Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.
And finally…..
A man has two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final.
As he sits down, another chap comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
“No”………, he says,………….. “the seat is empty.”
“This is incredible!” he said, “who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA Cup Final,…………..the biggest sporting event of the year,……………….. and not use it?”
“Well, actually, the seat belongs to me”…. he replied……………………….” My wife was supposed to come with me ….. but she has passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.”
“Oh… I’m so sorry to hear that……. That’s terrible. I guess you couldn’t find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?”
“No,” he says shaking his head… ………” they’re all at her funeral”.
My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp
About Daniel Kemp
Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?
In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.
Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.
He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.
A selection of books by Daniel Kemp
Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6
Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally
Good ones, Danny. Thanks, Sally
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Thanks John..hugsx
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Thank you, John, and thank you, Sally. 🙂
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Fab! I really loved the plane one. x
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So true lol.. thanks Trish hugsx
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I got a kick out of the plane one, too. Air travel has certainly lost its cachet since the ’50s.
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no kidding.. with all the security it takes twice as long to go the same distance and it is like a being on a bus. I am not as keen as I used to be.. xxx
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I haven’t been keen on air travel since the ’70s.
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I was forced into it commuting back and forth every three weeks until 2012 – a few times short hop to see my sisters but we now go by ferry and do a road trip instead..xx
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I’d do ferry and road trip as well.
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Daniel finds the great ones. Love the Shakespeare insults and writing in Mandarin. Funny!!!
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Thanks Jennie.. I discovered that the Shakespeare insults give hours of fun lol… xx
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Thank you, Jennie.
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Yes!!
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Great entertainment as always! Thank you, Daniel and Sally! Enjoy your weekend! Its predicted to become higher temperatures, and a lot of sun. :-)) Michael
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Thanks very much Michael… have a lovely weekend and enjoy the sunshine.. hugsx
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:-)) Thank you, Sally!
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Thank you for that.
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Thank you for the laughter, Daniel! Enjoy your weekend! Michael
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Nice laughs on a Friday afternoon. Thanks.
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Thanks Carol.. enjoy your weekend.
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Thank you for that.
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Absolutely hilarious, Danny and Sally. Many thanks. Hugs
Reblogged on Improvisation – “The Art of Living”
https://williampriceking.tumblr.com/
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Thanks William and I have a feeling those Shakespearean insults would prove useful under a number of circumstances..thanks for sharing and have a good weekend..hugsx
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They certainly would, Sally. I agree fully. Have a good weekend, too. Hugs
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Thank you, William
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See how much more interesting and creative Shakespearean insults were compared to our modern ones! LOL.
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I agree Christa and perhaps if our literature teacher had spent more time on these terms we might have paid more attention to Julius Caesar…xx
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I need to save that Shakespeare image so that I can use it. 🤣🤣🤣
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It is on my desktop Carla.. priceless..x
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I love the Shakespeare insult kit! It’s good to have a wide range of insults at one’s disposal. Recycling the same few gets tiresome after a while.
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So true Liz…they lose their impact.. and leaving the room with three well chosen words from that list would certainly be a game changer lol..xx
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😀 Ha ha! Always leave ’em with their mouths agape, eh?
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Always leave ’em wanting more lol…xx
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😀
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I love all these, Daniel – but can’t help laughing (or should I say crying) about the flights in 50 years time. Toni x
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Crying would be right Toni, and after this last year you would be lucky to get nuts and a drink.. especially as it looks like masks are the future of flying…hugsxx
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a true football fan…
and how ironic that plane travel has not gotten better over the years, compared to so many other improvements in the world…
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Especially in first class but so many planes now just want to cram in as many as possible. I think air travel is going to seeing a great many changes going forward and it everyone is wearing masks there wont’ be any coke and nuts either..xx
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I think you’re right, they may ban food on planes, at least for a while…
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A big thanks to Sally, and another ‘Thank You’ to all who enjoyed the laughs.
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Delighted to pass on your funnies Danny..hugsxx
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Reblogged this on Daniel Kemp and commented:
An Open Mic Session on SMORGASBORD LAUGHTER LINES with Sally Cronin
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Thanks for sharing Daniel.. and for another outstanding performance…hugs
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Always a pleasure, Sally, I’m just so pleased to appear on your show— 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Loved these, Danny and Sally. 😊
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Thanks Gwen..hugsx
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I was feeling particularly down tonight (lockdown blues) and feel much better now – loved the FA cup final. It first did the found when I was young but it was a golf course, and the guy removes his hat as a funeral drives past. Wonderful – please keep them coming Danny, we need all the laughter we can get these days.
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Glad it brightened your day Barbara..enjoy the rest of the weekend..xx
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Oh, wow! Danny! Not sure which one I enjoy the most, but all are memorable. Thanks, and thanks Sally for sharing.
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Thanks Olga..hugsx
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The Shakespeare’s insult toolkit is actually quite useful 😀
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lol very versatile and I have memerised one or two phrases for future use….
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Certainly, we do have some artless hastly- witted louts in the world 😀
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lol..
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That last World Cup one was terrible[y good].
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lol.. priorities Robbie..hugsx
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