Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad. –
And to finish up…
A letter received by mistake
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am very well, I hope you are too. Tell big brothers Sean, Paddy, and Mick that the Army is better than working on the farm; tell them to get into the Army quick before the jobs are all gone.
I was a bit slow settling down at first because you don’t get out of bed until 6am, but I got used to it and I like sleeping in now. All you do before breakfast is make your bed, shine your boots and clean your uniform.
No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack, nothing.
Men must shave, but it’s not too bad because there’s hot water and a light to see what you’re doing.
For breakfast, there’s cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no fillet steaks or sausages. You don’t get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we’ve been on a ‘route march’, which is just like walking to the well in the meadow.
This will kill Sean and Paddy with laughter but I keep getting medals for shooting!! I don’t know why because the bull’s-eye is as big as a bloody bull’s head and it doesn’t move and it’s not firing back at you like the Murphy’s did when our bull got their cow in calf before the Ballina show. All you have to do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target – a piece of piss. You don’t even load your own cartridges – they come in boxes and you don’t have to steady yourself against the roll bar of the tractor when you reload.
Sometimes we wrestle with the city boys and I have to be very careful because they break easy – it’s not like fighting with Sean, Paddy, Mick, and all the other local fellas all at once like we do.
Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either; it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got. I’ve only been beaten once by this guy from Dublin – he’s 6 foot 8 and 120 kilos so he’s a good bit bigger than me but I fought to the end.
I can’t complain about the Army – tell the boys to get in quick before word gets out how good it is.
Your loving daughter,
My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp
About Daniel Kemp
Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?
In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.
Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.
He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.
A selection of books by Daniel Kemp
One of the reviews for A Desolate Garden
This is a well-written but exceedingly complex book. Set in the world of espionage, international intrigue, and political manipulations, it follows an investigation by Harry Patterson into the murders of his father and brother. Judith Meadows has been assigned to aid him, and the two of them make quite a pair. Their testy relationship adds some flavor to an otherwise cerebral read.
What do I mean by that? Between sections of expertly written dialog, the book is expository, relaying multiple family histories and the political machinations of individuals and countries on the world stage, primarily the espionage between England and the Soviet Union.
The research is impressive. I can’t say that enough. So is the tangled plot and eventual reveal. There are a lot of secrets. There are also a lot of characters, and it’s important to keep them straight. Pay attention as it’s easy to get lost.
For readers interested in fast-paced James Bond- style action, this book may not be for you since there is no action at all. For readers who love realistic espionage, historical fiction, or a deep dive into 20th-century English-Soviet behind-the-scenes manipulations, this book may be the perfect read.
Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback..Have a good weekend…Sally