Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.
A TV detector van pulls up in a street. A man gets out and goes and knocks on one of the doors.
A woman answered the door.
The man said–I’m from the tv licencing department I would like to see your licence.
The woman said–I’m just leaving for work, can you come back at 4 o’clock when my husband will be in. Tell him the licence is on the mantelpiece in the kitchen behind the clock.
The man said —ok I’ve got a few calls to make.
At 4 o’clock the tv man knocks on the door.
The husband opens the door and the man said—-I’m from the tv licencing department, I’ve come to check out your tv licence.
The husband said—I’m not sure where it is.
The tv man said—it’s on the mantelpiece in the kitchen behind the clock.
The husband comes back two minutes later and said—that’s some bloomin’ detection van you got out there..
A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at knife-point tells the man to hand over the jewelry and money.
The man started sobbing and said, “You can take anything you want or even beat me up. But please untie the rope and let her go.”
Thief: “You must really love your wife!”
Man: “Not particularly, but she will be home shortly….”
Eat whatever you like because
The inventor of the treadmill had died at the age of 54
The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57
The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41
The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60
KFC inventor dies at 94
The inventor of the Nutella brand died at the age of 88
Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102
The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake
Hennessy inventor dies at 98
The inventors of Afghani food( Qabeli, Manto and Chapli Kebab) are still alive.
How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?
The rabbit is always jumping but it lives for 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all lives 400 years.
So, Take rest, Chill, Stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy life…
My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp
About Daniel Kemp
Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?
In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.
Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.
He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.
A selection of books by Daniel Kemp
One of the recent reviews for The Story That Had No Beginning
This book is an interesting and complex story about twins, Tom and Alice Collins, who enter the foster care system at a young age and are raised separately. The book starts with Alicia Collinson, aka Alice Collins, and her sophisticated boyfriend hosting two friends for a dinner party. Unknow to the dinner participants, the ghost of her brother Tom, known as Bobby Brown among his peer group, is also in attendance. It is obvious from the start that Alicia is a woman of good financial circumstances who mingles with the elite of London’s society. It also becomes evident quite early on, that Tom’s life has followed a very divergent path and he was a member of the mafia-styled criminal class.
The book follows the paths of the twins and how they come to end up in their different circumstances and lifestyles. Alicia is a well-know and talented photographer who owns her own home in London and has plenty of money. Tom has money, albeit ill gotten, but he dies the death of a criminal.
Tom is a conflicting character as he is a man involved in high class prostitution and other shady and illegal dealings. Despite being a seasoned criminal, his narration of the story reveals a different side to his character. One that questions the life he lived and celebrates the good fortune and success achieved by his sister.
Alice or Alicia has the great good luck to become the protegee of a wealthy single woman with no children who effectively adopts her and sets her on the road to success in her chosen field of photography. Unknown to the naïve Alicia, her benefactor isn’t everything she appears to be and some of the people she socialises with are infamous for their continuous promiscuous behaviour with the same, or the opposite, sex. In a contrast to her brother, Tom, who is in the centre of the debaucherous lifestyles led by the wealthy upper classes of London, Alicia hovers around the edges, not realising what is right in front of her.
The author has an in-depth knowledge of the illicit behaviour of the British upper class and paints a detailed picture of how greed, selfishness and a complete disregard for the values and ethics of society lead to the downfall of people.
This book will make you question what success is all about and whether it leads to contentment as the stories of the many characters unfold. This is thought provoking tale as despite the huge difference in the siblings financial and social positions, both of them end up with money but neither of them have good reliable partners or simply and happy lives.
Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally