Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – April 2023 – Pulling a Wheelie and Helicopter Rides

Author Daniel Kemp has been entertaining us over the last three years with his funnies on his Facebook page and head over to follow Danny Kemp  .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

Drinking Buddies

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The cowboy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains. “It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.”

“It hasn’t affected my brothers though.”

The importance of money

Peggy and her husband Bert like to go to the air show every year. Every year Peggy suggests they go on the helicopter ride but her husband Bert disagrees saying,
“Peggy, it’s £35 each and £35 is £35!”

Anyway, they are there at the latest show and Peggy says, “Bert, I’m 81 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”

Bert replies, “Peggy, that helicopter is £35 and £35 is £35 ”.

The pilot overhears the couple and says, “Excuse me, I’ll make you a deal.” “I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you.” “But, if you say one word, it’s £35 each.”

Bert and Peggy both agree and they go in the helicopter.

The pilot does all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word is heard. He does his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Peggy and says,“Well, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t, I’m impressed!”

Peggy replies, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Bert fell out but, as Bert always says, £35 is £35 pounds!”

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

 

Thank you for dropping in today and I hope it has make a good start to your weekend…thanks Sally.