Welcome to my column – Realms of Relationships. In my last edition of Realms of Relationships I wrote about Kindred Spirits. In this edition, I’m writing about Soul Mates – how we recognize them, and the common bonds that connect us with them.
What is a Soul Mate?
Let me begin by saying there are four main types of soul mates. You may read about several more, but the main ones I’ll touch on today are:
Healing Soul Mates: These are new friends who arrive with intent to provide us with life lessons that help to heal our memories. Healing soul mates appear in our lives through divine timing — the universe sends us these souls in the times we most need them to teach us a lesson we need to learn, comfort us in a time of need, and often to teach us a path forward. Most healing friendships exist only for as long as it takes to fulfil their purpose and help us align ourselves in clearer situations. This kind of friend usually shows up when we are facing repetitive patterns and trying to work through old issues with no resolution.
Karmic Soul Mates: Karmic soul mates could sometimes come as Past Life soul mates too. Our connection is deep and karmic, and often painful, as it aligns us with our ego struggles. The lesson is to experience the ego pain and learn to work through it to learn how to overcome ego difficulties.
Karmic soul mates sometimes have a twin-like connection. When intense emotions are evoked, each mate can actually feel what each other feels. Some of these souls have come back by reincarnation to relive and fix their own karma from a past life, to help break a negative, repetitive cycle. The struggle for many is to learn to disregard our ego, and a karmic soul is the perfect one to help teach us.
Past Life Soul Mates: These are the people we may have shared a past life with. We’ll experience a Déjà vu feeling with this person. This person will help to shape us into better humans. We’ll feel as though we’ve known that person forever, making the relationship feel easy and familiar. The connection is instant. We may feel we’ll be mates for a lifetime — no matter how much time has passed or how far apart we may be from them through distance. We learn to trust and believe in ourselves with this person’s guidance. This new soul friend will help us grow into the person we’re meant to be. These relationships are typically platonic, not about physical attraction, but as a protective, nourishing friendship.
This type of friendship can last a lifetime. This person may not be someone you will see every day, but you will stay connected through other means to sustain the relationship. They’ll always bring love and fun, no matter how much time has passed.
Twin Flames Soul Mates: Twin flames cooperate to overcome emotional and spiritual barriers. They could talk for hours without ever running out of things to say. They think in the same way, they’re on the same energy wavelength, they often finish each other’s sentences, and enjoy doing things as a pair.
When we meet our twin flame, we’ll feel a sense of oneness. Twin Flames usually aren’t in a romantic relationship. They are usually forever. Many Twin Flames feel as though each other is their other half. Often, words aren’t required to communicate, as they often know what each other will say or what they’re thinking.
A soul mate brings lessons for us to learn. Some soul mates may disappear from our lives once they’ve delivered the lesson and, quite possibly, show up again at other times. Some other soul mates will remain in our lives if we are lucky enough to find one. Other soul mates recognize their soul mate instantly by experiencing a feeling of familiarity upon first meeting. The energy attracts. We recognize a soul mate when we feel we can bear our souls openly without judgements and be completely free with that person about who we are, inside and out. This is a mutual understanding between both souls. Again, a soul mate can definitely become our spouse, but friends can also be soul mates. There are romantic and platonic soul mates.
Some people think a soul mate is automatically our chosen relationship mate, but there are different types of soul mates. And not every couple marries their soul mate. Generally speaking, a soul mate is someone we mesh beautifully with in thinking, values, likes, etc. But for many, a soul mate is much more. For instance, if we have a close bond with someone, we often can feel or ‘know’ what they’re thinking, and sometimes even what they are up to without speaking, and commonly, easily finish each other’s sentences.
A soul connection with someone feels as though we connected on a same soul level. A soul mate is someone we feel a deep, natural affinity for, someone our soul recognizes and resonates with. There is typically a common bond bringing the two souls together. This can be in friendships or relationships of the heart. When we find this person, we just know. A special bond forms that leave us feeling we’ve known that person in another life, or that some common incident brought us both together. Sometimes soul mates come into our lives because we’ve made a pre-destined pact in a past life to be together in this life, in various capacities.
Does everyone have a Soul Mate?
There potentially are soul mates for everyone, but that doesn’t mean we will all get that gifted opportunity to meet a soul mate. It could be geography that separates the union, and also there are many who don’t believe in soul mates. If we aren’t open to receiving what the universe orchestrates for us, we won’t receive. Meeting people is all guided by the universe who does its thing in divine time – at the right moment for the meeting to happen.
What are the Elements of a Soul Mate?
Often this person will give us the feeling we’ve met before in another life, and often that is the case. That feeling of ‘deja vu’ we experience with them is often just that, a feeling you’ve been together before doing something just like in the moment you experience the feeling. Many soul mates together in another life, choose to come back to same soul mates, so that is where the ‘familiarity’ can also come from. Soul mates often have a mental connection similar to that of twins.
Soul mates sometimes enter our lives for specific reasons and then we must let them go, for example, a Healing Soul Mate. People have the misconception that soul mates are one person we are destined to be with until our dying day. The truth is, we may have several soul mates who will show up in our lives precisely when the universe knows we need them, while others may be blessed to have found their one soul mate to share their life with.
Most of us who have a soul mate do maintain that relationship throughout a lifetime. Other times, some soul mates are meant precisely to come into our life for a specific reason, whether it be to give a life lesson, show us the way in life when we feel lost, or in a time of need for healing.
I have two soul mates. I must be blessed. One is my BFF, Zan, in the UK and the other is/was my husband.
With Zan, we’ve been through thick and thin and in between for forty years. We are completely on the same wave-length of thinking. We can finish each other’s sentences and communicate even without words. I met Zan when I first moved away from home. I was green! I knew nothing about the world except for what I was told. I began living when I moved away from home and Zan became my best friend, but more than that – a teacher, a mother, a mentor, and a sister to me. Twenty-five years ago, she moved to the UK after she met her now husband who came here on a business trip and happened to visit a popular after work drinking hole that Zan happened to be at with a friend. And only months after, packed up her life and went to the UK. But no distance could keep us apart, because we are soul mates. We are the ultimate definition of Twin Flames. She comes to visit once or twice a year and phone calls and video chats (in recent years) have enabled us to continue our friendship as though no miles are between us.
My husband? Well, like I mentioned earlier, it’s difficult to pinpoint when exactly we realize our soul mates, because it’s more of a feeling than a declaration just because we call soul mate doesn’t make it so.
I was a chronic fusspot when it came to dating, usually looking for the reasons I shouldn’t date someone. I dated a lot in my long single years, but one thing I’d always managed, was to stay clear of – getting married. Maybe I’d lived enough in a perpetual broken home, maybe I felt as though I’d served my time as a child playing Mom, but whatever it was, and despite a few near engagements where I realized I couldn’t spend my life with that person, my instincts kept me away from marriage. But when I began dating my husband, a confirmed, ‘already divorced’ bachelor, and he told me on our third date he was going to marry me, it frightened me because I thought he may have been right. Even though, at the time, I laughed and told him that was never going to happen. But it did. Because we were absolutely meant to be, and it scared me. I knew I’d met my everything I could possibly dream of if I were to ever marry. Less than a year later we were living together, and an engagement ring enveloped my finger. When you know, you just know.
If we learn to be aware of what our instincts are telling us and learn to trust in them, we’ll find they usually lead us in the right direction, exactly where we are meant to be. If we follow our natural instincts without second-guessing ourselves and without allowing ego to dominate our thoughts and instincts, and learn to trust, we will find we’re usually on the right path to where we need to be.
Four types of soul mates
The science of soul mates
I hope you enjoyed this edition of Soul Mates. And if any of you here have found your soul mate and you’d like to share about here, please join in the conversation.
My thanks to Debby for sharing this interesting explanation and examples of the different kinds of soul mates.. I have been lucky and I know Debby would love to hear your experiences.
Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.
D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.
When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
“I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.”
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”
“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”
Books by D.G. Kaye
One of the reviews for Twenty Years After “I Do”
Reviewed in the United States
D.G. Kaye’s memoir, Twenty Years After I Do, piqued my interest for a couple of reasons. First, I’ve been married for thirty-one years to a man who is not only my loving husband but who is my very best friend. I wanted to read what the author had to say on the subject, and she certainly inserted many pearls of wisdom of which I agreed with. Before I met my husband, I had dated a man twenty years older than me, so reading her perspective on the age difference grabbed my attention, as well. This was the second book that I have read from Debby, so I was already familiar with her beautiful, conversational writing.
Debby offers snippets of insight from her own experiences on how to keep a marriage happy and unbreakable. She adds how humor can lighten any heavy situation and intimately writes of how sex ultimately changes from dating to married life. Most importantly though, she conveys that love has no timeline. Couples should enjoy each moment together and unconditional love will carry them through the difficult times. I was moved by this lovely collection of stories from Debby’s marriage to Gordon, and how she met true love when she least expected. An enjoyable read and one I highly recommend.
Thanks for joining Debby today and please share your experiences in the comments.. thanks Sally.