Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – April 30th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Onions and other Favourite Things

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad. –

Plus as a special –  two of Danny’s books are FREE until 5th May – links at the bottom of the funnies.

May be an image of text that says "THE RECIPE SAID ΤΟ DICE THE ONION. WENT Το A LOT OF EFFORT BUT I'M PLEASED WITH THE RESULT."

May be an image of text that says "9 OUT OF 10 HUSBANDS AGREED THAT THEIR WIVES ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. THE 10TH HUSBAND HASN'T BEEN SEEN SINCE THE STUDY WAS CONDUCTED."

May be an image of 1 person and text that says "They're cute and look harmless but they are loud, incredibly expensive to keep, and absolutely untrainable! The other one is a kangaroo. I don't know anything about kangaroos... know"

May be an image of text

May be an image of text that says "They say we learn from our mistakes... That's why I'm making as many as possible. I'll soon be a genius!"

And to finish up…

Julie Andrews Turning 84-this is hysterical!

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was My Favorite Things from the legendary movie ‘Sound Of Music’. Here are the lyrics she used:

(Sing It!) – If you sing it, it’s especially hysterical!!!
Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pain, confused brains, and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
>>>>>>>>>>>> > >>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>
(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd
that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. Please
share Ms. Andrews’ clever wit and humor with others who
would appreciate it.)

 

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

One of the reviews for A Covenant of Spies

Brian Kitchen 5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent spy novel.  Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 5 January 2020

Daniel Kemp has written another excellent spy novel about Patrick West, the chairman of the British Joint Intelligence Committee. In this novel Patrick is attempting to unravel a web of deceit centred around Nikita Kudashov, an intelligence operative, who wants West to extract his grand-daughter from Moscow.

As West delves deeper into Kudashov’s history, he finds links to operations he took part in himself back in the 1980s and a trail that leads to an old enemy and also involves the Machiavellian machinations of his old boss Dickie Blythe-Smith.

I won’t spoil the plot for readers, but I was engrossed by the story and really enjoyed it. I enjoy reading the novels of John le Carré, Len Deighton and Graham Green and think this novel would appeal to readers who also like those writers.  

FREE until May 5th

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally

39 thoughts on “Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – April 30th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Onions and other Favourite Things

  1. I wanted to see if I could find a video of Julie Andrews singing the senior version of “My Favorite Things.” When I googled it, several sites say it happened, but several others say it’s a hoax. Hmmm . . .

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – April 25th – May 1st 2021 – Chart Hits 1968, Empaths, Irish Tales, Poetry, Reviews, Health and Humour | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

  3. Love the funnies, Sally! Thanks for the chuckles. Congrats to Danny Kemp. I read his book and enjoyed it too! I will check out the others. Thanks for sharing, my friend. 💕 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

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