Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Guest Post – #Life – I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! by Sharon Marchisello

I am sure like me, there have been times when you have wondered what difference might have been made to your life, if your younger self had been gifted with the experience and knowledge you have accumulated over the years.

I invited several friends from the writing community to share their thoughts on this subject which I am sure you will enjoy as much as I did.

Today author Sharon Marchisello looks back to her teens and shares her thoughts on how she might have made different choices.

I wish I knew then what I know now! by Sharon Marchisello

Sharon in 10th grade

If I could travel back in time and have a chat with my sixteen-year-old self, I would have told her to focus. Make a plan and execute it. Planning doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t make changes along the way, but at least you know where you’re going and have a reasonable idea how you’re going to get there. If you don’t know what success looks like, how will you know when you’ve achieved it?

Not having a plan means you drift through life, letting it happen to you rather than making things happen. Like you’re watching a movie written and directed by someone else. And one day, you’re in your sixties, still trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up.

I had dreams, but they were just that. Not goals. I had no idea how to turn my dreams into reality. For a while, I thought I wanted to be a model—never mind that I was too short, and not thin or pretty enough. And I had no concept of what the work entailed, no way of knowing whether I’d even like it. I also thought I wanted to be an actress, but I was shy speaking in front of people and couldn’t project my voice to be heard in a crowd. It never occurred to me to take acting lessons or actively pursue parts in school or community plays. I figured I’d just move to Hollywood someday and wait to be discovered.

If I’d had some career counseling, maybe I’d have directed my energy toward more realistic pursuits: journalism, business, international diplomacy. These days, there are so many interesting courses of study and career paths—fields I never knew existed.

My parents encouraged me to go to college, but their purpose for educating a female child was to ensure she’d meet a college-educated man with great prospects, and that she’d develop an appreciation for education that she’d pass on to her children. So her sons could find lucrative careers and her daughters could snare good providers.

They encouraged me to prepare for a “fallback career,” such as teaching. Something I could do to help support the family if my husband died or we fell on hard times. Even though I had no interest in running a classroom full of high school students, I earned a teaching certificate—but then never sought a position as a teacher. I also didn’t get married and start a family.

If I could have counseled my young self when I entered college, I would have said: 1) Don’t try to finish too fast. (I took the maximum number of classes each semester and then went to summer school so I could graduate in three years.) Slow down, stretch it out over another year or two, enjoy the experience. Have fun, get involved in extracurricular activities, maybe join a sorority. 2) Dump him! Don’t spend your college years dating a jealous and controlling boyfriend (who prevented me from making friends, having fun, and participating in after-class activities). I did finally dump him, but about five years too late. At least I didn’t marry him.

All my life, I wanted to be a writer—a bestselling author, of course—but didn’t know how to parlay my skill with words into a career. I was arrogant enough to believe I had a great talent the world would someday discover, not realizing that even if you do have talent, you need to hone your craft, get feedback from others, rewrite and discard many precious words. I was an adult before I discovered writing classes and critique groups. And then I still thought getting published was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow—instead of the beginning of an uphill battle to reach readers. (And not even the beginning; I’ve learned that marketing and networking needs to start long before publication.)

Although my friends and family told me I had talent, they scoffed at the idea that I’d ever be able to make a living with my writing; they considered it a cute hobby. I’d have to get a “real” job to support myself.

Over the years, I had little trouble finding employment, but because I considered writing my real career, these positions were just jobs, trading time for a paycheck. I never took the steps necessary to climb the corporate ladder, like applying for entry-level supervisory roles, paying my dues. Consequently, I was later passed over for promotion because I didn’t have leadership experience. If I’d known I was going to spend 27 years working at an airline—a job I took mainly for the wonderful travel benefits—I would have done things differently, followed a more judicious career path.

Celebrating 25th birthday at a Renaissance Faire with a musician boyfriend.

I often think about what my life would have been if I’d made different choices at critical junctures. But if I’d gone down a different road, I’d have missed out on many of the experiences I did have; I might never have met the most important people in my life. Maybe my life would be better, but maybe not. Maybe I wouldn’t have been happy with the responsibility of a corporate executive; it might have taken too much time away from writing and travel—the things I enjoy.

There are probably many paths I could have taken that would have resulted in a satisfying life; it was impossible to choose them all. Anyway, there’s no use dwelling on what might have been; happiness is appreciating what is. 

©Sharon Marchisello 2022

My thanks to Sharon for her look back at her teenage years and college and the advice she would have given herself at that time…I am sure I can relate and  I know Sharon would love to hear from you.

About Sharon Marchisello

Sharon Marchisello is the author of two mysteries published by Sunbury Press, Going Home (2014) and Secrets of the Galapagos (2019). She is an active member of Sisters in Crime.

She contributed short stories to anthologies Shhhh…Murder! (Darkhouse Books, 2018) and Finally Home (Bienvenue Press, 2019). Her personal finance book Live Well, Grow Wealth was originally published as Live Cheaply, Be Happy, Grow Wealthy, an e-book on Smashwords. Sharon has published travel articles, book reviews, and corporate training manuals, and she writes a personal finance blog called Countdown to Financial Fitness.

She grew up in Tyler, Texas, and earned her Bachelor of Arts from the University of Houston in French and English. She studied for a year in Tours, France, on a Rotary scholarship and then moved to Los Angeles to pursue her Masters in Professional Writing at the University of Southern California.

Retired from a 27-year career with Delta Air Lines, she lives in Peachtree City, Georgia, doing volunteer work for the Fayette Humane Society and the Fayette County Master Gardeners UGA Extension.

Also by Sharon Marchisello

My review for Going Home 30th September 2021

This is a well written and thought provoking story that combines a care crisis that many of us face with elderly parents who have developed dementia, and the unravelling of the mystery surrounding a murder in a family home.

It is clear the author has experience of the challenge of communicating with someone who has short term memory loss, and brings in a cleverly crafted murder plot with plenty of twists and turns to keep the reader interested.

There are flashbacks to the past and events which have a bearing on the present, and the reader is witness to the fallout that revelations result in as the search begins for a viable suspect amongst the outsiders who have access to the family home. It would seem that the authorities have only one suspect in mind, and without the ability to communicate coherently, an elderly woman must rely on her extended family to prove her innocence.

The author does a great job in keeping all the various strands of the plot running smoothly in parallel and brings the story to a satisfactory climax.

I recommend to those who enjoy well written murder mysteries and family sagas.

Read the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK – follow Sharon: Goodreads – blog: Sharon Blogspot – Twitter: @SLMarchisello