Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – September 7th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Diet Tips and Life Observations

Debby Gies has been foraging on line for some funnies and I have a joke or two from the archives.

   

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest relationship column here on Smorgasbord: Realms of Relationships – Soul Mates

Now something from Sally

Some useful hints from those who have tried and tested their suggestions!

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull terrier

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

There are two kinds of pedestrians – the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said,
“Quit while you’re ahead?”

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you
say, talk in your sleep.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error…..

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone…

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… Debby and Sally.