. How do you feel about the situation? Truly allow yourself to experience that feeling. Then, ask yourself how you comfort and support yourself. Do you immediately want to talk to someone to get their support, or do you try to numb the feeling with something like food, drink, drugs, cigarettes, or even by working hard or just trying to keep busy?
Try a different approach. Instead, talk to yourself with your inner voice, support and comfort yourself just like a loving parent would do to their beloved child. You’ll be amazed what a difference it makes.
Do you listen to and trust your own opinions?
We should try to believe in and trust both our own opinions and feelings. By doing that, we’re learning to love, support and care about ourselves the way we deserve.
Have you thought about focusing on your own opinions and feelings, rather than those of other people? I’d love to hear about it.
Here are my other articles in this series:
- Validate Yourself – and Transform Your Life
- Become Your Own Best Friend
- Don’t Give Your Power Away
- Your Values and Living Your Truth
- Standards – a vital part of living your truth
- Having Boundaries – for healthy relationships
- Authenticity and how to be authentic
©Toni Pike 2020
Toni Pike is a multi-genre author who enjoys writing exciting thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children. She also loves travelling and being with family and friends. She lives in Australia and firmly believes that coffee and long walks are an essential part of any day.
Do you like books that you can’t stop reading? Pike is the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS. Her latest release is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE.
She’s also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and coping with the journey. HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips with great advice for anyone who wants to travel overseas.
Books by Toni Pike
One of the recent reviews for Desolation Bluff
Oliver is a successful romance writer and happy newlywed. His wife, Vanessa, is his writing assistant, and his best friend Ray handles promotion. But Oliver is also blind, and what he doesn’t see is the way Vanessa and Ray roll their eyes at him and touch each other’s hands across the table. Then a freak accident returns Oliver’s sight. Before he can tell the two most important people in his life about the miracle, he discovers them in the throes of passion. His ability to see becomes his secret, and the tables turn.
The characters started off a touch flat for me, but they didn’t stay that way for long. As soon as Oliver gets his sight back, things get very interesting, very fast. Oliver is quite crafty and when a distant relative, Ferris, shows up at Oliver’s estate, she joins in the scheming. Things escalate like crazy and grow out of everyone’s control. The pace is great and the plot well-conceived.
The characters are varied and interesting, all of them flawed. Even Vanessa and Ray, despite their deceptions, don’t seem to start out with murderous intentions. And Oliver, in many ways the victim, makes vengeful choices with disastrous results. This book is a quick read that I polished off in a morning. Recommended for anyone who enjoys thrillers.
Thank you for joining us today and I know that Toni would love to receive your feedback