Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – May 9th – 15th 2021 – 1960s hits, Grief, Green Kitchen, Health, Stories, Poetry, books, reviews and funnies


Welcome to the weekly round up with some posts you might have missed here on Smorgasbord.

I hope you are all well… I know that like us here restrictions are being lifted in many countries although In Ireland there is going to be a slow roll out depending on any upsurge in cases.

The big news here is that overnight on Thursday criminals hacked the health service which is now offline which has resulted in the cancellation of thousands of appointments and more seriously life-saving operations. The government stance is that they will not pay any ransom and so as of this moment it appears that we are at an impasse. We all know that these parasites are out there, but to do this when all countries and their populations are at their most vulnerable is heinous.  All I can do is wish them everything they wish upon others!

This means that despite assurances that the vaccination programme will be unaffected, it probably will be. So no idea when I will be getting my first…

On a brighter note, and thankfully there usually is one…the sun popped out periodically during the week and took some time off for some badly needed fresh air and a Vitamin D boost.

Also as always, I am very grateful to my friends and co-conspirators this week William Price King co-hosting the Breakfast Show with me with some more 1960s music, D.G. Kaye with her new May relationship column exploring the impact of grief on our lives, and some funnies to keep us smiling, Carol Taylor with The Green Kitchen… and if you love soft dinner rolls…dig in.. And last but not least Daniel Kemp who shared his special brand of humour a the Open Mic Night.

Fantastic and talented friends.

On with the shows from the week.

Chart Hits 1969 – Part One – Sly The Family Stone, Blood Sweat and Tears, The Rolling Stones and Bobby Gentry

May 2021 – The #Grief Process

May 2021 – Dinner Rolls, Chillies, Recycled Face Masks, Grow Spring onions, make Apple Cider Vinegar – Waste Not, Want Not.. 

Winter: Chapter Twenty-one – The First Christmas 

Tales from the Spanish Garden – Chapter One – The Guardians 

Two poems this week….

-#CrapseyCinquain -Existence by Sally Cronin 

#BadgerHexastich – Yearning by Sally Cronin

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Book Review – Free Ebook – #Cookery #Culture – Ένα γλυκό βιβλίapaki – A “Sweet” Book. Eat Dessert First Greece 

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Mystery #Paranormal – Harbinger (Wake-Robin Ridge Book 3) by Marcia Meara 

Family Health A-Z – Allergies and Intolerances – Part Two – – #Dairy #Leaky Gut 

– CROSSROADS (Winds of love): Poetry and Prose by Jude Itakali 

#Historical #Romance Lubelia Alycea: One Hundred Years by J.E. Spina 

#Thriller Death Between the Tables (Old Manse Mysteries Book 2) by Alexa Bowie

The Click of a Pebble: Tryst with the Devil (Trilogy, The Children of Zeus Book 1) by [Barbara Spencer]

#Fantasy – The Click of a Pebble Tryst with the Devil (Trilogy, The Children of Zeus Book 1) by Barbara Spencer

Reluctant Medium (Rachel Blackstone Paranormal Mysteries Book 1) by [G G Collins]

#Psychic #Thriller Reluctant Medium (Rachel Blackstone Paranormal Mysteries Book 1) by G G Collins 

#Memoir D.G. Kaye, #Biography #Afghanistan Mary Smith, #Poetry D.L. Finn. 

#Humour – Let Marcia Meara lift your spirits.

#Humor/Humour by Leon Stevens 

carol bio

#Wine – Recent News from the World of Wine Forgery by Carol A. Seidl 

#BookReview – Life on Our Planet: My Witness Statement and a Vision for the Future by Sir David Attenborough by Jemima Pett 

Monday 10th May 2021 – #Poetry #Trees Rebecca Budd, #SnailMail Pamela Wight, #BookReviews Jan Sikes

Tuesday May 11th 2021 – #Review D.G. Kaye, #ReadingAloud Jennie Fitzkee, #DogBooks Jacqui Murray 

Wednesday 12th May 2021 – Filmreview Beetley Pete, #BookReview Olga Nunez Miret, #Gingercake Elizabeth Merry, 

May 11th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Brussel Sprouts and Holidays 

May 13th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Exodus and Mary Poppins 

– May 14th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – The Month of May and Chickens 

 

Thanks so much for all your support and encouragement…I hope you will join us again next week.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – May 11th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Brussel Sprouts and Holidays


Welcome to laughter lines. Debby was sent some great reminders of the last year and possible for some time to come!.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally

Off on your holidays….maybe at some point….

A travel agent looked up from his desk to notice an old lady and man peering in the shop window at the posters showing exotic locations around the world. The agent had enjoyed a very lucrative week and seeing the shabby nature of the couple looking in the window he decided to extend his luck to them.

He beckoned them into his office and sat them both down. ‘I know that it must be very difficult on a pension to spare money for a lovely holiday, so I am going to send you off to the Canary Islands for two weeks at my expense.’

He handed over two airline tickets and a voucher for a luxury room at a top resort.

About a month later the little old lady came into the travel agents to see him.

‘How did you enjoy your holiday?’ he asked.

‘The flight was wonderful and the room was absolutely lovely,’ she replied. ‘I have popped in to thank you. But one thing has puzzled me. Who was that old bloke I had to share the room with?’

Thanks for dropping in and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – May 2nd -8th 2021 -Jose Feliciano, Allergies, Magic Gardens, Book Reviews, Book Excerpts and Funnies


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

Time flies when you are having fun so they say, and I do think that applies. I certainly have no idea where this last week went, but here we are again with the round up.

I have had a good week in other aspects to as I am finally on the vaccination list with hopefully my first jab in the next three weeks. Being a similar age as each other means David and I are eligible at the same time. We have decided however that he will book his after I have had my first just in case one of us reacts which hopefully will not be the case. We hope to get away in September and at the rate of 2nds jabs we might just make it by the end of that month. We have moved a ferry booking three times so far and it would be nice to use it at some point.

The Tales from the Irish Garden finishes tomorrow with a formal palace announcement which should clear up the mystery about the Queen’s malaise…

I asked if there was a preference for the next book and since it was split between the original Tales from the Spanish Garden.. and What’s in a Name? I am sharing one book on Saturdays and the other on Sundays from next week. Meanwhile I am creating new stories for the Irish Garden to be released later in the year.

I am also putting together a poetry collection and working on another health book..so that should keep me out of mischief.

There will be some new series coming up on the Book Promotion front in the next couple of months including Share an Excerpt from your current book and Meet the authors where I will feature every author in the Cafe at the time.  I will do promotional posts for those in the next couple of weeks so keep your eyes peeled..

Coming this week…

D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies is back with us on Monday 10th with her brand new Realm of Relationships. As you all know Debby lost her husband a month ago and this heartfelt post is very appropriate, as loss of a loved one in a relationship is devastating. Understanding the dynamics of the stages of grief can bring some comfort.

I have been out and about this week as a guest of author and poet Robbie Cheadle who posed some interesting questions.. we would love you to head over. Sally and Robbie.. Blogging, books and the future 

On with the posts from the week and as always many thanks to William Price King for co-presenting The Breakfast Show and this week special guest Malcolm Allen for sharing his funnies from Australia.

Thank you as well to you for dropping in, commenting and sharing the posts on social media.. it makes a huge difference and keeps me motivated.

 

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1968 – Part Two 

D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Rewind – Calling All Fixers! 

Winter: Chapter Nineteen – Winterising the Palace 

Winter: Chapter Twenty – Betrothals and Surprises 

– Butterfly #Cinquain – #Sunflower by Sally Cronin 

Family Health A-Z – Allergies and Intolerances – Part One – The difference between them 

Monday May 3rd 2021 – #WATWB D.G. Kaye, #Injustice Jill Dennison, #Snippets Carol Taylor 

Tuesday May 4th 2021 – #Progress Mary Smith, #Family Claire Fullerton, #Writing Richard Dee 

Thursday 6th May 2021 – Books and Reviews from D.Wallace Peach, John W. Howell and Robbie Cheadle 

– Life During Lockdown – My Mother’s Story by Melanie Stewart 

In Pursuit of Fame – Part 1 by Barbara Spencer 

#Paranormal – The Emissary Trilogy; A Riverbend Spinoff by Marcia Meara 

Past Book Reviews 2020 -#Poetry – Rescue and Redemption (A Love Poetry Trilogy Book 3) by Frank Prem 

Past Book Reviews from 2020 – #Romance – Perfectly Imperfect by Jacquie Biggar 

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Supernatural Adventure Eternal Road: The Final Stop by John W. Howell.

#Reviews – #Bilingual Dawn Doig, #Ghosts Emily-Jane Hills Orford, #Friendship Donald Lloyd Jr. 

#Dragons – Janice Spina, #Little Miss History Barbara Ann Mojica, #Redhair Joyce Murphy 

#Family #ComingofAge -The Stone in My Pocket by Matthew Keeley 

MayDay! (The Juniper Junction Holiday Mystery Series Book 5) by Amy M. Reade 

Wordcrafter #Poetry Anthology Compiled by Kaye Lynne Booth and Roberta Eaton Cheadle and featuring other talented poets. 

#Fantasy Sunset on Golden Wings (Swans Book 2) by Barbara Spencer 

#Paranormal Swamp Ghosts (Riverbend Book 1) by Marcia Meara 

#Christian #Mystery – Dangerous Sanctuary by J.Q Rose 

#Medical #Thriller – Going Home by Sharon Marchisello 

#ShortStories – We All Die in the End Elizabeth Merry 

#Memoir Pete Springer, #FamilySaga M.L Holton, #Family Lisette Brodey 

May be an image of text that says "Doctor to female patient:- You're looking so weak and exhause.e.........Are you taking the 3 meals a day as I had advised female patient Oh my god".. Your nurse wrote 3 males a day.!. 15:06"

May 4th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Age Benefits and Mothers 

May 6th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Hitch-Hiker and Groaners 

Open Mic Night – May 7th 2021 – Guest Malcolm Allen – Accordians and DIY

 

Thanks very much for dropping in and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.. thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Rewind – Calling All Fixers!


As many of you already know that D.G. Kaye’s husband passed away on April 7th and our thoughts are with her during this sad time. Debby was happy for me to reshare her relationship posts from last year for the benefit of new readers and hopes to be back with a new column later in May.

If you have not already read Debby’s moving tribute and thoughts on the last week’s of ‘G’s life you can follow this link: Obituary – The Send Off and Love, Loss and Grief

Welcome to the July 2020 edition of Realms of Relationships

Calling All Fixers

Are you that person who has a dire need to fix the people you care about? Are you that person who thinks nobody can fix things like you can? Let me tell you, I was one of those people, and I learned that there are definite limitations when it comes to thinking we can repair others—despite how much our hearts truly wish we could.

Our compassion and love fuel our desire to want to help our loved ones when we sense something is off. But it’s a fact that some issues are better left for the professionals—psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, etc. Yet, sometimes our overwhelming desire wins out, and we just can’t help but feel emboldened enough to think we’re capable of taking on the task, because, after all, we know that person intimately. We love them and take care of them, so obviously we should have no problem setting things right. But no. We cannot. And we shouldn’t feel as though it’s our job to do so either. Seems I was born with the ‘nurturing gene’ so, I’ve spent much of my life learning the hard way.

We cannot fix those who don’t wish to be fixed, nor those who even deny there’s a problem.

As I’ve mentioned in the beginning of this series, I have no PHD, but the one from life, so everything I write about is from the lessons I took in myself and any research I’ve done to confirm to myself what I learned. I’d read plenty on personality disorders, spirituality, and self- improvement since my teens. My curiosity has always been people and what makes them behave the way they do. There’s always a reason – a spark, an aha moment that can set someone off – a trigger. But diagnosing doesn’t mean we’re equipped or qualified to control or heal someone. So, I don’t write as a medical expert, but just an educated and experienced gal from the school of life.

For some of you here who may have read one of my books, you will know that I grew up observing my narcissistic mother, even though I knew nothing about the word or condition of a narcissist when I was a beginner in my quest to analyze her. I just figured it out as I got older and read books to satisfy my curiosity, then followed through learning more about them and discovered she was that.

~ ~ ~

When someone we love isn’t well, our natural instincts as carers is to try and fix what’s wrong. There’s nothing wrong with trying, but issues dealing with mental imbalances, such as bi-polar, manic depression, and other deep-rooted issues requiring clinical assessment are typically beyond our league. Just because we love and care for that person, doesn’t mean we have the proper experience or training to deal with such issues. Another factor could be that the affected person doesn’t realize how deep their issues go or may not even be aware they even have a problem – which should be a huge flag our loved one needs professional help.

Now, certainly we can do our best to help fix a bad attitude by offering consoling and by making best efforts to uplift our loved ones when a bad moment arises. We may offer discussion, remind them they are in a safe place to vent, reminding them we love them and care and we’re there for them, but for serious mental afflictions, it’s best they get the proper medical attention. Unless we have the medical training for some tough issues, all the talking and uplifting in the world just may not be enough.

As I wrote about here in my last article on Empaths, for those of us who are uber compassionate people, we can sometimes become a little too eager with our desire to help those in need. Sometimes we may feel our compassionate abilities, our gift to help others, is a magic one-size fits all. But sadly, it isn’t. Because I’m not a certified therapist, I know I don’t have all the tools to fix everyone I wish to, despite my best efforts and intentions.

I’ve collected many broken people flocking to me since I was a young girl – starting with my father, who, incidentally, did do his best to follow my advice, although, love and broken hearts have a will of their own, and with that, I’ll just say that at least I could still be there for his heavy landings when my mother would once again make him feel small. His hurt held a space inside my heart that ate away at me for my entire childhood and beyond. Those were my early days of becoming the parent to my father. And even at the tender age of seven, my great need to stop the hurt and stand up to my mother for the love of my father were the beginnings of my desire to become the fixer of everyone’s unhappiness.

I inherited my empathy from my father whose giant heart was smitten, and consequently, ensnared by a beautiful girl with opportunistic intentions. It was that one day when my dad dropped me off back at home after our Sunday visit that my desire to be a fixer was born.

My dad pulled up around our circular driveway, put the car in park and hugged my younger siblings goodbye as I stayed an extra few moments in the front seat so we could have our alone time for a little longer. When he hugged me goodbye, he had tears in his eyes and asked me, his seven years-old little girl, if I would please ask Mommy to take him back. Just like that—just like I wasn’t seven. He was broken, and it broke me. Not surprising I grew up with a strong desire to fix people. I was also empathetic toward my mother. Despite my resentments toward her, I continued to do things to please and appease her—even when my own heart wasn’t in it.

I tried so many times through the years to offer her ideas to better her health. I offered to buy her supplements I knew would benefit her, approved by my own naturopath, but she’d mock me with her usual derogatory names, the same old lines—“You think you’re so goddamned smart,” a common and familiar phrase. ‘Hocus pocus bullshit’ was how she referred to anything she wasn’t versed in because if she wasn’t informed, or advised by her trusted drug- pushing doctor, her Narcissistic self would not tolerate being outshined. I didn’t know it then, but it took a few more decades of mental anguish to learn she suffered a superiority complex of grandeur, she couldn’t tolerate it if someone was smarter, better, prettier, than her.

I found this so weird because my mother never even graduated high school, but nobody would have known the better because she’d deny it to your face even though she knew the truth. Yup, that was my mother, and as my patriarchal ancestors would say, she ate my kishkes’ out‘. (This is a Yiddish cliché expression. In direct context, ‘kishke’ is comparable to Scottish haggis.)

There was no fixing my mother, but eventually, I learned why. There was no fixing her like there was no fixing a man I wasted seven years of my life with before I met my own husband. Yes, seven crazy years – I stayed wayyy too long at that prom—to the point I was risking my life.

It didn’t take me seven years to figure it out. All the signs were apparent in the first year, but I was sure I could fix him. Oh yes, dependable me, once I was committed, I was adamant to make things work. After stringing together bits and pieces of our conversations and witnessing some uncalled for, explosive incidents, I began to feel an eerie discomfort around him. I concluded he was manic-depressive, only he wasn’t aware of it. I studied his patterns of anger escalation, especially volatile when fueled by alcohol. And my stubbornness only led me to becoming trapped without an expensive exit. This story is a book in itself – one I have a dire need to write about to be of help to those women who are trapped with their abusers, but unfortunately, I’m still living in the fear he is out there somewhere, which was the original inspiration for taking a pen name.

I lived through countless ‘I love yous’, ‘I’m so sorrys’, ‘I promise I’ll changes’, until I heard ‘If I can’t have you, nobody will.’ I knew by the first year I had to leave, but sadly, it took me six more to put it in action. I learned a lot about psychological intimidation – as both, a receiver then a player, and how to use it to my advantage. But it turned out I was far from equipped to handle the mess I’d grown myself into with that relationship. And quite frankly, from that chunk of my life, I learned the scary repercussions there could be from trying to fix a volatile volcano.
In the end, what I learned after narrowly escaping with my life, there is no magic potion to fix all the people we wish to fix. In fact, depending on the issues our loved one is dealing with, we can actually, sometimes, be putting our own lives in danger.

We can be loving and supporting by trying to help people get the proper help they need. When it comes to immersing ourselves into trying to help someone whose issues are beyond our medical education, the best thing we can do for those who suffer is find them the appropriate help and be there to support, not fix.

Do you find yourself being a ‘fixer’? I’m all ears if you’d like to share. 😊

©D.G.Kaye 2020

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Conflicted Hearts

Jan 25, 2021 D.L. Finn rated it Five Stars it was amazing

“Conflicted Hearts” is a wonderful insight of a girl growing up with an unavailable mother and father lost in that world. I could easily relate to the role of caretaker being thrust on a young girl and the guilt she carried. The blame her paternal grandparents had toward her because her father had to marry her mother was heavy, as was her parents’ on and off living arrangements and mother’s self-absorption toward her children. The guilt followed Ms. Kaye into adulthood, as she always tried to do the right thing. I appreciated how mistakes made had given her the lessons needed. One situation that made me cringe was during a trip to Greece and a broken foot. But people came into her life just when they were needed. I found that very heartening. It was hard to read about the abusive relationship she ended up in, and I was relieved when they parted ways. I loved watching the author make her way to her happily ever after. I found this an inspiring journey of how Ms. Kaye navigated her home life and then left it behind to find herself and love. I highly recommend this memoir

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

 

My thanks to Debby for taking on the challenge of exploring the complexity of relationships, and sharing strategies to improve the way we manage those important to us. As always your feedback is very welcome and Debby will respond to you comments when she can. Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – April 25th – May 1st 2021 – Chart Hits 1968, Empaths, Irish Tales, Poetry, Reviews, Health and Humour


Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

I hope that everyone is doing well. From Monday we will have a few restrictions lifted and we can buy clothing again in the supermarkets and other non-essential items which is useful. Not that I buy many clothes these days as I have more than I could possibly wear in a lifetime along with bags and shoes… and some of them even fit!  But, I do like their t-shirts and everyday clothes and it will be pleasant to be able to browse through them again. Of course I will be looking for just the perfect bikini for the summer lol.. I have no ideas what it would do the breeding cycle of the common garden sparrow if I wore that in the back garden!!

On another note.. Tales from the Irish Garden comes to an end next weekend and because I am currently spending weekends knee deep in the sequel for later in the year, I will be sharing another of my books. You can help me out please… Let me know which of these books you would liked shared again.. I know that regulars to the blog over the years might have read them before but hopefully newcomers might enjoy reading.

You can find reviews for the books if you are interested along with my other books:
My books and reviews 2019 – 2021

 Book One – What’s in a Name? Volumes one and two  – 36 short stories

Our legacy is not always about money or fame, but rather in the way that people remember our name after we have gone. In these 36 short stories we discover the reasons why special men and women will stay in the hearts and minds of those who have met them. Romance, revenge and sacrifice all play their part in the lives of these characters.

Book Two – Just an Odd Job Girl

Imogen was fifty! Life is unpredictable and will often throw you a curve ball that knocks you out of the park.

For Imogen this curve ball knocked her out of a twenty five year marriage and a lovingly renovated home into a single life at age 50. She had been a very contented wife and mother of two children, who for every one of those 25 years had thought her husband had been equally as happy. It was a shock to find out that she had been delusional and replaced so easily.

Her confidence was non-existent. She had forgotten any skills she possessed and was totally unprepared to enter the modern job market. Or so she thought.

Book Three – Tales from the Garden

Fairy Stories for children of all ages, from five to ninety-five that will change the way you look at your garden, forever. Set in my garden in the mountains of central Spain, the statues tell their stories and we meet Queen Filigree and her court for the first time before they have to seek sanctuary in the Irish Garden.

With over 80 photos/illustrations, “Tales from the Garden” by Sally Cronin,reveals the secrets that are hidden beneath hedges and trees.

You will discover what really happens at night as you sleep unaware in your bed. Stone statues and those hidden worlds within the earth are about to share their stories.

The guardians who have kept the sanctuary safe for over fifty years will allow you to peek behind the scenes of this magical place. They will take you on a journey through time and expand your horizons as they transport you to the land of fairies, butterflies and lost souls who have found a home here.

All you have to do is write Book One, Two or Three in the comments section.. otherwise I will pick one out of a hat!!  (you will get them all eventually over coming months)

Time to get on with the posts from the week… thanks to William Price King and Debby Gies who are the main contributors this week.. and you will be delighted to know that Debby will be back with us on May 10th with her new relationshiop post that will touch your heart.

Thank you for all your comments of encouragement and interest over the week and have a wonderful weekend.. Sally

The Breakfast Show with William Price King and Sally Cronin – Chart Hits 1968 – Part One 

Rewind – Empaths and Spiritual Communication through Energy 

Chapter Seventeen -Autumn: All Hallows Eve 

chapter Eighteen – All Hallow’s Eve Part Two – Freakish Village prepares for the Zombies 

#Photoprompt – #Double Etheree – #The Future? by Sally Cronin 

 Advance review – Amanda in Malta: The Sleeping Lady (An Amanda Travels Adventure Book 8) by Darlene foster

Smorgasbord #Children’s Reading Room – Book #Review – Tina Lost in a Crowd by Miriam H. Hurdle

Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Historical #Mystery #Chicago – A Child Lost by Michelle Cox 

– Past Book Reviews 2020 – #Mystery #Humour – In Search of McDoogal by Mae Clair 

What’s In a Name? And How Do You Choose One? by Marcia Meara 

#Music Monday: So Many Genres by Leon Stevens 

new profile

#Publishing – What about Books in 2030 by Jemima Pett 

New Book on the Shelves – My Twin Sister and Me: A scout always does her best! by Emiliya Ahmadova

New books on the shelves #Paranormal Ghosts in Trouble and #Mystery Felix Finds Out by Elizabeth Merry 

Dead Dry Heart: A psychological thriller by [Toni Pike]

Dead Dry Heart: A #psychological thriller by Toni Pike 

#Medical #Thriller – Type and Cross (Cathedral Lake Book 1) by Staci Troilo 

#BiographicalFiction – Flowers and Stone by Jan Sikes Posted on April 28, 2021 by Smorgasbord – Variety is the Spice of Life.  

– New Author on the Shelves – #Psychological – House of Sorrow: Legends of Madeira by Joan Hall 

New Book on the Shelves – #Horror #Occult Delilah Astral Investigator Infinity Series: Episode 2, The Boy Who Would Be King by Deborah A. Bowman 

#Poetry Balroop Singh, #Fantasy Vashti Quiroz Vega, #Poetry Sue Vincent, #Mystery James J. Cudney 

Monday 26th April 2021 – #Writing K.M. Allan, #Animals #Stories D.L. Finn, #Chutney Sowmya’s Spicy Corner 

Tuesday April 27th 2021 – #Family Antoinette Truglio Martin, #Story Beetley Pete and Jim Webster, #LemonCake Dorothy New Vintage Kitchen.

Thursday April 29th 2021 – #Guest Post Robbie Cheadle and Jane Risdon, #Environment Carol Taylor, #Funnies The Story Reading Ape. 

Family Health A-Z – Acidity in the digestive system – Acid Reflux – Triggers and Diet by Sally Cronin

April 27th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – #Domestic and #Court Humour 

April 29th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – #Inflight Entertainment and #Life’s Laws

May be an image of text that says "They say we learn from our mistakes... That's why I'm making as many as possible. I'll soon be a genius!"

April 30th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Onions and other Favourite Things 

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – April 29th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – #Inflight Entertainment and #Life’s Laws


We will be sharing some of the funnies from the archives and hope you enjoy..thanks Debby and Sally.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally

LIFE’S LAWS

1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the toilet.

2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

11.Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

12.Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

13.Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

14.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

15.Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

*****

A man is looking through a cemetery when he hears some music. He looks around to see who is playing it but can’t see anyone. Searching for the source, he finally finds it coming from a grave with a headstone that reads:

Ludwig van Beethoven 1770-1827

Then he realizes the music is Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and is being played backward.

Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.By the time they arrive back at the grave, the Seventh Symphony is playing, also backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.When they return, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward.The expert notices the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed. By the next day, the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then, the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group.

Someone asks him if he has an explanation for all of this. “I would have thought it was obvious,” he replied. “He’s decomposing.”

Thank you for dropping in today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on you face…thanks Debby and Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – April 27th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – #Domestic and #Court Humour


Welcome to laughter lines. We will be sharing some of our favourites from the archives over the next few weeks.   If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

 

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally

How do court reporters keep a straight face?

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about  it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you messing with me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

 

Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face…Debby and Sally …

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Rewind – Empaths and Spiritual Communication through Energy


As many of you already know that D.G. Kaye’s husband passed away on April 7th and our thoughts are with her during this sad time. Debby was happy for me to reshare her relationship posts from last year for the benefit of new readers and hopes to be back with a new column later in May.

If you have not already read Debby’s moving tribute and thoughts on the last week’s of ‘G’s life you can follow this link: Obituary – The Send Off and Love, Loss and Grief

Realms of Relationships – Empaths and Spiritual Communication through Energy

Welcome to the June edition of the Realms of Relationships. Today, I’m writing off course about a different kind of communication – through energy. Perhaps it’s these crazy times we’re all living in, but for people who are Highly Sensitive Persons, also known as HSPs, and for those of us who are empaths with similar traits, I’ve found these last few months, and in particular these last few weeks of world-wide protests for justice, weighing me down with a heavier than usual load to carry, emotionally.

For us sensitives, we are uber sensitive to the energies emitted when the hurt in the world becomes insurmountable. For empaths and HSPs, we don’t necessarily have to be directly in front of one person to pick up energies. We can also take in the collective. And I can tell you, absorbing too much of the negativity going on in the world can be very affecting.

Empaths are ultra-compassionate people, and it’s no surprise that we are feeling way too much in this time of the world.

You may be thinking I’ve gone off the beaten path here, talking about empaths today, but I tagged this column Realms of Relationships because in order for any relationship to flourish and thrive, there must be good communication. And when it comes to communication, an empath – receiver of messages through alternate methods of communication, has good experience understanding communication.

The question has often been asked – what is an empath, and what makes empathy different from sympathy? So today I’m going to break it down.

Empaths can literally feel the emotions of another. An inner-knowing through a feeling of invisibly transmitted energy, is how I’d explain it. I suspect every empath has their own unique abilities how they receive messages, just as many sensitive people, including psychics and mediums, feel spirit with one particular sense.

For example, I can sense when spirits are around me by a sudden drop in my body temperature to downright shivering, no matter the degrees it is in the room. I also sense spirit by scent. I don’t see or hear ghosts, but I sense their presence when the room I’m in suddenly begins to feel very chilly to the point that my teeth chatter as the rest of me shivers. I can smell a distinct odor of Export A cigarette smoke just as I always did when my father entered a room and when he now visits me from ‘the other side’. I get the same feeling when a mysterious waft of a certain sweet scent of perfume fills the air when my Aunty Sherry pays me a visit. Not surprisingly, I’m the only one who can smell these visitors if I’m not alone.

But I digress, I was talking about receiving empathic messages before I got lost on the ghostly messages, lol. My superpower? I like to say, I read souls. I can read and feel emotions – yes, goodness, anger, sadness, evil and every emotion in between. It’s not always a good thing, that’s for sure, but it does come in handy for sizing up situations. How to explain?

How does an empath absorb the emotions of others? I can only speak from my own experience, and the best way I can explain it is – In person, it only takes a few minutes for me to sense emotions from looking through the eyes – beyond the eyes, into the soul, so to speak. Body language and words also transmit energy. Certainly, we’ve all heard some of the old clichés like – ‘the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife’. That example of thickened air is a good indicator of what an empath picks up on whenever encountering negative energy. Empaths can feel the emotions given off by others. Like I previously mentioned, I would describe it as an energy transmission – communication through absorbed energy.

I am like a sponge or a Bounty paper towel, and have therefore, learned through the years, where to keep myself away from to avoid absorbing certain energies from attracting to me. Again, hard to explain, but I’m sure almost everyone has had a superstitious moment in life where we’re convinced there is a black cloud hanging over us, or have once felt that someone has cast an evil spell on us or maybe we just plain feel like bad luck is surrounding us. These examples are what an empath feels when we pick up negative energies about a person. And that person doesn’t have to be physically in our presence for energies to bounce off us. And not to mislead anyone, empaths pick up both good and bad energies – no discrimination. It’s just that attracting the negative energies are harder to repel. And it’s no surprise when an empath is accused of being ‘moody’ that an energy can certainly have us changing our minds like the wind – just ask my husband!

A good example of picking up collective energies is when we’re watching the news. There really is no good news on the news and by watching too much sadness, our energies become ‘empathetic’ to the pain and sadness of others. My heart gets heavy and my concentration is shot as my heart prefers to lead my mood. Just as when we’re around a celebration and our hearts are full, we’re going to feel joyful because that is what surrounds us. And those good energies are like refueling from being drained from other bad energies. It’s a cycle for an empath, but there are ways to help deter attracting those energies by learning how to shield.

Empathy is different from sympathy in that having sympathy is more of an offering of condolence as we may feel sorry for someone because of their loss, but we do not feel that person’s actual grief as an empath can by taking in the griever’s actual feelings and emotions. Our own bodies can feel the pain of others – walking precisely in their shoes.
Some may think it must be so cool to have this ability, but honestly, I’d rather not have it. Being an empath isn’t something we typically train to become, but rather, it’s an inherent or unconscious developed trait. Psychics, spiritualists, witches, and earth angels are more notoriously known for having empathic abilities, but one doesn’t have to be any one of these in order to be an empath.

Being an empath is sometimes referred to as ‘a gift’, but it’s not always a gift. Many people are empathic. And many more may be but are not aware of their ‘gift’, and some are often hindered by it.

It’s been asked many times, does one just become an empath? Is it inherited? Is it learned? Well, I’ve heard various takes on the subject, but one thought of interest stuck out to me: Some empaths don’t realize that their desire to help others sometimes stems from a lack of nurturing as a child, resulting in an unconscious need to help others. I think that’s just one possible method of how a person can be transformed into an empath subconsciously, and despite there being a ‘how to’ for almost anything available, my personal feeling is that teaching someone to be empathic would be like trying to teach someone to become a psychic. We can read all we want about the subject and watch Youtube videos, and gain lots of insight from doing so, but one cannot simply just ‘become’ an empath or a psychic. Dr. Judith Orloff, Psychiatrist at Psychology.com explains how genetics and trauma can aid in playng a part in becoming an empath, in her article where she explains this a little further

What’s it like being an empath? Well, let’s say you’re watching a depressing movie or reading a sad part of a book and your feelings are touched by what you’re reading and/or watching. You may be feeling anger, disgust, elation or any other emotion from that movie or book. The writer of the story has done a great job of painting a story and bringing the characters to life when they can evoke these emotions and the reader is drawn in and can almost feel what the character is experiencing. For an empath, we don’t require someone to narrate their feelings to us, we sense and feel the emotion. Sure, if someone shares something affecting that happened to them, I can immediately take in how they’re feeling as a result of that incident, often no words are required. It’s a vibe and energy someone gives off and that energy is transmitted into their personal space. An empath only has to look into someone’s eyes to pick up on emotion – unspoken emotions. There is definitely more than meets the eye, to quote an old cliché – ‘the eyes are the windows of the soul’, because they definitely are.

An empath is a receptor for the energy. Someone not as sensitive to these energies wouldn’t be an empath, and subsequently, wouldn’t even be able to take notice of someone around them with a hidden emotional issue unless they were informed. And sadly, it’s sometimes difficult for an empath to shield or shutdown so as not to absorb these energies. Shielding is a protective measure that is learned, it’s the virtual putting up of an invisible wall to repel the energies to keep them from penetrating into us. With that I’ll add that one doesn’t have to be an empath to learn how to shield themselves.

Empaths are usually open targets for energy vampires (suckers) because we take in other people’s energies. Our compassion can sometimes exhaust us when we encounter too much needy energy at one time. Needy doesn’t necessarily always mean the vampire is intentionally reaching out to us, but, because we are susceptible to other people’s energies and feelings – means we can sense the needy energies. We receive the feelings through energy. This is the reason I refer to these types of people as vampires – because they suck out and overwhelm our own energies as we begin feeling their pain or sadness.

Don’t forget, an empath can experience happy emotions too, not just the bad and the sad, but experiencing happy and good emotions do not drain us. In fact, they can be quite uplifting. That’s why happy people are so good for the soul. And negative people drain our souls.

There are good parts of being an empath – despite an empath’s ability to attract others’ negative energy, sometimes having that uncanny ability of reading a person’s soul through looking into their eyes, can also come in handy for staying safe and sensing oncoming trouble ahead.

Just as a fine- tuned intuition will save us from making many wrong moves, an ability to be able to learn people’s intentions through looking in their eyes can help us avoid – or at least, prepare us to avoid danger. My internal alert system flashes before me if I’m in close proximity to something scary. If I’m out in public and find myself in a situation among undesirable people, or feeling a little too close for comfort, I have an early chance of escape.

I’ll observe people when they aren’t watching and look into their eyes at an opportune moment. If there’s an exchange of words, I’ll check if a smile is genuine (an empath knows). Eyes speak, so does an ominous silence – like a smile without matching smiling eyes. But I would have to say my finest tuned skill as an empath is attracting people’s sadness. My empathy is my Achille’s Heel. It may not be that someone is intentionally in my energy space, but my radar picks up on those energies. As I mentioned earlier, we don’t have to actually be in a room with someone to pick up the energy, just as we could be watching something on TV that transmits those same energies. For a seasoned empath, we can also read energies from the written word – some things like a commonly used phrase – reading between the lines, reading ‘behind’ the words that emit the true emotion behind the words.

I’d like to share an example of an experience I had that never leaves me, to demonstrate how the energy thing works with me.

The Medium and the broken-hearted woman and my book.

About 10 years ago now, I was invited to a private gathering at my naturopath’s office by my friend Charlene, the then office manager at the clinic. Charlene invited a well-known Medium to come to the clinic to perform readings by picking up energies in the room and afterwards, the group could ask the Medium questions.

The room was dimly lit as a candle burned at the center of a big round table. The Medium would announce a spirit who came to her and ask out loud who the spirit was calling on and what was their message from the beyond. I was curious to watch more than anything, and typically prefer not to call up spirits, yet, nonetheless, I was fascinated to be invited.

Charlene told me the room would be set up in a circle, but that she too didn’t want any readings and would sit at a desk across the room from the group of about a dozen. I told her I was happily going to sit with her during the ‘session’ as I preferred not be part of the circle.

When I got to the clinic, Charlene and I went downstairs together in the room where the event took place. The Medium still hadn’t arrived yet, and people were mingling as most of them were patients who knew each other from having IV treatments together in the lounge.

Charlene and I stood by the entrance and were chatting as a sudden drift of profound sadness shot through me from nowhere and my body temperature went cold as ice. My eyes quickly cast upon one of the women at the table. I didn’t know her, she wasn’t familiar. She was merely sitting in a chair around the circle waiting for the event to begin. She displayed no outstanding emotion through body language or otherwise, but when I looked across the room, into her eyes, I felt her heart breaking. After that enormous wave of emotion transpired, I turned to Charlene with tears rolling down my cheeks and asked her who that woman was because she didn’t look familiar as I continued to tell her what I was experiencing. I told Charlene when I looked at that woman, I felt a profound sadness within. Charlene informed me the woman’s husband died a week prior and came hoping for a final goodbye message from her deceased husband, transmitted through the Medium.

I will always remember that story, just as I will always remember what happened after the session when the Medium came up to us to thank Charlene for hosting the event. But before she walked away, the tall, dark, and Bohemian- dressed Medium gazed into my eyes, leaned in and told me – “You need to write that book.” True story! It was her commandment that inspired me to write my first book – which I planned to be my only book. LOL.

~ ~ ~

I hope you enjoyed this edition of Realms of Relationships. I would have to guess there are quite a few of us empaths in our writing community here. If any of you would like to own up and share something of your own experience as an empath, please do. Conversation is music to my ears. 😊

I’ll leave you with this fun fact post which lists some of the most well-known personalities you may not have known were empaths. I’m also including some links you may want to checkout to see if you are an HSP or empath and what to look for.

Fun Facts: Five Highest Ranking Famous Empaths a wonderful post on what made these famed 5 (One is George Orwell) at the top of the compassionate list.

The difference between HSP, empaths and introverts : Empaths, Highly Sensitive People, Introverts

Checklist. Are you an empath or HSP?Highly Sensitive Person Signs

You can find the other posts in the series: D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

©D.G.Kaye 2020

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Conflicted Hearts

Jan 25, 2021 D.L. Finn rated it Five Stars it was amazing

“Conflicted Hearts” is a wonderful insight of a girl growing up with an unavailable mother and father lost in that world. I could easily relate to the role of caretaker being thrust on a young girl and the guilt she carried. The blame her paternal grandparents had toward her because her father had to marry her mother was heavy, as was her parents’ on and off living arrangements and mother’s self-absorption toward her children. The guilt followed Ms. Kaye into adulthood, as she always tried to do the right thing. I appreciated how mistakes made had given her the lessons needed. One situation that made me cringe was during a trip to Greece and a broken foot. But people came into her life just when they were needed. I found that very heartening. It was hard to read about the abusive relationship she ended up in, and I was relieved when they parted ways. I loved watching the author make her way to her happily ever after. I found this an inspiring journey of how Ms. Kaye navigated her home life and then left it behind to find herself and love. I highly recommend this memoir 

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

 

My thanks to Debby for taking on the challenge of exploring the complexity of relationships, and sharing strategies to improve the way we manage those important to us. As always your feedback is very welcome and Debby will respond to you comments when she can. Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – D. G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships – Forming Healthy Relationships – Rewind – What’s Inside the Box?


As many of you already know that D.G. Kaye’s husband passed away on April 7th and our thoughts are with her during this sad time.

Debby is working on her next Realm of Relationship Column  but rather than have the pressure of a deadline, we thought we might share the first posts of the series which began in January 2020 every Monday to bring new readers to the blog up to speed

Forming Healthy Relationships – What’s Inside the Box?

Welcome back to this month’s edition of Realms of Relationships. In this segment, I’m delving into how we judge and are judged by others – First impressions and Body language and discovering what’s underneath the wrapping.

As humans, we are often judged by our outward appearances first. But if we never gave someone a chance to approach us to potentially form a friendship or relationship just because we couldn’t see beyond appearance, our circles would be pretty limited.

People come wrapped in all assortments. Who and what we attract or gravitate to stems from the vibe we give off – this vibe consists of a combination of traits we emit with our words, body language, and our physical appearance. All these elements comprised will help to determine who chooses to approach us.

Our demeanors and physical appearance send signals to others leading them to form a perception of what we’re all about. But without learning what’s on the inside, and perhaps what’s perceived as a first impression, we may not always adequately represent who we really are. Depending on how we choose to present ourselves on a given day, we’ll undoubtedly be judged by our actions as first impressions, so it’s a good idea not to misrepresent ourselves. Sadly, society does label people based on appearance, and as much as appearances do play a part in determining who we approach and how we’re accepted, appearance alone is not a great indicator of what’s inside our box.

Now we all know the old saying – don’t judge a book by its cover, but sadly, it’s human nature that people are judged by their covers. Yes, it’s unfair, but there are shallow thinking people among us. And pity for those who judge because they may just be missing out on opportunity for a satisfying relationship or friendship because they couldn’t see beyond difference.

What do we want most from a relationship? Acceptance, love compassion, trust, understanding, communication and reciprocation. These are the most important qualities a relationship should offer, and the qualities that will sustain a solid relationship. These aren’t qualities you can necessarily decipher based on looking at an individual. Yes, it’s easy to make judgement, but until we learn about what’s behind the cover, we aren’t able to make a complete assessment.

We are hard-wired for judgement. We all have our own version of what’s acceptable to us and peeves we hold in our mental lists of what we seek out of a relationship. But maybe we need to look beyond those physical peeves and explore personality and values.

Example Interview – Making Judgment:

Example: Mr. Brown goes for a job interview. He shows up looking rather disheveled. His stained shirt with no tie and in dire need of a haircut, and unprepared answers for interview offer no redeeming qualities to jump out at the interviewer to even put him in consideration for the job.

Next in is Mr. Green. His plaid shirt is in huge clash with his flowery tie, and his pants hiked up from the last flood make him look as though he’s from another era. He’s clean shaven with a respectable haircut, poses questions about a potential job he’s excited to have, has a cheery disposition and on point with all his answers.

Who will get the job?

It’s not difficult to guess who gets the job. But physically, none of these gents sound like they’re anywhere near Adonis-looking. In fact, if either of these men were walking down a street, some may take a double look and keep moving because judgment has been made, so no further inquiries required.

But here’s what we got from the short interview with these two guys. Mr. Brown gives us the impression of bad hygiene, and that’s a turn-off. His lack of concern for grooming – a haircut or clean clothes, and no ambition, holds little interest for anyone, especially when the idea of interview is to make a good impression. On the other hand, Mr. Green may be sorely lacking in fashion sense, but his clean-cut demeanor, enthusiasm, sunny disposition and quick comebacks in reply to questions make him a prime choice for the job.

*****

In that short example, we learned a bit about what these men looked like, how they presented themselves, a bit of their personality, and a glimpse into their ambition. The interviewer took in all these qualities demonstrated to him and made his choice based on best redeeming qualities for the job. And this little study is an example of the way we should qualify people as relationship potential – only some get caught up in the ‘physical looks’ of someone, sadly overlooking some wonderful qualities for relationship material with some of those who didn’t make the looks list.

Now, when it comes to poking fun at men who wear white shoes or sandals with white socks, I admit, that vision does not set off any wild desire for me, lol. But to pass up a potentially good date or friendship with someone who could be fun and interesting, just because they wore ‘the white loafers’, could turn out to be a missed opportunity – especially if that guy has many outstanding other qualities.

If we didn’t bother taking the time to talk for awhile and get to know the guy, we would have missed out at being pleasantly surprised at finding he is very charming with stimulating conversation, and we lost out for judgment. Sure, it’s possible if we had a conversation with the guy, he could well turn out to be boring and insensitive, which would give me confirmation I’m not interested. But without getting to know something about a person we shouldn’t make judgement because fashion faux pas can be cured, but rudeness or ignorance usually can’t. And to be honest, on first meeting with someone who offers no redeeming qualities and exhibits a lot of personal issues, leading to having to try and fix that person, those days are long done for me. But that was a different time and story.

Cute Story

I never really had a ‘type’ when it came to men. In fact, no two men I ever dated had any resemblance to any other one I dated. But I do have standards and if they aren’t met then all the charm and champagne wouldn’t tempt me.

When I met my husband, he didn’t wear white shoes, but he wore ‘wide ties’ circa 80s. By our 3rd date, we were already in ‘I feel like I know you all my life’ mode, and in our shared sense of humor I felt comfortable and jokingly ( even though I meant it), I told him from now on I’m going to buy his ties. I’ve been his fashion consultant ever since.

My husband ticked off many great qualities on my standards list, but as much as I know he did try his best, matching ties with patterned shirts can be a tricky thing. Hubby was always well-dressed and groomed but he had met the fashion guru and then one day that BOX of ties he had from a decade or two past that his sister had given him from a time she worked in garment manufacturing, went to the donation box. All those ‘Saturday Night Fever’ ties weren’t missed, and the guru began a whole new collection over the years they’d spend together.

When I met my husband, he had a smile to light up a room, quick wit comebacks, a generous heart, and most of all, he made me laugh. I got all that from a 10 minute conversation. If I’d met him under different circumstances, I may have overlooked him. But I was introduced to him by a mutual friend, which gave us a few moments to chat among us. And despite his outdated flowery tie, I felt an instant attraction to him. Because I took time to look inside the box.

Short Excerpt from my book – Words We Carry

You can get the book here: http://smarturl.it/bookWordsWeCarry .

When forming friendships and relationships of the heart, we tend to gravitate toward likeminded individuals, or we attract people based on how we represent ourselves. People with healthy attitudes about themselves tend to fall into relationships with those who share similar attitudes and values. The level of self-confidence we project sets the tone for who we attract.

Women will often ask, “How did that girl latch on to him? What did he see in her?” Do you ever look at a couple and notice that perhaps one of them isn’t particularly attractive while the other is? You’re left scratching your head, trying to figure out what the attraction was, without realizing there’s so much more to our composition than physical appeal. More than likely, kindness, wittiness, and compassion sparked those relationships. The traits we expose of our personalities are what calls attention to us.

People like to be around happy, positive people. Those qualities are natural attracters. Physical beauty and sexiness aren’t enough to solidify a relationship if someone has nothing more to offer. Yes, it’s true that there are some shallow people out there who’ll only go out with “beautiful” people, but if those people continue relationships based only on looks, they may find their partners displaying other negative qualities—and at that point they have sacrificed happiness for vanity. It does happen. Physical beauty alone is no foundation for a happy, healthy relationship.

You can find the other posts in the series: D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

©D.G.Kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes:
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Books by D.G. Kaye

One of the recent reviews for Have Bags Will Travel

marjorie mallon 5.0 out of 5 stars A fun travel/shopping memoir which will have you laughing Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 February 2021

I read this as part of #ireadcanadian., @ireadcanadian #nowmorethanever.

This is such a hoot, what a laugh! Have Bags Will Travel is such an entertaining read which gives you an insight into D G Kaye’s character, her shopping obsession, packing troubles, germaphobia, and brushes with airport security. Enjoy her recollections on the glamour and glitz, her love to travel and a nostalgic aspect to it all.

Her friend Zan shares her shopaholic tendencies too. The two of them together… can you imagine? A red head, blonde explosion of zaniness! I love the part when they end up at Buckingham Palace and chat to a Beefeater, the royal guard and after which… it gets funnier by the moment.

Have Bags Will Travel gives a historical account of how much easier it used to be to take overstuffed baggage through airports in the good old days. Now, it seems that D G Kaye will resort to anything to get her shopping home.
Zan and D G Kaye also travel to Paris and end up shopping for shoes!
There are manmade toboggan rides in Muskoka, Canada.
Trips to Venezuela: Margarita Island and Caracas with cousin Eileen.
Las Vegas, Then and Now – gambling/casinos, fond memories of the author’s love of the desert.

Have Bags Will Travel is just what we need right now, a good giggle! There is also a section at the back of the book with Helpful Travel tips. A short, entertaining read. Highly recommended, especially for the shopoholics and travel enthusiasts in your life!

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

 

My thanks to Debby for taking on the challenge of exploring the complexity of relationships, and sharing strategies to improve the way we manage those important to us. As always your feedback is very welcome and Debby will respond to you comments when she can. Thanks Sally

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – April 13th 2021 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Selective Hearing and Writing Humour


Welcome to laughter lines. We will be sharing some of our favourites from the archives over the next few weeks.

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s column here on Smorgasbord D.G. Kaye Explores the Realms of Relationships 2020

Now something from Sally. Wry Writing Humour

A writer comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is–”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

Pen names

Neither a Borrower ……………Nora Lender Bee
Holmes Does it Again ………..Scott Linyard
Cloning …………………………….Ima Dubble
Inflammation, Please ………….Arthur Itis
House Construction ……………Bill Jerome Home
Leo Tolstoy ……………………..Warren Peace
The French Chef ……………….Sue Flay
Why Cars Stop ………………….M. T. Tank

Aspirations

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for WordPress writing updates to the Classic Editor!


Thanks for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… Debby and Sally.