Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.
So, Ronnie and Eric are in their usual haunt having a few refreshments.
Ronnie says to Eric, “I just finished reading a new book entitled “You Can Be the Man of Your House.”
“So, I went into the kitchen and walked directly up to my wife.”
Ronnie continued “Following the book’s advice I pointed a finger in her face and said sternly,
“from now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and that my word is the law!” Undaunted he carried on.
“You will prepare me my favourite meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me my favourite dessert.”
”After dinner, you are going to run me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.”
“After that’s done, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
Eric asks, what did she say to that?”
Ronnie sighs then replies, she stared at me for a moment then said,
“Well Ronnie, the undertaker would be my first guess.”
The expertise of Red Adair (that well-known firefighter) was called upon to put out an oil rig fire.
On his way through his plane landed in Ireland for an overnight stop so Red took advantage to visit the local hostelry for a pint of the black stuff.
On entering the bar two old Irish boys witnessed him walk in and one said to the other. ‘Isn’t that Red Adair’? The other replied, ‘No’.
The old boy then said, ‘I’m sure it is and I’m so sure that I will bet you a pint if I am wrong.’
The doubting one said, ‘Ok,’ and they both went over to Red and the one said, ‘Are ye, Red Adair’? To which Red confirmed he was.
The doubting Irishman said, ‘Are ye still dancing with Ginger Rogers’?
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
And this one just about sums them all up
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:
‘I Upped My Pledge – Up yours
My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp
About Daniel Kemp
Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?
In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.
Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.
He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.
A selection of books by Daniel Kemp
A review for What Happened in Vienna Jack?
Truth and lies, lies and truth and which is which? Can the truth be hidden in a lie and a lie be veiled in the truth?Suppose there are secrets too? Just the knowledge that something is hidden, well, reality can become a little blurred and obscure. When Patrick West meets Jack Prior in Daniel Kemp’s “What happened in Vienna Jack?” an investigation into police corruption in Soho leads, indirectly, to what could become a world ending catastrophe.
“What Happened in Vienna Jack?” Is a thriller, a tale of espionage and deceit, a story where a turn of reality can change with the turn of a page. I am constantly amazed by Daniel Kemp’s ability to not only keep control over a vast array of characters but, simultaneously, weave an erudite absorbing narrative that leaves me confounded. It was difficult to harness what I was reading. Daniel Kemp is meticulous in his research and extremely knowledgeable about Europe’s political landscape of 1933-1970.
In November of 1937 a violation, somewhere in Europe and prior to WW2, precipitates the unfolding narrative. Like any violation it is cruel, humiliating…just by reading about it, I felt dirty. The violation involves a prominent Nazi and a member of the British monarchy…see what I mean about secrets? This secret is so controversial (and “controversial” here is a massive understatement) that it is hidden, even to the point of murder, for fear of the secret being divulged. It’s an adroit piece of writing.
When I’ve posted this review I shall be reading “What Happened in Vienna Jack?” again. I think that most lovers of the thriller genre will feel the same. I’m not ready to leave either the characters, or this compulsive, gripping narrative…I’ll linger over every paragraph. And I’m pleased to learn that this book is just part one of a book series. If I haven’t made it clear enough, this book is highly recommended.
Thanks for visiting and I know Danny would love your feedback.…Sally