I am sure like me, there have been times when you have wondered what difference might have been made to your life, if your younger self had been gifted with the experience and knowledge you have accumulated over the years.
I invited several friends from the writing community to share their thoughts on this subject which I am sure you will enjoy as much as I did.
Today author Noelle Granger shares her experiences as a young professor at a time when equality and respect were not freely given within the academic environment.
I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now! #Equality by Noelle Granger
I’m a bit older than most people in the blogosphere, having been born at the end of WWII and growing up in the 50s. Life then was family-oriented, patriarchal, and had no electronic distractions except for the arrival of a TV in the house in the mid-50s (strictly regulated by my father.) I Iistened to my favorite radio shows on Saturday morning.
I went to an all- women’s college in the 60s – my choice but approved by my parents. There I heard lectures by Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, and the other women icons of that time. These were the years of “women’s lib’ when birth control liberated us from virginitus and from the traditional roles of housewife and mother. You can do it all, we were told, and even ads reminded us “You can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget you’re a man…” Still many of my classmates got an MRS along with their BA.
At the time, I never felt limited in my choices, perhaps because both my father and mother were college-educated and Mom worked outside the home by choice. My college years reinforced that. And I never considered myself any different from my male colleagues in graduate school. But there, for the first time, I ran into a wall of misogyny. I taught the anatomy labs for both medical and dental students.
There were maybe three or four women in the medical school classes and none in dental school, and the dental students were pigs. The directors of dental anatomy assigned me to give the lectures on reproductive anatomy, which I did to cat calls and rude comments from the students. In the labs, the students told me more than once I should be home behind the stove. I’d finally had enough when they called me b–ch, c–t, and various other epithets, but when I complained to the Dean of the Dental School, he essentially told me to suck it up.
Noelle on the faculty at UC Irvine
There followed a faculty position at a west coast university, where I was paid 2/3rds the salary of a man who came in after me at the same level. When I pointed it out, the administration increased my salary to his level, but then upped his, saying that he had a family and needed the money.
Chapel Hill and factulty at UNC
If there was any upside to all this, it was the fact I grew a tough skin. When I became an assistant professor here in North Carolina, I was advised not have children until I got tenure since I would be viewed as unserious about my career. I had both my children before getting tenure, which I did in five years, not the standard seven. There was no maternity leave at the time – my children came to work with me until we could find decent daycare (a rarity). My son took his afternoon naps in a filing cabinet, my daughter played in a playpen in the middle of the lab. But I worked hard on committees to establish rules for maternity leave, parental leave, time off the tenure clock for personal and family reasons, and a program to teach women in the academy how to succeed.
Noelle and Gene with young family
After I became a full professor, the question I was most frequently asked was, “How can you do it all?” and my answer was, “You can’t.”
Those women in the 60s misled us to believe we could, and a lot of my colleagues crashed and burned trying to have it all. They had a career. They never married, but if they did, they often divorced, more than once. They opted not to have children, when they wanted to be mothers. Some had children, but then opted out of their careers.
My advice was: “Learn how to juggle. You have three balls – research and teaching, service to the university, and your family. Not necessarily in that order. Never have more than two balls in the air at a time. Sometimes it might only be one, but you decide which balls and when. Take advantage of what you have now: maternity leave, time off the tenure clock, and professional education. That’s how you do it.”
If I knew then what I know now, I probably never would have chosen an academic career and a family, fearing for my sanity. Especially after all the bad advice. But I loved what I did and I loved having a family. So even though the advice was bad, finding my own way to ‘have it all’ made me tough. I have to thank them for that.
© Noelle Granger 2022
My thanks to Noelle for sharing her experiences and also the inspiration to overcome the obstacles and succeed in such a spectacular way. I know she would love to hear from you.
About Noelle Granger
Noelle A. Granger grew up in Plymouth, Massachusetts, in a rambling, 125-year-old house with a view of the sea. Summers were spent sailing and swimming. She was also one of the first tour guides at Plimoth Plantation. Granger graduated from Mount Holyoke College with a bachelor’s degree in Zoology and from Case Western Reserve University with a Ph.D. in anatomy. Following a career of research in developmental biology and teaching human anatomy to medical students and residents, the last 28 years of which were spent at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, she decided to try her hand at writing fiction. The Rhe Brewster Mystery Series was born.
The series features Rhe Brewster, an emergency room nurse, as the protagonist. Rhe lives in the fictional coastal town of Pequod, Maine, (similar to Plymouth) and Granger uses her knowledge of such a small town, her experiences sailing along the Maine coast, and her medical background to enrich each book in the series. In the first book, Death in a Red Canvas Chair, the discovery of a wet, decaying body of a young woman, sitting in a red canvas chair at the far end of a soccer field, leads Rhe on a trail that heads to a high-end brothel and a dodgy mortuary operation.
The second novel in the Rhe Brewster Mystery Series, Death in a Dacron Sail, was released in 2015, and finds Rhe responding to a discovery by one of the local lobstermen: a finger caught in one of his traps. The third book, Death By Pumpkin, begins with the sighting of the remains of a man’s body in a car smashed by a giant pumpkin at the Pequod Pumpkin Festival. Up next? Death in a Mud Flat.
In addition to the Rhe Brewster Mystery Series, Granger has had short stories, both fiction and non-fiction, published in Deep South Magazine, Sea Level Magazine, the Bella Online Literary Review, and Coastal Style Magazine, and has been featured in Chapel Hill Magazine, The News & Observer, The Boothbay Register, and other local press. Granger lives with her husband, a cat who blogs, and a hyperactive dog in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She spends a portion of every summer in Maine.
Books by N.A. Granger
One of the many reviews for The Last Pilgrim a book I can also highly recommend.
It’s inevitable that a detailed, closely-researched account of the tribulations faced by those who crossed the Atlantic in “The Mayflower” will be read differently by a British audience than an American one. Yet even if you don’t feel the patriotic overtones, this is a still well-researched and at times deeply moving tale of people fighting to remain true to themselves, despite hardships and disagreements of every kind. There is no romantic whitewashing of revered historical figures either. These hyper-puritans squabble, quarrel, are tempted away by profit, lust after one another and frequently prove themselves fallible human beings, not cardboard figures in a sanctified history.
Most unusually, the author tells her story not through the actions of male leaders but mostly through the eyes of a woman whose family joined the desperate venture when she was just a small child. Mary Allerton Cushman lived through all the triumphs and disasters of the colony until almost the end of the seventeenth century, 80 years after the day in 1620 when their leaky ship set sail from Plymouth, England, bound, they hoped, for lands to the south of Cape Cod.
Page by page, you see the colonists’ bitter struggles through the experiences of those involved, complete with the emotions which drove them either to hold out in the darkest moments or give up. Despite their professed attachment to the colony’s beliefs, several members grew weary and went elsewhere. Others openly lived in a manner inconsistent with their sect’s doctrines. Nothing went easily for the colony, despite growing numbers and prosperity. Indeed, this very growth produced constant friction between the original colonists and those who came after. There was a surface brotherhood, but one constantly at war with all the individualism and personal desires the human race is naturally prone to. The Plymouth colony saw no golden age of harmony, but a seething mass of disputes and antagonisms, held together by the few who set being true to their beliefs over the opportunities available in a land still lacking any kind of central authority or government.
If you want to get a powerful insight into a time of conflict between set religious dogma and burgeoning individualism, a time when people discovered that freedom from the rule of the English king brought its own drawbacks, this book is a must-read. All praise to Noelle Granger for bringing it to the general reader with such care and skill.
Noelle A. Granger Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK – Blog: Sayling Away – Goodreads:Noelle A. Granger – Twitter: @NAGrangerAuthor
Thanks for dropping in today and it would be great if you could share Noelle’s post..
Those certainly were tough times, Noelle, and you did a tremendous job of making it all work. Congrats on the wonderful review. Thanks for sharing your story.
Sally, thanks for sharing!
Hugs 💕🙂
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Thanks very much Harmony..♥
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Thank you Harmony!
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Reblogged this on lucinda E Clarke and commented:
The real problems and challenges of being a woman in the modern world.
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Thank you, Lucinda. Things are somewhat better now, but there’s still a far piece to go…
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Re-blogged this – great post.
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Thanks very much for sharing Lucinds hugsx
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Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Thanks Michael..hugsx
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Thank you, MIchael.!
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Congratulations on the review, and thanks for sharing this wonderful story, which can really empower to proceed in life. There are many doors in life, and one will always be open. Thanks for sharing, Sally! xx Michael
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Thanks very much Michael.. so true.. sometimes you need to pick the right door.. hugsx
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I’m in awe of you, Noelle, for managing a career and childcare and putting up with such misogyny. I stayed at home until my boys were 12 and 9, and then went back to work. Childcare is expensive here, and at the time I couldn’t afford to pay a childminder.
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Still a problem that faces many women today with childcare costs increasing all the time. Those years however must have been rewarding then and now…xxx
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The years at home were rewarding, but after 12 years I wanted to get back to work. x
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I can imagine… a great start for your children too. xx
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Nobody wanted to look after my eldest son as he was hyperactive. I used to run him around Crystal Palace running track while my toddler sat in the middle and watched, lol. x
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Wow.. sounds like a good solution and you must have been very fit..xx
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At the time, lol. Not so fit now, but can still walk for a couple of hours. x
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Very good going Stevie.. xx
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I spent many an hour in tears, wondering if I’d made the right choice. I still wonder about it, although my kids are doing fine. The time I spend with my grandkids reminds me of what I missed!
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You had to do what was right for you at the time. Kids are very adaptable fortunately.
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A very inspiring post, from Noelle. She is and was a very brave woman, but those like her helped all women to get the changes we see nowadays. No equality yet, but her advice is sound and important. I have a friend in academia right now, and although things are better, her husband is in academia as well and shares in all the tasks, there are still difficult choices and plenty of struggles. Thanks for this fantastic series, Sally.
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Thanks very much Olga and I know in industry things are also not as they seem. Back in 1995 my then boss told me they would be taking on a man when he left the job so not to set my sights on it!!! Thankfully plenty of very good things to remember but those sorts of comments stick with you… ♥
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Thank you so much, Olga, for your kind words. At the time it just seemed like something I had to do – maybe because my mother worked outside the home after my brother and I were in school, and maybe because Mt. Holyoke DID have some effect on my thinking!
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Thank you, Sally, for allowing me to write about something I have long been silent on. The catharsis was good for my soul!
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Thank you for sharing it with us Noelle. As a young manager I would have loved to have had you as my mentor. There were not many options if your couldn’t stand on your own two feet and put the negativity to one side. But I enjoyed my career and achieved a role that enabled me to empower women coming up behind me and that is something rather than the money and status that was important to me. You carved out that with those women who followed you in academia and just think of how much they have accomplised and the good they have done. ♥♥
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So we were both pioneers!
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I didn’t have children Noelle, so I did not face the challenges that you or some of my colleagues faced in striking a balance. I like to think that situation is better now but not for everyone. ♥
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Your courage and strength were outstanding, Noelle. In spite of the difficulties you managed to put all the pieces together, and that is an achievement in and of itself. Bravo! Thanks for sharing this moving story with us. Hugs
Reblogged on Improvisation – “The Art of Living”
https://williampriceking.tumblr.com/
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Thanks very much William and for passing along to Tumblr..hugsx
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William, you are too kind. I think I just had blinders on and forged ahead without thinking too much about it at the time. Later I looked back and wondered how I did it.
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I’m trying to wrap my head around the number of women you have very likely helped along the path behind you—women who are able to stand on your shoulders and continue the work of combatting misogyny and all the other problems facing women both in and out of the work force. Thank you for all you’ve done. That is a wonderful legacy for your children and grandchildren.
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Brilliant point, Amy!
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Thanks Amy and I agree.. paths have to be opened up by those brave enough to encourage others to follow. Noelle certainly qualifies as a pathfinder, xx
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Thank you so much, Amy. My daughter once asked me what I would consider my legacy – I said you, of course, and hopefully the women (students and faculty) I mentored. It’s a load, but I know there are others still in academia carrying on.
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Your kids must be so proud of you. 🙂
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Those were interesting times. I also grew up in the 50’s, probably a few years younger than you. I faced much of what you did on the path to MBA, Mid-level manager, but I don’t regret for a moment where I ended up, where the misogamy pushed me (and a few lawsuits). Do you agree, that you’re now where you should be?
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Thanks for adding your experience Jacqui. I am not sure I would have done as well without the added incentive to show certain colleagues and bosses that I could. xx
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I do, Jacqui, although I am feeling elderly indeed. And I’m glad that you feel as you do! Good going, my friend.
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An excellent post, Noelle! Time for us all to look back and pass on those life lessons we’ve learned along the way. Thanks!
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Thanks Bette ♥
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I didn’t do it alone, Bette. I had three really good mentors myself, something I should have mentioned – and all men!
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You’re so right, Noelle! I had several awesome mentors along the way–terrific men and women role models who encouraged, taught and inspired me over the years in business and teaching careers.
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I loved that picture of you as a happy child hugging your knees! All power to you for sticking with academia when I’m sure others would have caved-in. The behaviour of the dental students was abhorrent and the lack of action against them equally so. Now, that at least would have been punished, but that comment about the salary disparity and that the man needed it for his family – I think there’s still a hint of that no matter how illegal it might be.
Your description of your son in the filing cabinet made me smile and I suspect you’ve survived because of your intelligence, good humour and pragmatic approach to life. You couldn’t ‘have it all’ then. Today, it’s still sometimes the woman who checks school runs, birthdays, shopping and dental appointments even if the man is happy to actually do those things. Sometimes, a man can simply focus on his work while the woman is mentally checking that all’s well. Many men are equal partners in everything and there lies happiness!
Great post, Noelle, and many thanks to Sally for this remarkable series! ♥♥
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Thanks Alex for your lovely comment and so pleased that Noelle shared her story with us, in many respects we have come so far, but we still have work to do with regard to equality..♥
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Thanks for these kind words! I forgot to mention that I did myself have three mentors over the years, all men because there were no women at the top. They were remarkable. And also thanks to my husband who supported me every way he could.
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Another very interesting post and certainly shows how times have moved on, not fully but a bit.
A great account.
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Thanks Sue..xxhugsx
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Hi Noelle I really enjoyed reading this it was shocking and inspiring and you did it all girl despite the odds. I was born, I guess about ten years after you in 53 and had similar problems though I was never an academic or in your league.
I found your letter very inspiring!
I have been to Plymouth Massachusetts, with my sister a lovely place.
I really love the photos of you and your beautiful family 💜💜💜
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Thank you so much, Willow. I appreciate your comments!
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I appreciate your post 💜💜
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Thanks very much Willow… ♥♥
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A pleasure 💜
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I love the analogy of juggling the balls. Long ago, I remember saying to my friend that I could be a good mother and a good wife, but the career was not getting enough attention, or, of course, I could be great at the career and not so much at another of my balls, and for many years I felt driven to try to do them all at my best, which really is not possible. But the message at the time was that we could do it all, and well. The men at the time didn’t worry about their other balls in the air because they weren’t juggling those at all, someone else was!
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🙂 🙂 Great comment! I think those women did us a real disservice by implying we could have it all.
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Oh, I agree!
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It has to cause enormous stress trying to find that balance. Noelle is amazing and loved her post.. ♥
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Sally, I really didn’t mean to, but I forgot to say how lucky I was to have a supportive husband (even if he was a physician and not home much) and three mentors, along the way – all men because there were no women at the top. They were very forward-thinking and supportive. I couldn’t have done it without them, I think.
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Having met your husband Noelle I got that impression immediately and I agree, without the support of my husband I would have probably given up a lot earlier. ♥
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We are all influenced, and we are all influencers. Think of the profound influence your life has had on so many others! ❤
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Thanks Annette ♥
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Thank you, Annette. That’s lovely to hear!
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What an inspiring post. Thank a lot of this has changed but not all of it for women. Great reminder of how things were.
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Thanks Denise..hugsx
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I didn’t work in academia, Noelle, but even in business I learned that my male coworker made more money because, “he had a family and needed the money.” You should have seen my boss’s face when he remembered he was talking to a single mom. He turned around and walked away. I love your toughness and that you figured out how to do it all, but also your wisdom that doing it all isn’t necessarily possible or healthy. There are still a lot of women who are expected to handle jobs, homes, and families, all at the same time. No wonder there’s so much stress! Thanks for sharing and congrats on pulling through and becoming the powerful and talented woman you are today. Hugs.
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Thanks very much Diana still far to much BS in the workplace and it should be remembered that during two world wars women managed very well thank you in the traditional men’s workplace. Each bring some different elements to a job and equal expertise.. ♥
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And things are backsliding in the US. Women are being “put in their place.”
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With a vengeance… it is going to impact who is elected in 2024 I would imagine in quite a significant way. ♥
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I hope we see a reaction to this in Nov 2022 too. Americans are weird though, Sally. I’ve learned that if we can make a bad decision, we will.
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Unfortunately that is a universal condition..♥
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I always hope the rest of the world isn’t quite this crazy.
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♥♥
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Thanks for your compliments, Diana. Not sure I deserve all of them, but I’ll take ’em. That old crap about having a family and deserving more money has luckily disappeared for the most part, but it was hard to take at the time!
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I was pretty furious about it. And you deserve the accolades, Noelle. ❤
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Hi Sally, what interesting timing for this post from Noelle, just a few days after the overturning of Roe v Wade in the USA. I am completely horrified by this decision and believe it is a huge step backwards for women everywhere. I am much younger than Noelle, but I have faced a lot of misogyny and prejudice in my working life. A lot of it has come from men abroad whom I deal with in my role in corporate finance rather than men locally. It takes a lot of energy and broad shoulders to keep facing it down, transaction after transaction so I understand Noelle’s words very well. Her comment that you can’t have it all also resonate with me. You can’t – something has to give, either with your job or with your family, but working women must have some concessions in comparison to their male colleagues if they also have children. Your children always have to come first if you are a mother. That is my view, anyhow. Thanks both for a most interesting post.
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Thanks for adding your thoughts and experiences Robbie and it is atrocious in this day and age that you should still have to put up with the ‘boy’s club’ approach. It is so unprofessional. I know after knowing you for several years that your boys and family are a top priority for you ♥♥
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Hi Sally, I work with men from all over the world, and that is the scariest part. So many of them are very misogynistic in the work place.
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I sometimes wonder who is actually wearing the trousers at home!! It is power play and often compensation for lack of it elsewhere…unacceptable.. ♥
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Thanks for your perspective, Robbie. I am rather detached from the working world now, and it’s important to me to hear what the situation is in the present time. I found that men from Europe and other non-US places were more misogynistic than the men here, so that hasn’t changed. Keep up the good work, since you will be the role model for the next generation!
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Thank you, Noelle.
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What an inspiring post! Noelle, I would like to salute you for sailing through turbulent times with confidence and ignore misogynic comments! Thanks for sharing your experiences… a reminder that women have accomplished much and would continue to stand against the prejudices and control, come what may!
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Thanks Balroop ♥
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Thank you so much for your kind words, Balroop. I’m depending on the next generation now!
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So great to see Noelle here, Sally. She is truly remarkable in her accomplishments, I loved your learning lesson, Noelle.
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I agree John.. hugsx
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Thank you, John. I was remiss in not giving kudos to my husband and also to the three male mentors (there were no women in those days) who helped me along the way. They were essential.
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At least there were some mentors. Good to know.
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Such a powerful piece. I’d love to think things have improved…
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Thanks Geoff and me too.. in some areas I believe but not all..x
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Thanks, Geoff – and they have, definitely.
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I love this, Noelle. You were a warrior of the very best kind! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your advice about keeping the balls in the air. Inspiring! Thank you, Sally!
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Thanks Jan ♥
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Thank you, Jan. I never considered myself a warrior but there were times when I wanted to give someone the broadside of a sword!
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🙂
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Kudos to Noelle. Even though her family seemed all about equality, sadly, the world didn’t. I admire her tenacity. And yes, juggling too many balls, something is going to suffer. Great share! Hugs xx
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Thanks Debby… Noelle paved the way for many who came after.. amazing ♥
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She certainly did ❤
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♥
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Thanks, Debby. Those balls were being tossed about pretty quickly. I had to teach my daughter juggling and she’s now good at it!
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You are an amazing teacher! 🙂
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Hi Noelle, This article was brilliant and quite a shock to look back at those days and think that the discrimination you experienced was widespread. There was still an element of that when I was young at uni. You were very courageous, and made such a difference. Toni x
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Thanks Toni ♥
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Thanks so much, Toni. Looking back, I can hardly believe it myself. Things are much better now – a colleague of mine, whose daughter is on the tenure track at the University of Virginia, took time off the tenure track to have her two children. Wonders or wonders!
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Powerful post, Noelle! You can’t do it all (at least not well) is one of the most honest pieces of advice. There are so many double standards for women in our society. The ones that gall me the most are the stereotypes that women can’t do jobs as well as men (Why exactly haven’t we had a female President yet?) and that in a so-called “progressive society,” women aren’t paid the same as men.
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Well said Pete, xx
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Thanks, Pete. I’ve wondered about that, too. Things have definitely improved but we have a bit to go yet.
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Sounds like you did have it all, Noelle, even if at times it was tiring. I’m a little younger than you but I still remember those days when paying women less and treating us as inferior was the norm, and considered perfectly acceptable!
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Thanks Sharon…xx
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Thank you, Sharon, and yup, it was tiring. Where did I get all that energy? I could use some of it now, At least the environment has improved, although it’s not perfect yet, I’m relying on the next generation.
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Noelle – LOVED your article and the follow-up discussion that came out of your insights. We lived during transformational years, didn’t we? And the work continues…. Your enthusiasm for life, your determination to choose your destiny was inspiring. It isn’t easy to be an outlier, but you embraced this role with grace and optimism.
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Thanks very much Rebecca ♥
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We all appreciate women like Noelle Granger who’s efforts made a better place for women nowadays. My mother was a single, working Mom (before Noelle’s time) in a man’s world. It must have been difficult but she persevered. And I don’t know how she or Noelle did all that they had to do to survive with a family.
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Thanks for sharing your mother’s experience Elizabeth and I agree… they created paths for us to follow..
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I certainly remember the burnout and depression many women faced trying to do it all (because we were told we could), and I still tell young women today that they need to prioritize. Not doing it all doesn’t mean failure. Great advice and reflection.
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Thanks for adding your words of wisdom on this Jennie. Young women today so badly need mentors such as Noelle and yourself to offer them support and encouragement. ♥
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You’re welcome, Sally.
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What a wonderful post, Noelle! I can’t even begin to imagine my students being so obnoxiously rude to me. How horrible! In some ways, things have changed for the better, but in many ways, they haven’t improved much. Women still fight to make as much as men. Women-dominated careers, like teaching, still struggle to make a livable wage in many areas. Although you struggled, it sounds as if you were successful in the end. Thanks for sharing her experiences with us, Sally! 🙂
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Thanks Yvette.♥
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This is a powerful and inspirational post, Noelle. You must work three times as hard as the male students and colleagues to get to where you wanted to be. Against the advice given, you had children before getting tenure and you had tenure in five years, not seven. I love your family photo. I was an administrator in my late 20s when I was in Hong Kong. After getting my education in the US and getting into the state education system, I worked as an elementary school teacher. I tried to climb the administration ladder. I got my Ed.D. and was promoted to a middle management position. Two of my male counterparts had less education and experience but were promoted.
I wanted a family and I’m glad to have a beautiful daughter and two adorable granddaughters.
Thank you so much for sharing, Noelle. Thank you again for this series, Sally!
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Thanks for sharing your experiences Miriam. Hopefully things are improving for women in academia and other senior management roles but unfortunately judging by news stories there is still a long way to go. ♥
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I walked into a bank one day, the manager and assistant manager are male. 90% of the bank tellers are female. Yes, it’s a long way to go yet but we have female who try to have a difference. ❤
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We as writers also have the power to help make those changes by creating characters who stand up for themselves and other women. I have to say that I don’t necessarily agree with the militant approach… I worked in an all male enviroment and many are enlightened with some encouragement and hard work..♥♥
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I’m echoing Sally’s comment: I wish I’d had you as a mentor. I think the fact my mum gave up her nursing career spurred me on to not have all the housewife tasks thrust upon me. Glad I’m about eight years younger than you… I think I had a few more enlightened men to work with. Although my successor in one post came in at director level…
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Thanks for adding your experience Jemima… xx
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