Smorgasbord Laughter is the Best Medicine – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Good Boys and Exam answers part two

Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some funnies from Sally. Thanks to those who share the funnies on the internet.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

 

My thanks to Debby for excellent foraging

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s latest Travel Column:The Bahamas

Now for some fun from Sally….Exam results part two

Apparently real answers to exam questions!!

Literature

As a youth Shakespeare spent a year under Queen Elizabeth.

Q. Who was Juliet’s father.   A. Lord Catapult

Q. Who was Juliet’s mother   A. Lady Copulate

It is mainly Hamlet’s actions that lead people to believe him mad – appearing and frightening Ophelia in her bedroom with his trousers round his ankles.

Cleopatra killed herself by taking aspic and died in her needle.

Anthony and Cleopatra is full of phallic cymbals.

It’s the way you tell ’em

Immigrants often do not bother to learn to speak the English Language let alone wright it.

Grate Britt’n has the best educain cistern in the wold.

If there was no scool rools there would be utercayoss

This is a specticcill not to be mist.

To vote you must be over the age of eighteen and be of fixed mind, meaning that you are not stupid and vote Conservative because it has a nice ring to it.

Q. Briefly describe how to carry out any simple repair – A. To mend a puncha stick a plasta on the in a choobe.

Misconceptions.

Sleeping sickness is brought on by the bite of the sexy fly.
The diver knew he had to act quickly when the octopus wrapped its testacles around him.
Weightlessness can be produced by over-dieting.
Some people have extra-sensual perception.
Pollution is caused by cars giving off intoxicating fumes.
An atheist is someone who puts you to sleep before an operation.

Historical inaccuracies.

Edward II was not fit to be a king. Whenever a tournament was going on he and Piers Gaveston would play dice and other games in the stables.

The King met the Barons at Runnymede for the Great Chatter.

The Black Death was a warning from God and this brought on masochistic activities such as a great wave of flatulence.

Henry wanted his marriage to Catherine of Aragon to be declared dull and void.

Drake said that the Armada could wait but his bowels couldn’t

Peter the Great westernised Russia by building cinemas and music halls.

King Louis didn’t bother that the peasants were starving – he just stayed in the palace and kept holding his balls.

In Italy Gary Baldy and his Gorillas rode to victory.

Source Howlers by William Cooke and illustrated by Mike Gordon Published 1988 Used copies are available on Ebay and Amazon.

 

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face.. Debby and Sally.