Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Guest Post – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! #Life by Terry Tyler

I am sure like me, there have been times when you have wondered what difference might have been made to your life, if your younger self had been gifted with the experience and knowledge you have accumulated over the years.

I invited several friends from the writing community to share their thoughts on this subject which I am sure you will enjoy as much as I did.

Many thanks, Sally, for inviting me to share my thoughts on your new feature.

‘I wish I knew then what I know now’ by Terry Tyler

I was a teenager in the 1970s and in my twenties during the 1980s – a much easier time to be young, I think. No social media telling you what to think, no mobile phones following you everywhere, you could walk in and out of jobs at whim and find a cheap flat by answering a newspaper ad. I consider myself so lucky to have been born when I was, and have known that time. How would I advise the eighteen-year-old me to make the most of such good fortune, if I could go back in time to 1977?

The Generation Gap:

Whatever issues you’re having, however vast the chasm between your lifestyle and that of your parents, find some common ground. The older you get the more you will appreciate them, but never more than when they are gone. Talk to them. Ask them about their lives. When they give you advice, at least consider it. Their youth may have been very different from yours, but human nature is a constant.

My parents died in 2017 and 2019; I still have so many questions that will remain forever unanswered – and I would give a great deal to have one more day with them.

The Sparrow’s Flight:

Edited quote from St Bede, in the 7th Century:

‘The present life of man upon earth – like the swift flight of a sparrow through the mead-hall where you sit at supper in winter, while the fire blazes in the midst and the hall is warmed. The sparrow, flying in at one door and immediately out at another – so this life of man appears for a little while, but of what is to follow or what went before we know nothing at all.’

Life is short. When you’re young, you can’t imagine what it’s like not to have all those decades stretching ahead of you, but the years certainly speed up once you hit forty. Now I’m sixty-two, I find that there aren’t enough hours in the day, days in the week or weeks in the year to do everything I want to do. Books I want to read (and write), subjects I’d like to learn more about. Don’t waste a moment complaining about being bored. Don’t waste time on people who drain you and let you down. Appreciate your friends, nurture good friendships. Don’t spend half your youth in the pub. See something of the world. Life is a gift. Use it well!

Affairs of the Heart:

How much time and emotional energy do we, as young women, waste wondering and discussing with our friends whether or not HE really is interested/really does love you/is ever going to get his act together?

Listen, and digest:

• If a relationship is going well, you don’t need to discuss it.
• In every couple there is one who kisses, and one who turns the cheek. This is so true, even in the happiest of relationships.
• If he wants to call you/spend time with you, he will. No matter how busy his life. If he doesn’t, it’s because he doesn’t want to, or certainly not enough to make it a priority.
• Beware the addict – life with a drinker, a gambler or any other sort of addict will always be an uphill struggle, and unless he wants to change for himself, the slope ahead will only become steeper.

My Body, My Choice:

Don’t waste another day being hung up about your weight. You’re probably not as fat as you think you are (I spent decades thinking I was fat; when I look back at old photos I see that I wasn’t). If you really are overweight and it affects your health, confidence and state of mind, do something about it. Maintaining a healthy weight gets harder after you’re thirty, and harder still every decade after that. Remember: nothing tastes as good as losing weight feels.

Remember, though, that your body shape is your own choice. In my 20s, I allowed the man I was with to make me feel inadequate because I was a size 14 rather than a size 10. I have never been or wanted to be smaller than a large size 12; if he’d wanted a skinny girlfriend, he shouldn’t have picked me!

The Roaring Twenties

Your twenties: such a valuable time in your life when you have youth, energy, independence, a whole world out there to explore. These are the years to enjoy your freedom, to try anything you want, make mistakes and learn from them. It is not a time to be wasted in a boring job, a stagnant love life, with friends that don’t enrich your life. It’s the time to travel, to meet lots of new people, to do whatever you want (within reason!).

My mother used to say that you need two lives, the second one to get it right. Oh if only, eh?

Thanks again, Sally!

©Terry Tyler 2022

My thanks to Terry for sharing her thoughts on the prompt and for some excellent guidelines for relationships and body image. Two issues that can result in a great deal of heartache through life. I know she would love to hear from you.

A small selection of  books by Terry Tyler

Terry’s latest release

My review for Where There’s Doubt on April 9th 2022

This is a psychological thriller which delves into the minefield that is modern day online dating and keeps you on the edge of your seat from page one.

Dating has become big business. Certainly for those who host the sites where millions hopefully upload their photographs, likes and dislikes and reach out into the void for a connection that will fulfil their dreams of everlasting love. It is also a feeding ground for sharks, seeking out the vulnerable, the desperate, the broken-hearted and those who are easily manipulated. Their intent is to bequile and deprive their victims of their money, self-esteem, dreams and hope.

Kate is just out of a long term relationship which has left her wondering about the myth surrounding true love. Then along comes a man who ticks all the boxes… seems to know her so well from the outset, anticipating all her needs and hopes within a relationship. Wary but falling in love, Kate begins to ignore her inner voice and friends well-meaning cautions and the game is on.

Over the course of the first part of the book the other players in this game each side of the con are introduced, including the masterminds behind the scam. The author is very good at creating characters who the reader can easily identify, including the poster boy for every woman’s romantic dream, handsome, attentive, successful and sexy. However we  hear first hand from this adonis about what he thinks of his victims and his accomplice as well as his endgame. We are spectators to the events but can only watch from the sidelines, helpless to intervene to prevent the inevitable tragedies and loss.

In the second part of the book we discover which of the victims are going to rise above this dispicable piece of trickery and deal with the aftermath. The best and worst of human traits is explored and for some there will be surprising revelations that threaten to devastate them even further. Does crime pay, will there be retribution, who will survive the con?

Highly recommended as a thriller you will find hard to put down.

About Terry Tyler

Terry Tyler is the author of twenty-four books available from Amazon, the latest being ‘Where There’s Doubt’, about a romance scammer. Also recently published is ‘Megacity’, the final book in the dystopian Operation Galton trilogy. She is currently at work on a post apocalyptic series, which will probably take the form of three novellas. Proud to be independently published, Terry is an avid reader and book reviewer, and a member of Rosie Amber’s Book Review Team.

Terry is a Walking Dead addict, and has a great interest in history (particularly 12th-17th century), along with books and documentaries on sociological/cultural/anthropological subject matter. She loves South Park, the sea, and going for long walks in quiet places where there are lots of trees. She lives in the north east of England with her husband.

Read the reviews and buy the books:Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – Follow Terry Tyler: Goodreads – Blog: Terry Tyler Blogspot – Twitter:@TerryTyler4

 

Thank you for dropping in today and it would be great if you could share Terry’s guest post… thanks Sally.