Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – February 14th – 20th 2021 – Romance, Songs 1960s, Chilled soups, book reviews, videos and funnies


Welcome to the update of posts that you might have missed from the week here on Smorgasbord.

I hope all is well with you. Quiet here except for the noise of the wind howling around the house and the six inch puddle stretching across the front of the house. I know I wished I had a swimming pool but clearly the genie was having an off day.

The garden birds have been having a tough time of it with the winds and driving rain making it difficult to fly, particularly for the small birds such as the sparrows and tits. I usually buy my birdseed and fat balls at the garden centre or at a push smaller packs as the supermarket but of course the centres have been shut since the New Year and the supermarket shelves are bare of both seed and other products. One store has at least got some sunflower hearts and I have mixed that with sultanas and cooked brown rice.. They can at least digest that easily and it has nutrients for them.. The sunflower hearts provide the good fats and protein.

I have taken to put some on the ground as well as on our platform feeder and hanging baskets and hopefully they will get enough nourishment.

They are staying in the thick hedge in our back garden but when I got out (dressed in full wet gear) there is a sudden chorus of song and I can feel hundreds of eyes on me… as soon as the back door closes they are in the feeders and on the ground which is encouraging.

Anyway.. on with the posts from the week and as always my gratitude to William Price King, D.G. Kaye and Carol Taylor for their terrific contributions and to you for visiting, sharing and commenting.. it keeps me motivated..

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1963 – Part One

D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – February 2021 – Online Dating – Staying Safe

Bread, Homemade Peanut Butter and Home Grown Vegetables and Herbs.

St. Valentine’s Day – The Meaning of Romance to Me by Sally Cronin

Charlie the Junkyard Dog

 

 

Barbados and the last letter home 1986. Sally Cronin

#WWI – #Family Saga – The Heart Stone by Judith Barrow

#Children’s – A Beechworth Bakery Bears e-Book (too) by Frank Prem

– Past Book Reviews 2020 -My Name is Danny – #Doglovers – Tales from Danny the Dog assisted by Andrew Joyce.

Butterfly Cinquain – Fate’s Voice by Sally Cronin

Your Own Opinions And Feelings #selfaware by Toni Pike

#Finance – Working with a Financial Planner by Sharon Marchisello

– #Spying – The Story about House Hunting While Being Watched by D.G. Kaye

#Q&A D.G. Kaye, #Valentines Carol Taylor, #Interview as guest of Amy Reade

#Swearing The Story Reading Ape, #Deserts Cindy Knoke, #Speedreading Robbie Cheadle

-#JulesVerne Carol Seidl, #Waves Melanie Stewart, #Medication D.G.Kaye

#Reviews by V.M.Sang, #Cookbook Marian Beaman, #IrishMyths I.E. Kneverday

#Teaching Pete Springer, #Betrayal Abigail Johnston, #Hitching Andrew Joyce

Turning Back the Clock 2021 – Part Six – Anti-Aging and Oxygen

Salads are not just for Summer

New Book on the Shelves – #Fantasy Dead of Winter: Journey 2, Penllyn by Teagan Riordain Geneviene

#Psychological Thriller Lucinda E. Clarke, #Thriller Alex Craigie,

#Thriller Gwen M. Plano, #WIIDrama Marina Osipova, #Paranormal John W. Howell

February 16th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin

February 18th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Vows and Good Deeds

February 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Flying first class and Shakespeare insults

 

Thank you for all your support and I hope you will drop in again next week… enjoy your weekend.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – January 17th – 23rd 2021 – 1960’s music, Online Scammers, Green Kitchens, Book Reviews, Anti-aging and Laughter


Welcome to the round up of posts on Smorgasbord that you might have missed this week.

Despite being a momentous week in many ways around the world,very little has been going on in our neck of the woods as our lockdown continues until February 1st. The children here in Ireland are meant to go back to school on 31st of January but I expect that might change as the numbers are still very concerning. They were over 8000 two weeks ago and still at 2,000 + a day.. for a population of just under 5 million it is not good. Still not sure what is happening with vaccines for our age group yet but no doubt they will filter through eventually.

It is however a cold, frosty but sunny day which cheers things up and I have spent some time in the garden repairing our homemade bird feeder. Designed to limit access by the crows (I don’t mind them having a mouthful but they tend to descend as a mob, scaring off the other birds and eating the lot).. Anyway, the crows spend a great deal of time thwarting my efforts and had removed some of the sticks on the outside of the pyramid by undoing the string holding them… If I didn’t find them so amusing….

I also had to break the ice on the two watering holes.. one is a meter square former seed box which is a favourite with the starlings who dive in and have a bath whatever the weather and sometimes there are up to 15 or 16 carrying out the ablutions with much joy.

There are often four or five in the smaller bath which requires constant fill ups in the summer as they splash around having fun.

Not having a dog at the moment, these and the sparrows, tits and the doves are my babies and they have certainly given us much pleasure during lockdown…

Anyway, I hope your week has been good and thank you for visiting today… also my thanks to William Price King (The Breakfast Show), Debby Gies (first relationship column 2021) and Carol Taylor (brand new column, Carol’s Green Kitchen) for their ongoing contributions and I hope you will pop into their posts to enjoy..

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1961 – Part One

January 2021 – Online Connections–Vetting on the Internet, Email and Social Media for Scammers and Trolls

Carol Taylor’s Green Kitchen – Homemade Bread, Plastic Alternatives, Grated Cheese

#History #Reference – A Bit About Britain’s High Days and Holidays by Mike Biles

#Mystery – Mistaken Identity: Death On The Cable Car ( Braxton Campus Mysteries Book 4) by James J. Cudney

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Poetry and #Prose Mr. Sagittarius by M.J. Mallon

What’s in a Name? – Xenia – Beloved by Sally Cronin

What’s in a Name? – Vanessa – In a Dilemma

What’s in a Name? – Jack – The VIP Visitor

Houston – June 1986 – South Padre Island and Getting Fit.. Sally Cronin

Health and energy and long life all begin with a correct pH balance. The pH balance refers to the acidity or alkalinity of every living organism. The scale for measuring this balance is called Potential for Hydrogen or pH balance and each system or organ has its optimum balance for health.

Turning Back the Clock 2021 -Anti-Aging and the correct pH balance

Recipes that Pack a Punch – Breakfasts/Brunch – Frittata and Tostada

#Teaching Pete Springer, #Review Alison Williams, #Scams Stevie Turner

Cathy Ryan

#BookReviews D.G. Kaye, Jessica Norrie, #Writers Cathy Ryan

Friday 22nd January 2021 – #Review by Jessica Bakkers, #Co-authors by Gwen Plano, #Funnies The Story Reading Ape

New Author on the Shelves – #Dystopian #Science Fiction -The Outlands by Tyler Edwards

– New Releases – #Scifi Richard Dee, #Fantasy Teagan Riordain Geneviene, Review – #Humour Sue Vincent

Thriller Chuck Bowie, Reviews – #Poetry Miriam Hurdle, #Shortstories Allan Hudson

#Contemporary Sian Turner, #Blogging #Authors Anne R. Allen, #History Mike Biles

#Bullying Eloise de Sousa, #Adventure D.L. Finn, #Butterflies Bette A. Stevens

January 19th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Quotes and a letter to friends

January 21st Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin -Wizards and Squirrels

January 22nd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Selfies and Jigsaws

 

Thank you very much for visiting and your support.. it is much appreciated.. I hope you will join me again next week…enjoy your weekend.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – January 2021 – Online Connections–Vetting on the Internet, Email and Social Media for Scammers and Trolls


Online Connections–Vetting on the Internet, Email and Social Media for Scammers and Trolls

Happy New Year and welcome back to a new year of Realms of Relationships. This is my corner at Smorgasbord Blog Magazine where Sally generously, gives me a featured spot here to share some nuggets of experience on various aspects of communication and relationships we encounter and form through life, where I talk about how I analyze and deal with same issues.

In this first post of the year, I thought I’d talk about how to deal with online scammers and emails, and discuss the importance of vetting people who want to connect with us on social media. Relationship and romantic and business connections, and how to search out the predators who lurk, will be part two on this topic for next month’s post.

Much of the world has at least somewhat of a digital existence since the advent of the internet became an appendage part of our lives these past few decades. Internet has become a whole new entity of itself and some who aren’t so internet savvy have to be extra diligent about who they allow into their circles – even more so – into their lives, digitally.

Now, we all know the many pros about living digitally, but do we know how to recognize the cons?

Social media, email and online dating apps can become threatening when allowing or inviting the wrong type of people into our circles. It’s essential we verify who we are speaking with on the other side of the internet before we allow them into our business.
On the pro side, social media and group apps are a good thing to keep us engaged, and a good means to interact with our peers and family. We can Zoom with friends, family, and for meetings, which of course has been a lifeline for many during this Coronavirus time.

We can instant message our friends and family through apps and texts. And we can make connections with like-minded people globally. And of course, there are numerous apps online for dating. But I caution to be diligent on those apps, and I’ll get to that next issue.

On the con side, in order to make healthy and honest connections in this era of trolls and scammers, we should all be doing our due diligence verifying the people we allow in our circles, making sure they are authentic. Before we make new bonds or meet up with people we’ve met on apps, it’s essential that we do a little background checking. Just as it’s equally important to verify the true source of an email before allowing ourselves to be scammed. And these topics are what I’m going to cover here today.

***

Let’s begin with scam emails and how to detect them – what we need to look for when siphoning out a suspicious email. For example, I’ll share about some usual scammy emails I have personally received over time – scam emails from my bank, my government, Amazon, and Paypal and how I deal with them.

In the past few weeks alone, I’ve been inundated with emails from Amazon, informing me that my account is under investigation and has been closed due to suspicious activity, or requires my attention. The messages all ‘conveniently’ offer me a link so I can log in to my account and check what the ensuing problem is. DON’T! Do not click on that link! In fact, when you receive any kind of such emails NEVER EVER click on the supplied link in the email to sign into your account to investigate. NEVER! This is how the hackers get into your account, you are opening the door for them. Their intent with these emails are , they are hoping you do exactly that, open it!

I’m beyond recognizing these scams because they are so frequent. I just auto delete and don’t even bother going over to Amazon to check anything because I know the ruse. But for those of you who get startled and alarmed by such scary information and feel the need to verify, just GO directly to Amazon URL and log in to your account DIRECTLY FROM AMAZON. You are going to the source direct. If there is any problem with your account, Amazon will be only too happy to leave a notification on your account.

How to recognize scam mail –a huge tell of a scammy email is to look directly within the URL address from the sender. Any reputable company sending email will have no extra gobbledygook attached to the sender name. When you receive email from Amazon it will say something like -“Amazon dot com@support or something of its ilk, but it WILL NOT HAVE any other tails attached to the URL, such as random letters and numbers or names – like this: (taken from one of the numerous scam mails in my junk bin)

Mail sent by Assistant Amazon: We found a suspicious transaction on your payments profile Sun, December 20, 2020 [6894-593980-LBXUJ72G]
Customer Service <norpl-SLQOV8GOcWH2xf1HunY8cuEUX5@AlanLinares.onmicrosoft.com>
Sun 2020-12-20 1:25 PM

Here is the message in the body:

“Amazon Customer Protection.”

In this spot is the box they want me to click on

The payment for your latest order is failed. It appears that some of the billing details associated with your account might have expired or were otherwise changed. Please update your account information by Sun, December 20, 2020 to avoid limitation to access.

Also, look at the bottom of the email signature for telltale weird stuff and unprofessional signature. But your two main flashing warnings are a wonky URL from the sender, and a ‘click this link’ offering embedded in the email. No reputable company or institution will EVER leave an embedded log in link within the email. Check out the signature at the end of the above email:

Thank you for making this a priority.
Detail
Amazon.com, Inc
Headquarters : Seattle, Washington, United States
Order Date : Sun, December 20, 2020

That’s it! Anyone can write that signature!

As most of you reading this are familiar with email correspondence from Amazon, their sender address is from plain old Amazon.ca, or in many of your cases – Amazon.com, no names, letters or nonsense attached to sender name.

This same information applies to any email from any company or institution you do business with. Anywhere! Some companies offer a ‘spoofing’ or ‘phishing’ email address you can forward the scam email to so they can find and get rid of yet another scammer. I try to always forward a scam email to these company’s spoof or phishing address so they can be alerted.

Here’s what Amazon suggests:

To report a phishing or spoofed email or webpage:

1. Open a new email and attach the email you suspect is fake. For suspicious webpages, copy and paste the link into the email body.

Note: If you can’t send the email as an attachment, you can forward it.

2. Send the email to stop-spoofing@amazon.com.

Note: Sending the suspicious email as an attachment is the best way for us to track it.

Paypal also requests we send scam emails to them so they can eliminate yet another scammer. This is their advice:

If you believe you’ve received a phishing email, follow these steps right away: Forward the entire email to spoof@paypal.com. Do not alter the subject line or forward the message as an attachment.

Similarly, most institutions have a number or email you can forward scam emails too. I always do. If we all did, we could eliminate many of these thieves.

All the same information applies to scam banking or government emails. If the URL is wonky and there is a link offered in the email to log in to your account to rectify DO NOT! Always go directly to the website of your account and log in safely. Then do your fellow man a favor and report the scam to the appropriate authorities. In my case, when I received an email from our Canada Revenue Taxation branch urging me to login because they had found money for me, I Googled up the appropriate source to inform of the scam and wound up calling the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) Fraud Squad to report it and they thanked me for doing so.

If the government has money for me, I’m already linked with auto deposit from them, and they know my address. Trust me, the government doesn’t take the time to send you a ‘hello’ email, ‘we’re sending you money.’ It’s auto deposited. And if they don’t deposit what’s expected, they’ll forward a letter by mail explaining so.

I use the exact same protocol for scam bank emails alerting me to ‘a problem with my account and because of it, my account has been frozen until rectified.’ These brazen types of scams even come by text on my mobile phone. I find them hilarious considering my bank doesn’t even have my cell phone number. Delete! Delete!

Now, let’s talk about social media apps. Facebook is notorious for its trolls and lonely hearts wanderers. Besides the disinformation and lies Facebook allows on its platform, it also has many trolls instigating and desecrating truth, but many others are stalking some and trying to form romantic relationships. How do I know this? Because I run a few groups on Facebook, including a political one. And I get numerous requests in my notifications from weirdos trying to hit on me! Firstly, I don’t EVER engage with trolls. When I receive rude or ignorant political comments, I click on the commenter’s name, which takes me to their page and I block them. If I deem them threatening, while on their page, I both, block, and report them. If they try any crap in any of my groups I run, I just report and then boot them.

Now, about making friendships and alliances online, that entails a deeper kind of investigating.

Let’s go back to Facebook as an example – I frequently get notifications that ‘so and so’ would like to be my friend. And this is where it’s important to do some checking. Here are some things to ask yourself before adding that ‘new’ friend:

  • Do I know this person?
  • How do I know this person?
  • Do I want them privy to the posts I make on my personal page?

As an author on Facebook I have two pages, a personal page and an author page. I use my author page to share blog posts, writing posts, books, and memes relating to all the things I advocate for and relate to the books and stories I write. On my personal page I post memes about things I believe in, injustices, current events, humor, personal updates, and memes that speak a message, or even things about my sentiments on issues. That’s why it’s called my ‘personal’ page. If you aren’t in line with my posts, then you shouldn’t friend me. And that isn’t just for trolls who will never be invited, but for all friend requests. This is why 99% of my personal posts are set to be viewed by ‘friends’ only. I’m not looking to make waves with others who don’t approve or make judgments, and if I don’t feel you may be able to handle the things I post, I decline invitations.

So how do I vet these requests? I never just accept them, unless I know them. I visit the page of the person who requested the friendship and take a look at what types of things they like to post. I also read their ‘about’ blurb to see what I can learn about them or their opinions. If they are within the realms of my criteria, I’ll accept. If I feel otherwise, I decline. If I feel real curious about that person, I’ll continue on my investigation looking through various other social media accounts of that person.

There’s an old saying, an actual quote by Maya Angelou – “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” We have much to learn from the posts and articles people share. It’s up to us to do our digital search to vet the people we allow into our circles for various reasons:

  • We don’t need a public clashing of personality or beliefs and rude comments left on our posts
  • We should know something about someone before we want to attach our names to their circles. Online reputation is of utmost importance to keep clean, especially if we conduct our business online.
  • Allowing anyone to be our friend on Facebook, allows them to post and comment on our timeline. We don’t want to have to worry about unsavory comments left on our pages.

I hope this article has helped to enlighten you about just a few of the scams going on around cyberworld, and hope I’ve made it clear to NEVER log in to any account directly through an email. Do your diligence on social media apps so you don’t get caught in the web of trolls.

Next month, I’m going to get into Online Dating Apps and what to beware of, how to make a presentable profile and how to vet potential romantic interests.

If you’d like to share any of your own experience with a scam or a troll, let’s discuss!

©DGKaye 2021

 My thanks to Debby for clarifying what can be a minefield when we are active online alongside the scammers.

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Words We Carry

Words We Carry’ is a gem. Kaye writes with a depth of wisdom and understanding and the whole book is relatable because of her insights. She paints a roadmap to show how early memories, others’ opinions and the events throughout our lives create the words about ourselves we carry around. She clearly demonstrates how these shape our thoughts, words and actions and how self-awareness can help us to change the words that do not serve us. ‘Thank you’ dear Kaye, for writing this book.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK –  follow Debby: Goodreads – : Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – Twitter: @pokercubsterLinkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

 

Thank you for joining us today and Debby would love to hear from you.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – 6th – 12th December 2020 – New Book, International Carols, Foods XYZ and a Christmas Party with pets.


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

What’s coming up in the next two weeks.

I cannot believe that it is the Winter Solstice and the shortest day in 9 days time. On the one hand there is a sense of relief that this year is nearly over… and a wary expectation that 2021 is going to be better.

Whilst I could sit and philosophise all day long… there are things to be done to make sure this year ends with a few projects completed so I can move on fresh in the New Year.

In the last week I scheduled all the Christmas Book Fairs so they would be finished in time for Christmas and they will go out daily until the 23rd of December. I have also scheduled an updated version of The Twelve Days of Christmas from the 14th December and the Christmas party this weekend and next.. and a few surprises along the way.

I have a few spaces left for reblogs and some book reviews I intend to post in time for readers to buy the books but the rest of the time I will be working on the blog and Cafe and Bookstore revamp, and the new columns going out in 2021.

William Price King will be here co-presenting The Breakfast Show every Tuesday, with hits from 1960 to 1985, special dates of note during the years we feature and a guest or two along the way.

D.G. Kaye will be continuing with her popular Relationship Column and keeping us motivated to improve our interactions with others.

Carol Taylor will be joining us every four weeks with a new column looking at how we can source, prepare, cook and recycle food in a sustainable way to help the environment.

For me personally it is a great week as my latest short story collection went live yesterday and you can find out more about it in my promotion post earlier today.

 

#Shortstories – Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries: Sometimes Bitter, Sometimes Sweet by Sally Cronin

The first of the Christmas Parties has gone out this morning and there is one tomorrow and two next weekend.

Guess who owns which pets… answers in the post

Invite a pet with guests – Ann Patras, Jemima Pett, John Howell, Jo Elizabeth Pinto and Darlene Foster

Aretha Franklin The 1970s

Carols from around the World – #Germany, #Greece and #France

-December 2020 – Say it with Greeting Cards – Treading Carefully with Words

– A – Z of Food -X,Y,Z for Xawaash Spice, Yams and Zabaglione.

Italian Spritz Cocktail made with Aperol

SPRITZ: the most popular Italian cocktail

Past Book Reviews 2019 – Vikings: Taken (The Great Heathen Army series Book 1 by Ceri Bladen

#Romance – Perfectly Imperfect by Jacquie Biggar

February 1986 – Birthday party and new car by Sally Cronin

#Cats Pamela S. Wight, #Bears Sue Wickstead, #Chocolate Robbie and Michael Cheadle,#Travel Darlene Foster #Horses Deanie Humphrys-Dunne

#Wizard Kevin Cooper, #Farm D.L. Finn, #Ghosts Emily-Jane Hills Orford

#PoetryCollections – Geoff Le Pard, Denise O’Hagan, Balroop Singh

Thriller Gwen M. Plano, Reviews -#Memoir Liesbet Collaert, #Poetry Frank Prem, #Shortstories Janice Spina

#ScienceFiction A.C. Flory, #Crime Jane Risdon, #Life Sally Cronin, #Fairies Colleen M. Chesebro

Fantasy Jean Lee, Reviews #Metaphysical Sue Vincent and Stuart France, #Fantasy D.Wallace Peach, #Contemporary Sian Turner

New Book #Memoir Patty Fletcher, Reviews #Historical Amy M. Reade, #Afghanistan Mary Smith, #Memoir Pete Springer

Christmas Archives – #ShortStory – The Snow Globe by D. Wallace Peach

Making a Gingerbread Chapel by Robbie and Michael Cheadle

#Christmas Holiday Wishes – My Christmas Wish by D.G. Kaye

Christmas Laughter Lines – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – December 8th 2020

Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – December 10th 2020 -Quarantine Coffee and Wishes

December 11th 2020 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Tier 2 and Decorations.

 

Thank you very much for dropping in today and for all your support. Enjoy the rest of the weekend and I hope you will join me again next week.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships -December 2020 – Say it with Greeting Cards – Treading Carefully with Words


Say it with Greeting Cards – Treading Carefully with Words

Welcome back to my Realms of Relationships Column. In last month’s article, I hinted that my next post would be on the topic of ‘No Contact’, but I’ve rescheduled that one for later as I was inspired while visiting a forum about a topic that’s a bit more seasonally related – buying greeting cards for difficult people..

The inspiration for this post stemmed from an interesting conversation I struck up in comments after reading the article. Someone was sharing about anxiety issues she had when having to buy a greeting card for her narcissistic mother. Her comment struck a note of familiarity. I got involved in the conversation with comment and was then posed an interesting question – asking me if I’d ever encountered issues when having to buy a birthday card for my mother. The writer was taking a survey of those that encountered same difficulties as she did. And did I ever!

The incident sparked some memories about my issues, the difficulties I encountered when purchasing greeting cards for my mother, and many of you here already know my issues about growing up with a narcissistic mother, you can imagine the difficulties I had choosing the appropriate card for her for any occasion. It was a sensitive task. But hopefully, many of you here didn’t have to deal with such an experience, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have people on your card list that you too may find it an uncomfortable task when having to choose the right card for. We want to evoke our good wishes for them, but also don’t wish to convey anything overly mushy.

Such a poignant question took me back to those years of standing in front of the card section, reading card after card, looking for just the right words—words that could evoke a cheery greeting without the mushy sentiment, yet, not sounding as though there was no sentiment. Tricky one this is.

I spent much of my life trying to dodge my mother, and at the same time tried desperately not to hurt her feelings, so choosing greetings cards for her for any occasion became an uncomfortable time for me. This was a task that churned away at my insides as my empathic side always seemed to feel sorry for her despite my desire to stay away from her. And so, for the purpose of this post, I’ll use my mother as an example of what to look for in a card. Feel free to insert the name of anyone in your life you struggle with buying a card for, with my examples.

Looking for a positive message to honor the occasion without flouting the tender words is a sensitive operation. I won’t lie, even in a greeting card. The worst anxiety of card shopping for my mother came when choosing Mother’s Day cards. You may wonder why I bothered at all, considering the anxiety it gave me choosing a card while trying to envision how it would be received by my mother. But I’d given her cards since I was a small child, and she came to expect them. I felt if I didn’t continue, I’d be worse off by both, making my mother feel bad and excluded, and I’d also be harshly reprimanded for being so inconsiderate. Mother desperately wanted to be adored, and I never wanted to hurt her, but I also would not indulge her with the flowery prose and ‘love’ words she’d expected, so I had to choose my words carefully.

The anxiety began building weeks before an occasion. What card could I buy her that would make her happy and keep me out of the doghouse?

Picking out the ‘perfect’ greeting card, because she expected it, was essential, but finding one that conveyed a warm message with no mushy sentiments became a delicate mission. If there isn’t acknowledgement of love for mother in a card, sarcasm would ensue. It became a life-long struggle to appease to avoid conflict.

Choosing a greeting card as the child of narcissist can create great anxiety, especially for those like me who found it uncomfortable talking about feelings until I was well into my twenties.

There had to be a delicate balance between pleasing the narc parent to maintain sanity and not getting caught in the guilty web. An unnurtured relationship between mothers and daughters leaves a void of unfulfilment for the child. And so naturally, if I never felt the confidence to share my thoughts, dreams, fears, or aspirations with my mother, surely, I wasn’t about to express them in a greeting card.

Now imagine you aren’t comfortable discussing feelings with certain family members, and how uncomfortable it can be to have to buy a greeting card for them. So, here are some tips I use to help ease the process:

  • Work around the words. How many Mother’s Day cards are filled with ‘Thanks for being a great Mom’, ‘I love you Mom’, ‘A mother’s love is …’, you get the picture. A trip to the card store had me feeling anxious and had me spending too much time reading all the cards in search for appropriate words – Happy Mother’s Day, Happy Birthday Mother, Wishing you a beautiful day Mother – those were the type of cards I searched for, a warm greeting, acknowledgment of title (Mom) – short and sweet.
  • Thankfully, there are oodles of choices for greeting cards. If you don’t wish to reveal too much about what or how you’re feeling about someone you feel obligated to send a card to, first figure out how you wish to approach the hunt. Stay away from the heavy-duty sentimental cards. Think about giving a humorous card that will take the sentiment in a different direction to diffuse the ‘feeling’ cards and take the edge off the discomfort.
  • Find a card that acknowledges the person but doesn’t embellish on the sentimentality, eg: ‘Happy Birthday wishes to brighten your day Mother’ is a safer generic choice than ‘Happy Birthday to a loving mother’, you get the drift. This way you can convey good cheer without the mush.
  • If you’re crafty and/or artistic, you may opt to make your own cards. The sentiment is that you created it especially for that person, and you can choose your own words.

I’m sure everyone has someone in their lives they’ve felt a bit awkward about giving a greeting card to. There is no need to hurt someone’s feelings just because we may not be feeling the love. And there is no need to give a card that implies sentiments we don’t feel, because that just makes us feel awkward around that person. We must figure out what we want to convey in the message and choose the vessel and appropriate theme we wish to deliver the message in, and keep the sentiment light, but real. If humor makes us feel more comfortable, then go for the funny.

Also, if it’s a close family member you’re trying to dodge using endearing words for, do remember to still include a proper salutation in the card. For example: if it’s a Birthday card and you don’t wish to appear as stone cold with a generic card – ‘Birthday wishes’, make sure it’s still a card addressed to ‘Happy Birthday Mother’, ‘For your birthday Mother’, ‘Just for you Mother’, then read the inside words carefully to make sure the message is in line with your sincere wishes without including words that don’t apply to your sentiments or ones that magnify your feelings. Now you can feel good about presenting a card to a relative without the worry of slighting them and still acknowledging them without the fluffy prose.

Have any of you encountered the uncomfortable task of having to buy a card for a loved one that gave you trouble searching for the appropriate words?

©DGKaye 2020

My thanks to Debby for sharing what can be a tricky situation to be in when it should be a joyous occasion buying a card for someone close.  I know that she would love your feedback…

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Conflicted Hearts

Conflicted Hearts is a compilation of personal essays from D.G. Kaye’s emotional experiences of growing up with her unloving and narcissistic mother. The author struggles with her obligation as a daughter, but also her responsibility to care for herself regarding her own healthy well-being. In each chapter as she opens yet another window giving us a glimpse into her extremely trying times, the emotions become palpable. Because I am a mother of two adult children whom I love to the moon and back, I often felt tears forming and my heart being tugged at in different directions. How a mother can abandon her own children is something I find difficult to understand. The author writes with emotion, vulnerability, and humor. She is not afraid to admit mistakes, but she will also gladly glow in triumph – moments when I felt like clapping, thrilled with the outcome and thrilled for her!

Unfortunately, she lost her childhood because of her mother’s constant absence in the household. Her mother would rather be out partying, seeking the attention of men by using her luminescent beauty, and by doting on her passion for gambling. With the author being the oldest of her siblings, she naturally slid into the role of “mother” which in turn, shaped her decision of possibly not wanting to have children in the future. Her parent’s relationship ran extremely hot and cold, but mostly hot when her mother kicked her father out repeatedly. She adored her father, so each time he left, fear crept into her very soul that she’d never see him again.

The author writes with honesty and when she finds herself acknowledging enlightening realizations, she revels in her own personal growth. I read Conflicted Hearts not only as a memoir, but also as a compelling self-help book. And a difficult decision lies in waiting with each turn of the page exemplifying the author’s incredible courage and strength. I am sure her struggles are felt by others so that her personal growth benefits those who live each day in similar circumstances.

This is the first book of D.G. Kaye’s that I’ve read and because her writing is natural, conversational, and engaging, I am excited to read more from her. This book definitely falls into the “can’t put down” category. If you enjoy reading memoirs and self-help books, I highly recommend Conflicted Hearts. You’ll find yourself on an emotional and inspirational wild ride that will both touch and tug at your heart. An excellent read!

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK –  follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies: Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – Twitter: @pokercubsterLinkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

 

Thank you for joining us today and Debby would love to hear from you.. thanks Sally.

Whatever else 2020 has been, it has not been short on Friendship and Community – by Sally Cronin


The original concept of Thanksgiving was one of giving thanks for a new life, new home and new friends and that tradition is celebrated around the world in one form or another by different cultures on various days throughout the year.

Although in Ireland we don’t formerly celebrate Thanksgiving we certainly are not going to miss an opportunity to have a bit of a party.. even if it is virtual.

Today the world is so much smaller as the Internet has enabled us to find friendship, love and common ground in virtually every country that has electricity. But however global our outlook, it is always great to reflect on the people in our lives and those basic needs for our well-being such as a roof over our heads and food on our table.

There are so many who still do not have these simple but essential requirements and that makes me very thankful indeed for the fact that I do.

I do know that it is the people in my life who I am the most grateful for. Sadly some are now gone, but their spirits remain a part of our family, and they are kept alive by the memories that we cherish as their legacy.

The Internet – Something to be thankful for.

I thought about how we would have coped, facing the same situation twenty years ago, when the Internet that we take so much for granted was in it infancy for the general public. In fact whilst we might think they have been around for decades, even Facebook, one of the communication super connector around the world, only hit the Internet in 2004, Twitter in 2007, WhatsApp 2009 and Zoom 2013.

Despite the fact that I think the new interfaces for the three main social media sites I use, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn have been designed by a disgruntled programmer from Disney, I do believe this last nine months during Covid-19 2020 would have been even more devastating without them.

There has been an incredible sense of community with people reaching out to offer comfort, to share celebrations, offer to support or help, and to simple reach out and touch another human being even if it involves a virtual hug.

Today at least we can keep in touch by phone, chat online, video call to family and friends on Skype and Zoom, and that face to face contact has been more than a way to keep in touch. For patients in hospital, the donations from charities of iPads has enabled them to have vital visual contact with loved ones. Being in hospital seriously ill is very tough, but without that personal element of the love of people close to us, it can mean the difference between fighting the disease and giving up.

If this pandemic had hit us 20 years ago there would have been no online banking or shopping for groceries and other essentials. Although many business sectors have been devastated, those who have offered services online had not only survived but thrived, particularly the grocery trade.For millions who have been quarantined, or cocooned as they say over here, without that access via the Internet to food deliveries it would have been even more frightening.

For us as a family, there have been cancellations of milestone celebrations, restrictions on travel to visit across borders, and the uncertainty of what next year will bring. But we are all still here and having the Internet has allowed us to stay safe.

Obviously there are two of us in our particular bubble, and that is something to be very thankful for. After forty years we know each other well, share the same sense of humour, love of movies and music, and we have worked together from home for the last 18 years which helps. I am very thankful that I have not had to face this alone as so many have. I am also very grateful that my older sisters live close to each other and have a bubble of two are well and  I can chat to them on Skype each week to keep up to date.

For me personally the blog and books has kept me sane and engaged. My focus wavered in the first couple of months, but being able to chat to friends around the world at any time of day has been amazing. Having contributors bringing their expertise to the blog has been amazing over the years, and this year is no exception.

An amazing group of people that I am very thankful for.

William Price King – American Jazz singer, musician and composer has been writing the Music Column for the last six years. Informative and entertaining the series about singers, composers and musicians in the last 100 years has given us all a greater appreciation of music.And next year look out for The Breakfast Show every Tuesday hosted by the two of us.

 Carol Taylor lives in Thailand where she ran a successful catering business and now continues to pass on her knowledge via her blog. She has written the amazing Food and Cookery Column for the last three years. Our repertoire of recipes and knowledge about culinary terms has expanded along with our waistlines. If you click on Carol’s name it will take you to her blog where you will find more food, conservation, whimsy and music.

 

D.G. Kaye – Debby Gies – Non-fiction and memoir author who loves to pack her suitcase and take off to warmer climes and wrote the Travel Column for two years before sharing her wise words on relationships in 2020. You will find book reviews, writing tips and frank discussion on Debby’s blog and always a warm welcome.

Silvia Todesco Our resident Italian cookery expert who has brought us wonderful Mediterranean recipes each month since 2018. If you pop into her blog, you may have a problem leaving as there are so many mouth watering recipes.. enjoy.

And I am very thankful for you.

I am also extremely thankful for your amazing support over the last seven years, but this year in particular, when finding positive comments each morning kept me motivated and determined to keep blogging as usual.

I am sure that I might have left someone off this globe but I hope that you will forgive me if your name is not there. A huge thank you for all the support.

 

Enjoy your celebrations, even it if does mean a virtual Thanksgiving Dinner over Zoom or a video call to parents and grandparents. Stay safe and hopefully next year things will be different for us all. With love and hugs Sally

 

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine Weekly Round Up -8th -14th November 2020 – 40th Celebrations, Brad Mehldau, Relationships, Vichyssoise, Aromatherapy, Reviews and Funnies


Welcome to the round up of posts that you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

I hope you are staying safe wherever you are. Hurricanes, Covid, Civil Unrest and Political upheavals have been the focus of the headlines this week and in the global scope of events, the celebration of our 40th Wedding Anniversary tomorrow pales into insignificance.

However, for us it is an important milestone, and despite best laid plans of a wonderful villa and pool in Malta with my two sisters, and a weekend away when that was cancelled, we are going to celebrate in style at home with just the two of us.  Which is okay, in fact more than okay.

On our trip to Ireland to meet David’s Family November 1st 1980

A few days before the wedding

Our whirlwind romance

  • September 16th 1980 David arrived as a guest at the hotel I was assistant manager of in Mid-Wales. I did arrange some meeting rooms for him but other than that he was Mr. Cronin until the night of his departure 27th September when he booked himself in for an extra night and asked if I would like to go out to lunch the next day.
  • On September 28th he took me out on my day off and we walked on Harlech Beach and then ate Chinese takeaway on the floor of my small living room as I didn’t have a table.
  • The next day September 29th he was returning to Liverpool and he arrived at my flat at 9.00 to say goodbye, or so I thought, but he proposed instead.
  • On October the 2nd when the hotel shut for the season David came back down from Liverpool and drove me to Portsmouth so he could meet my parents.
  • On October 5th we moved into a holiday flat in Dolgellau.
  • November 1st we caught the ferry from Liverpool to Dublin to meet his family with gale force winds and 12 metre waves.
  • On November 15th we married in Dolgellau registry office with both sets of parents and my best friend Joan Nicholson. With pouring rain and gale force winds.

Here are some of the surviving photographs from the day, most taken by my father-in-law Geoff Cronin which is why he is not in them…

These new fangled cameras…..

The weather here is gale force winds and driving rain, as it was forty years ago which is fitting!. As both our parents and my friend Joan have passed away, it is up to us to celebrate what was an amazing day, just the two of us which is perfect. We have already made a start with cards and roses, and the fridge is stocked, a couple of bottles of Champagne are chilling, and we have created a menu of all our favourite foods, many from the places we have lived and worked around the world.

We are very lucky.

Anyway.. on with the posts from the week and as always a huge thank you to William Price King, D.G. Kaye, Carol Taylor, Silvia Todesco and Robbie Cheadle for their amazing contributions this week.

Next week the Christmas Book Fairs begin for both the main Cafe and Bookstore and the Children’s Cafe. I will be including every author on the shelves so I need to get started to make sure I feature everyone. I hope it will give you some ideas for gifts for all the family.

William Price King with Grammy Award winning jazz pianist Brad Mehldau

November 2020 – People Pleasers. Do you know one? Are you one?

‘V’ for Vacherin, Vanilla, Veal, Vegetable Spaghetti and Vichyssoise

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#Italian Cookery with Silvia Todesco – Beef, ham, and lava cheese roll (involtini)

Houston – January 1986 – Birthdays and Plans

Guest Writer – Robbie Cheadle – Inca child sacrifices and the origin of my short story

Milestones Along the Way – #Ireland #Waterford 1950s – Achill Island and Keem Bay Shark by Geoff Cronin

David – In Remembrance by Sally Cronin

Posts from my Archives – Guest Interviews – Open House 2018 with Author Joy Lennick

#Murder #Mystery – Secrets of the Galapagos by Sharon Marchisello

Past Book Reviews 2019 – #Shortstories More Glimpses by Hugh W. Roberts

Past Book Reviews – 2019 – Understanding: An Anthology of True and Significant Life Events-compiled by Stevie Turner

Past Book Reviews -2018 – Devil in the Wind: Voices from the 2009 Black Saturday Bushfires by Frank Prem

Share your Children’s book reviews – Jemima Pett reviews Casey Grimes: The Mostly Invisible Boy by AJ Vanderhorst

#Release #Bears Sue Wickstead, #Reviews #Horses Deanie Humphrys-Dunne

New Author on the Shelves – #Contemporary – Sweet Erin by Sian Turner

-New Book – #Meditation Sue Vincent, Reviews – #Poetry Balroop Singh, #Suspense Stevie Turner

#Reviews – #Crime Sue Coletta, #Pilgrims Noelle Granger, #Collie Sally Cronin

#Fantasy Fiona Tarr, New Books #Design Valentina Cirasola, #Shortstories Leon Stevens

#Frankincense – Immune, reproductive systems, Anti-aging, Antiseptic

November 10th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Shopping wear and Butlers

November 12th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Plastic bags and one liners

Image may contain: text that says "Might as well stay and have one more. Wife is going to tobite bite my head off anyway."

November 13th 2020 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp

 

Thank you so much for dropping by and I hope you have an amazing weekend… I know we will.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships -November 2020 – People Pleasers. Do you know one? Are you one?


Realms of Relationships: People Pleasers. Do you know one? Are you one?

People Pleasers are those who live perpetually by appeasing others—despite whether they’re happy doing so. And sadly, for some, the practice often becomes a programmable setting after so much time passes. People pleasing goes beyond the act of being kind, it means one who always puts the wants and needs of someone ahead of their own even when there’s no joy in it.

Let’s clarify. I’m not talking about something we may do with joy in our hearts for a loved one.

I’m referring to those who’ve somehow made themselves feel obligated to the point they’re taken for granted. So where do we draw the line with our urge to please others, to stop it from becoming a damaging regular occurrence to the point we become a doormat? And what is it that makes us so afraid to disappoint to the point we can’t say no? Mostly, these urges to be so accommodating have a lot to do with acceptance issues, low self-esteem, loneliness, and the possibilities are endless, because we worry we’ll be judged or unloved, unliked, ignored—you get the picture.

Let’s stop pretending, where does it get us? It gets us in a place we aren’t happy being, and it’s being inauthentic to ourselves. If we constantly agree to people’s whims and demands, putting others before our own needs, we need to learn how to draw a line for self-preservation.

Why do some of us feel compelled to bite our tongues while trying to avoid saying how we really feel about someone who takes advantage of our good nature? Why do some of us repeatedly get sucked into people’s drama, leaving us with a constant need to appease?

Think about it, if we aren’t comfortable around someone or have to walk on eggshells when in their presence, WHY ARE WE THERE?

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How much courage do we need before we’re propelled to remove ourselves from situations that aren’t healthy or enriching, or maybe not even interesting to us? Okay, sure, there are just some things in life we must endure even if we don’t enjoy doing them, like having to go to the dentist or any other matter we must attend to, but that is a different conversation. I’m talking about repeatedly subjecting ourselves to things or people we don’t wish to serve, or going to places we don’t want to be, because it’s not productive for us or the other party when we do things without putting our hearts into them. Feigning interest isn’t fun and will eventually take its toll whether that be in the form of depression, anxiety, unease, boredom, and that’s not even counting our loss of happiness time.

But one thing is certain in life, we have free will. So why do we stay somewhere we’re uncomfortable staying, or go somewhere we don’t want to go, or do things for people who impose on us? We allow ego to take over our heart’s desire.

It’s one thing to feign we’re having fun when we’re not, but going somewhere we don’t want to be just to show good faith, respect, or whatever the endgame may be for going, is essentially accommodating someone else’s needs and inconveniencing ourselves. We need time to take a pause and assess.

There are many forms of people pleasing, from accommodating favors, taking directives, doing someone else’s job for them, doing someone else’s homework out of threat or obligation—to name a few. Even the event of eating can be something people do to please, especially when it entails having company for dinner or having dinner at someone else’s house as a social obligation. . .

Example true story – Eating to please:

In the first 10 years of our marriage, hub and I led a very social life. We hosted many parties. We were ‘the backyard’ other neighbors dropped over to. We had many friends who were ‘our’ friends, and of course there were old friendships we both brought into our marriage.

We held many dinner parties and went to many in return. That’s the key phrase—in return. Most were fun, and some became obligatory. Having two-couple intimate dinner parties with people we may not have typically chosen to be friends with can be sticky. I’ve had the people pleaser syndrome for much of my life, and I’m still working on eliminating it, as it is an ongoing process, but at least I’m aware, and working on it.

Sadly, I used to allow my stubbornness to keep pushing or trying to make things work when I knew better. But after some time, doing what I did and keeping up appearances, after two years of every two or three months of exchanging dinners at our homes with this one couple in reciprocation, was growing stale with me. The conversation was unstimulating (so was the food), and I had nothing in common with that couple, other than the husband was an old friend of my hub’s from a different era in my hub’s life, but they were not necessarily the people I’d have chosen myself for intimate dinner friends. And so I finally told hub it’s a no-can-do anymore.

Why did I endure a dozen dinners before finally saying no more? Did I think the next time would be better? Was it because it was the right thing to do or because I wanted to respect my husband’s friendships? Yes, to all.

Of course, I respect all my husband’s friendships, but guess what? That doesn’t mean I have to like all his friends enough to spend personal hours of my time with them. Yes, it’s nice to appease sometimes, but it shouldn’t become a habit, nor an obligation if it doesn’t fulfill us or pleasure us. A favor once or twice is one thing; but making it a habit is another.

I am finely tuned into my intuition, but I wasn’t always, and I still kick myself when I know, yet doubt myself anyway. I was a pleaser all my life. I always tried to ‘do the right thing’. I did it as a child and I did it way past the time when I knew it was time to stop, it was an ongoing habit. I couldn’t abandon my mother’s requests because she was my mother, I felt indebted. For years I never thought otherwise than it was my duty, those are the cards—and mother I was dealt, so I felt obligated as a daughter to do what was expected of me. That was the phrase I’d drilled into myself as a child unhappy having to do things I didn’t feel I should have had to be doing. Until I couldn’t anymore, many decades later. Eventually our tolerances will wear thin if we are perpetually doing things and going to places we have no enthusiasm for. So, for those (like myself) who sometimes fall into this pit, do a check, and see if you have fallen into this trap.

Checklist to see if you’re a people pleaser:

• You struggle with using the word no
• You find it difficult to speak up for yourself
• You have an ongoing concern with how people will receive you if you reject their demands
• You are too accommodating
• You’ll suffer giving something up in order to make someone else happy
• You have a low self-esteem
• You easily come dependent on other people’s acceptance of you
• You are constantly seeking approval
• You have a dire need for acceptance
• You do things others would expect of you despite not wanting to do them
• You worry that others are always judging you
• You are deeply affected by criticism
• You’re always willing to do a favor for someone, despite the need to accomplish something for yourself in that time
• You are blind to the motives behind others when they are abusing you

Break the Pattern and Recognize the Signs:

If you already have self- esteem issues, you may be one who gets trapped into aiding wrong people because you crave the attention from them. Some pleasers need to boost their self-worth by seeking approval from others. It’s a false sense of feeling when we think people care about us because we’re useful to them. Is this fulfilling? No, this is not a substitute for genuine concern. People pleasers often spend a lot of time worrying about rejection. This makes them feel that by keeping others happy, they’ll be appreciated. Some people thrive on the act of being needed.

For people who have a hard time saying no, beware you aren’t being taken advantage of.

Are you an apologizer and always ready to take the blame to avoid confrontation? Are you quick to agree just to keep the peace?

Remember Self-Care:

When is the last time you did something for yourself? If you are spending all your time doing things for others without remembering self- care, you’re a people pleaser. It’s time to make some time for yourselves. When you ignore your own needs because you’re always putting yourself ahead of others, you’ve become a people pleaser.

Beware the predators – The people who take advantage of you. You want to keep people happy, but you must beware of those who seek naïve, weak, underdog, good-natured people who use others for favors. Some victims also get sucked into giving money. Children also know how far they can push their parents with demands. Anyone who demands your services, leaving you feeling like you’re a convenience, they’re potential opportunists who can ensnare us into pleasers.

Your relationships don’t satisfy you – When we are busy being obedient to others and not deriving pleasure from it, that doesn’t make a relationship satisfying. Feeling compelled to please others all the time can become stressful to maintain, thus creating potential health problems too—worry, working longer hours, maybe less sleep to manage getting all obligations done, to name a few.

So why do we continue to people please, sometimes beyond the point we’re even aware what we’re doing? There isn’t one simple answer or reason. Like habits and patterns, this condition can manifest for various reasons: past trauma, habitually pleasing as a method of maintaining an unhealthy relationship, neediness, fear of rejection, self-esteem issues, fear of loneliness, even damage lingering from past events where there were consequences for not fulfilling wishes, can all be triggers.

How to break the cycle

• Be aware of your behavior
• Pay attention to same people demanding of your time for favors
• Don’t over-compensate with kindness. Kindness should come naturally, and leave us with a good feeling we’ve done something good for someone, not with feelings of servitude.
• Favors should be given freely with an open heart from the giver, and not out of obligation
• Start putting yourself first before others
• Set boundaries
• Practice waiting until you’re asked as opposed to always volunteering.
• Seek help in therapy if you feel out of control with your compulsions. Learn how to cope with overwhelming guilty patterns by learning both coping and overcoming strategies

People pleasing is exactly how it sounds—spending our personal time pleasing other people. Like I said earlier, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to help someone out by doing them a favor. And there’s a difference between an unwanted obligation and one of that to a spouse, parent or child, but even when performing family obligations, take precautions to be cognizant of repeat offenders. We need to make time for the things that please ourselves too. When it all becomes too much, we shouldn’t hesitate to seek professional help.

Happiness should begin from within at self first. It’s difficult to reach goals for self if we’re over-extended helping others.

Learn how to say no. Take a stand for something you believe in, like perhaps making personal time for yourself, and don’t always be so accommodating when you’ve already made plans for yourself and someone tries to get you to do something for them again. Each proactive step you learn to take is a step closer to growth to overcome low self- esteem and insecurities, which will strengthen self-confidence.

Below are two videos which go a little deeper into the damages of people pleasing and how stop being a pleaser.

TedX talk, the damages that come from people pleasing. –Salma Hindy, Canadian comedian

How to stop being a people pleaser.

Do you find yourself caught being a people pleaser?

In the next issue of Realms of Relationships, I’ll be talking about – The breaking point, ‘No contact,’ when it’s time to make a break, and the path to getting there.

©DGKaye2020

My thanks to Debby for this fascinating relationship pitfall. I know that she would love your feedback…

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

                 “For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Twenty Years After ‘I Do’

Lauren Scott 5.0 out of 5 stars A beautiful memoir on love and aging…  Reviewed in the United States on October 15, 2020

D.G. Kaye’s memoir, Twenty Years After I Do, piqued my interest for a couple of reasons. First, I’ve been married for thirty-one years to a man who is not only my loving husband but who is my very best friend. I wanted to read what the author had to say on the subject, and she certainly inserted many pearls of wisdom of which I agreed with. Before I met my husband, I had dated a man twenty years older than me, so reading her perspective on the age difference grabbed my attention, as well. This was the second book that I have read from Debby, so I was already familiar with her beautiful, conversational writing.

Debby offers snippets of insight from her own experiences on how to keep a marriage happy and unbreakable. She adds how humor can lighten any heavy situation and intimately writes of how sex ultimately changes from dating to married life. Most importantly though, she conveys that love has no timeline. Couples should enjoy each moment together and unconditional love will carry them through the difficult times. I was moved by this lovely collection of stories from Debby’s marriage to Gordon, and how she met true love when she least expected. An enjoyable read and one I highly recommend.

Read all the reviews and buy the books: Amazon US – and: Amazon UK –  follow Debby: Goodreads

Connect to Debby Gies: Blog: D.G. Kaye Writer – About me: D.G. Kaye – Twitter: @pokercubsterLinkedin: D.G. Kaye – Facebook: D.G. Kaye – Instagram: D.G. Kaye – Pinterest: D.G. Kaye

 

Thank you for joining us today and Debby would love to hear from you.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – October 4th – 10th 2020 – Streisand, Narcissism, Dog Sitting, Mending Fences, books, reviews and funnies


Welcome to the round up of posts that you might have missed on Smorgasbord this week.

So here we are all again and how quickly time flies when you are enjoying yourself…I say that without a trace of sarcasm honestly… if it were not for the blog and for the daily visits from all of you I think I would have found the last 8 months very difficult.

Not that there are not things that need to be done! – I have not got anymore housework done that I do normally (which is not a great deal). There is the matter of the short story collection due out in November to finish, two novels, a large tapestry of an elephant and her baby, the summer clothes as yet unworn to be put away back in their winter quarters, and winter clothes to be ironed and put back on hangers. I will leave the sequin jacket and dancing shoes where they are as we won’t be doing any partying anytime soon…although a quick shuffle around the dining room is not out of the question to the right music.

I do have 35 books awaiting reading and reviewing and I am trying to do that in a timely fashion. I know that at the end of the month I will be heading off to Amazon again to buy another ten or twelve that have been recommended by others here or I have spotted on others’ blogs. One of the downsides of promoting authors and reading through their reviews to showcase but I am not complaining, just my TBR like most of yours.

I have also been doing some updated research on a number of health conditions and despite the Covid – 19 focus on getting a vaccine and treatments, there are still some interesting advances in other areas of medical research.. I will be putting together a new Health in the News in November.

The author spotlight ends tomorrow, but I went through my files and unearthed some author interviews from 2015 onwards for authors who are very much a part of my community and I will be repeating those on Sundays up to the end of the year. I have updated with their current books and reviews and I hope you will enjoy again after all this time.

I hope you have enjoyed the week as much as I have and my thanks as always to the contributors who take time and a great deal of thought to put together interesting and entertaining posts.. this week William Price King shares part three of the Barbra Streisand story and you can find William’s own posts and also very kindly a selection of Smorgasbord’s on his  Blog– IMPROVISATION William Price King on Tumblr

Also this week D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies shares her wisdom on narcissism in the family and some of the reasons behind this insidious and damaging mental issue. Also thanks to my guest Jane Sturgeon for her entertaining life changing moment…

And a special thank you to author Judith Barrow who has kindly set up a directory on her blog to share posts from Smorgasbord.. a huge honour thanks Judith Judith Barrow Blog

Thank you for supporting all of us and it is much appreciated.

Life and Music of Barbra Streisand Part Three -collaborations in the 1970s and 1980s

D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships -October 2020 -Envy, Jealousy, Bullying – A Path to Narcissism?

Life Changing Moments – Dog Sitting with a twist or two by Jane Sturgeon

Sam, A Shaggy Dog Story – Chapter Ten – Sleepovers with new friends

Shakespeare and Traditional Fencing Methods

20th Anniversary #Free Book and Some of my Very Odd Jobs – The Steak House Part Two by Sally Cronin

Pub landlady Cowes Isle of Wight

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Poetry – In Remembrance – The War Poets – Edmund Blunden

-My parents arrive – Part One – Stetsons, Yellow Roses, Pappasito’s and Chi Chis

Western #Horror #Thriller – Guns of Perdition – The Armageddon Showdown Book 1 by Jessica Bakkers

Past Book Reviews – #IrishHistory Andrew Joyce, #Shortstories Mary Smith

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The endocrine system and hormones Part One

Essential Oils and Aromatherapy – Oils, origins, uses and Safety – Part Two

Summer 2020- Pot Luck- Book Reviews by Vashti Quiroz-Vega

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Share your Children’s book reviews – #PictureBooks with Jennie Fitzkee Part Two

Sam the Speedy Sloth by Matthew Ralph reviewed by Barbara Ann Mojica

#Fantasy D. Wallace Peach Reviews #YAFantasy Heather Kindt, #Contemporary Carol LaHines, #ShortStories Elizabeth Merry

#Poetry Geoff Le Pard, Reviews -#Dystopian Harmony Kent, #WWII Marina Osipova

#Poetry Frank Prem, Reviews #Crime Jane Risdon, #Thriller Gwen Plano

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Oct 6th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin

October 8th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Protests and Clean Plates

Host Sally Cronin – What do you mean I can’t park here?

 

Thanks again for dropping by and as always your feedback is much appreciated… Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – October 6th 2020 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Baked Beans and Magicians


Firstly, with the results of sleuthing on the Internet are some funnies from Debby Gies followed by some jokes from Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

Thanks to Debby for finding these treasures… please give her a round of applause..

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US AndAmazon UK    BlogD.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads –  Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s series here on Smorgasbord  D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now for some jokes from Sally –

The Debt

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”

The Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

“Look, it’s not the same hat!” “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything, it was the captain’s parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, “Okay, I give up.

What’d you do with the boat?”

 

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..thanks Sally and Debby..