Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Naval Intelligence and Tell it to the Marines


My father served in the Royal Navy for 37 years plus an extra ten in a civilian capacity.  There were good natured jokes and rivalry between the senior service, army and Royal Air Force.  Here are a few that I have sourced from archives and various sites.

Signals

 During a naval exercise in the Mediterranean, a signaller rushed up to the bridge and said, ‘Captain, this message just came in.’

‘Read it out,’ said the captain.

‘Well, sir, I….’ the signalman stammered.

‘Just read it out man…now!’ snapped the captain.

‘Right, sir,’ said the signalman. ‘It reads: What the hell do you think you are doing, you stupid, blundering idiot? You’re not fit to be in command!’

‘Yes, well…’ said the captain. ‘Have that decoded at once.’

Enlistment

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son?” “My father said it’d be a good idea, sir.” “Oh? And what does your father do?” “He’s in the Army, sir.”

Trouble

A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink and says, “Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp.

The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, “Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts.”

The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch and demands a third drink ‘before the trouble starts.’

After several rounds of this, the bartender says, “Look Sailor, you’ve been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this ‘trouble’ going to start?”

The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. “The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don’t have any money.”

Old Ironsides

The USS Constitution, Old Ironsides, as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. However, let it be noted that according to her log:

“On July 22, 1798, the USS Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum.”

Her mission: “To destroy and harass English shipping.”

Making Jamaica on 6 October, 1798 she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum. Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November, 1798. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef, and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine. On 18 November, 1798 she set sail for England. In the ensuing days, she defeated five British men-of-war, and captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, 1799 her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed, she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of a single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then, she headed home.

The USS Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799 with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.

Overseas posting

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

“My love,” he wrote, “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted? ”

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, “why don’t you learn to play this?”

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. “Darling” he said, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!”

She kissed him and said, “First let’s see you play that harmonica.”

Tell it to the Marines.

An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a MARINE joke?”

The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6′ tall, 200 lbs, and I’m a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, weighs 225, and he’s a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6’5″ tall, weighs 250, and he’s also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?”

The Airman says, “Nah, I don’t want to have to explain it three times.”

 

Thanks for dropping in today and please feel free to share… Sally

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Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – A Summer Party, Music, Myths, Food, Great Books and Laughter…You are invited.


I never thought that I would say that I was grateful for some rain this last week.. but I am. Hopefully not too little, too late for farmers whose crops have stalled. It is a lovely afternoon and have been enjoying some sunshine.. so have my feather family who bring me constant amusement.

My best buy this summer was a metre square three inch seed tray that has become the swimming pool for a wide variety of birds. The bird bath and seed tree we bought last Christmas has also been inundated and preparing meals has never been so much fun. Sally’s Cafe and Bird Spa….

At times there are at least 50 or more birds on the feeder and in the baths with everyone joining in together. The starlings are very keen and spend ages in there splashing around, but until recently I had only seen the sparrows taking dust baths. Until this week when they have clearly picked up a few tricks from the starlings, and today there were little birds having a high old time since early morning and they are still at it now.

Normally when the crows come down the other birds scatter. The crows are not acrobatic enough to use the seeders as intended, so they have worked out another method. One stands on the metal ring and bangs his head on the seeders so that they scatter the seed on the ground below for his mates. However, like elegant pole dancers they can be found hanging upside down on the fat ball holder rocking back and forth as they try to get a morsel. They usually come in a group of rowdy teenagers, but we have got a crow who is rather bedraggled and skinny who started coming down on his own. Much to our surprise the starlings, sparrows and tits ignore him and hang around, and I even saw him in the pool with three starlings this morning.

The only bird who is not welcome is the sparrow hawk who sits on branches in the hedge and pounces on my babies… They are protected in Ireland, but there is nothing to say that I cannot come out and shout at him and wave my arms around like a mad woman. It seems to have discouraged him but my neighbour tells me it spends a lot of time in her garden.. ah well…

The Smorgasbord End of Summer Party Weekend 25th – 26th August

Thank you for such an amazing response.  There are four posts over the weekend with the themes Brunch, Afternoon Tea, Dinner on the Saturday and Sunday Lunch. I am delighted to say that 3 spaces left for Brunch, 1 space in the afternoon tea,  and 2 for Sunday Lunch. The details are in the post and if you would like to be promoted then please do so quickly…

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/09/smorgasbord-end-of-summer-party-weekend-august-25th-26th-2018-invitation/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – update and new promotional opportunities.

I have updated the directory with the blogger daily and other opportunities to promote authors in the cafe so please take a read.  Also in the second post.. how to put your books on the shelves for the first time.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/11/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-updated-free-book-promotion/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/12/27/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-updates-free-book-promotion/

Anyway on with the posts that you might have missed this week and as always a huge thank you for William Price King and Carol Taylor for supplying the music and the food this week, and to you for dropping by.

The Music Column with William Price King – Summer Jazz with Diana Krall

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/07/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-william-price-king-summer-jazz-diana-krall-part-three/

Writer in Residence rewind – Ionia by Paul Andruss.

I thought you might enjoy revisiting some of Paul’s ealier posts from the beginning of 2017 as he is on his extended break.. This week Ionia – Gods and Myths.

picture4

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/posts-from-the-archives-gods-and-legends-ionia-by-paul-andruss/

The Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor.

This week Carol makes good use of the spices she mixed last week to create some show stopping meals for the family.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/08/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-family-favourites-and-spices-in-action-part-two/

Getting to Know You.

Delighted to welcome children’s author, poet and master confectioner Robbie Cheadle as guest on the Getting to Know You interview. A very busy mum who works full-time but still finds time to write, blog, and support so many of us here.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/12/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-sunday-interview-getting-to-know-you-with-robbie-cheadle/

Personal Stuff

Beatrix is about to end her very long and successful theatre career but what lies beneath the mask?

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/11/smorgasbord-short-stories-whats-in-a-name-beatrix-behind-the-mask-by-sally-cronin/

From early man through to the current day, the birthright of one particular family is carried from generation to generation.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/12/smorgasbord-short-stories-whats-in-a-name-brian-the-birthright-by-sally-cronin/

Letters from America – 1985-1987 – My parent’s visit – Anniversary party and nearly lights out.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/09/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-my-parents-visit-rennaisance-festival-and-anniversary-party-and-nearly-lights-out/

Sally’s Drive Time Playlist – 1982 – Dionne Warwick and Survivor

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-to-get-your-weekend-started-1982blizzards-dionne-warwick-and-survivor/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/06/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-childrens-book-wheres-noodles-by-victoria-zigler/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/07/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-hammers-holy-grail-by-b-r-chitwood/

Author Updates #reviews

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/06/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-ali-whitelock-jim-webster-d-wallace-peach-and-terry-tyler/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/10/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-news-diana-j-febry-lorinda-j-taylor-and-john-w-howell/

Blogger Daily

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/06/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-reviewers-monday-august-4th-2018-robbie-cheadle-d-g-kaye-and-colleen-chesebro/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/07/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-and-reviewers-tuesday-7th-august-2018pirates-with-mary-tod-writing-with-deborah-jay-and-historical-review-with-olga-nunez-miret/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/08/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-wednesday-august-8th-2018-interviews-and-guest-posts-janice-spina-the-story-reading-ape-and-the-sisters-of-the-fey/

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/09/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-thursday-9th-august-2018-ani-zoe-lucy-bailey-and-twiggy/

Health Column

The components of our blood and Anaemia.

Picture1

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/07/smorgasbord-health-column-the-cardiovascular-system-and-the-components-of-blood-anaemia/

There has been a dramatic increase in cases of measles in some of the countries in Europe and there is a spike in the UK too. The most at risk are those with compromised immune systems and mothers-to-be and infants who have not been vaccinated.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/08/smorgasbord-health-column-measles-alert-for-mothers-to-be-infants-outbreak-europe-by-sally-cronin/

Nutrients the body needs – Phosphorus and bone health

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/08/smorgasbord-health-column-nutrients-the-body-needs-phosphorus-and-bone-health/

Humour and Afternoon Videos

More weird facts and trivia

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/07/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-or-in-this-case-how-to-be-a-know-it-all-weird-facts-and-statistics-part-five/

The last part of the weird facts and trivia

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/09/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-or-in-the-this-case-be-a-know-it-all-part-six-the-finale/

Thank you very much for spending time here today and for your support.. enjoy the week .. thanks Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – Tahini, August predictions and all that Jazz


Welcome to the round up of posts from the week you might have missed. The weather has been a little more variable over the last few days with a couple of days of decent rain which will please the farmers. Still not enough however to prevent a potential feed crisis as with the lack of growth in the fields, animals are having to be given feed that has been stored for next winter.  A very unusual situation for Ireland to be in.

I read today that the met office in the UK expects this level of heat to continue through to October. Whilst lovely for those who love bright sunny days, it does cause difficulties for not just farmer’s but the very young and elderly. There has been a spike in deaths in the last two months that is being blamed on the hot weather and so if you have an elderly relative or neighbour do check that they are staying hydrated. Unfortunately, they do tend to get into the habit of having their cups of tea and glasses of water at regular times irrespective of the weather. Under normal circumstances that can leave some of them with less fluid than they should be taking in, but in this kind of heat it can be dangerous.

August is a time when most summer holidays are enjoyed, so if you are heading out have an amazing time and look forward to hearing about your adventures in posts when you get back. We are staying put and to be honest, with the weather as it is, we are very happy to do so. The traveling to and fro to destinations seems to be more stressful than ever with airline pilot and air traffic control strikes, power outages and computer glitches due to the heat and traffic jams. Keep safe and take water and snacks!

My thanks of course to William Price King and Carol Taylor for their columns this week and to all of you who have been over and liked, commented and shared. It is always appreciated.

Here are the posts from the week.

The Music Column with William Price King – Part Two of the Diana Krall story

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/31/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-william-price-king-summer-jazz-diana-krall-part-two/

The Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/01/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-cookery-and-food-column-with-carol-taylor-fajita-spice-tahini-peanut-butter-hummus/

Posts from Your Archives

Carol Taylor shares more fascinating insights into life in Thailand and this week the art of making charcoal which is a primary cooking fuel.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-travel-thailand-down-on-the-farm-making-charcoal-by-carol-taylor/

Sunday Interview – Getting to Know You with author Janet Gogerty

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/05/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-getting-to-know-you-sunday-interview-author-janet-gogerty/

Esme’s August Forecast for your zodiac sign.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/01/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-esmes-august-forecast-after-the-eclipse/

Personal Stuff

Letters from America.. My parents arrive in Houston to great fanfare.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-my-parents-arrive-part-one-stetsons-yellow-roses-pappasitos-and-chi-chis/

I decided to participate in the Blue Sky Tag for a little light relief on Friday… and tag some more victims…

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/03/blue-sky-tag-time-for-a-little-fun-and-distraction-tgif/

Sally’s Drive Time #Music – 1981 – we settle into a chilly Welsh holiday cottage.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/03/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-to-get-your-weekend-started-1981-shakin-stevens-and-diana-ross/

What’s in a Name Volume One Short Stories

Anne – Favour and Grace

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/04/smorgasbord-short-stories-whats-in-a-name-anne-favour-and-grace-by-sally-cronin/

Alexander – Defender of Men

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/05/smorgasbord-short-stories-whats-in-a-name-alexander-defender-of-men-by-sally-cronin/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/31/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-book-on-the-shelves-kentucky-kernels-by-b-r-chitwood/

Author Update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/30/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-daniel-kemp-toni-pike-marcia-meara-and-gigi-sedlmayer/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/03/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-m-j-mallon-linda-g-hill-and-hl-carpenter/

Blogger Daily

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/30/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-monday-30th-july-2018-margot-kinberg-hugh-roberts-and-reviewer-linda-hill-book-bag/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/31/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-tuesday-31st-july-2018-sherri-matthews-review-by-alison-williams-and-changes-to-wordpress-facebook-automatic-linkage/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/01/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-wednesday-august-1st-2018travel-with-jacqui-murray-publishing-with-anne-r-allen-and-free-books-with-stevie-turner/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-thursday-august-2nd-2018-stress-busters-interview-opportunities-and-korean-movies/

Health Column

If you have a teenager going to college in September it is important that you check their meningitis vaccinations are up to date.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/30/smorgasbord-health-column-meningitis-alert-uk-and-us-university-and-college-students-this-autumn/

How your digestive system deals with a chicken sandwich to boost your immune system.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/30/smorgasbord-health-column-the-immune-system-and-a-chicken-sandwich/

If you are thinking of becoming Vegan or perhaps someone in your family, it is important to ensure that you are still obtaining all the nutrients you need to be healthy.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/31/smorgasbord-health-column-a-vegan-approach-to-nutrition-an-informed-choice-by-sally-cronin/

Nutrients the body needs – Potassium – High Blood Pressure and Adrenal Glands

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/01/smorgasbord-health-column-nutrients-the-body-needs-potassium-high-blood-pressure-adrenal-glands/

Eating Bacon and Cancer – two sides to the story.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/smorgasbord-health-column-eating-bacon-and-cancer-both-sides-to-the-story/

Humour and Afternoon Video

50 more weird facts

 

  • Polar bears are left-handed
  • Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
  • Mark Twain didn’t graduate from elementary school.
  • Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
  • Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/31/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-or-in-this-case-how-to-be-a-know-it-all-weird-facts-part-three/

50 more weird facts

 

  • Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
  • Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
  • The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
  • Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-or-in-this-case-be-a-know-it-all-trivia-part-four/

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – Summer Jazz, Noodles, Great Books and Mamma Mia!


Welcome to this week’s round up of posts you might have missed. After 9 weeks of glorious sunshine we have had two days of rain and for once it was welcome. The reservoirs will be receiving a top up and although we will have a few partly sunny days next week, there will be more to come.

This week of course there was the blood moon and there were some interesting facts around this particular eclipse that made it all the more disappointing to have thick cloud cover and not to be able to see it. However, the photos online were stunning.

Esme our resident astral forecaster, is going to be talking about it on Thursday when she gives her views on the upcoming month’s events.

The highlight of the week for me has to be going to the movies and my review for Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is under my personal stuff…. fantastic. Yesterday David and I went to see Mission Impossible: Fallout and that too was well worth going to see. Non-stop action and a danger of choking on your popcorn with some of the stunts. I will review next Saturday in full.

I am busy working on my next writing project having handed off Tales from the Irish Garden for some spit and polish. I will only be on social media from time to time although I have salted the blog with some of the usual posts and some humour.

Also now we have come to the end of Sam, A Shaggy Dog Story, I will be sharing Volume One of What’s in a Name? from next weekend. I hope you will enjoy.

As always a huge thank you for your continued support, it really is very much appreciated.

Here are the posts from the week and I hope you enjoy.

William Price King and the Music Column – Summer Jazz

William is on his usual summer break but we are sharing a previous series and this week part one of the Diana Krall story.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-william-price-king-summer-jazz-diana-krall-part-one/

The Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor

Carol Taylor outdid herself this week with some wonderful recipes that include noodles.. We tend to think of rice and Italian pasta to accompany our meals but noodles are wonderful and well worth exploring the various kinds available.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/25/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-thai-noodles/

Posts from Your Archives – Travel

And Carol Taylor also shares some of her travel experiences around her home of Thailand.. this week Heaven or Hell?

SAM_8924

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/26/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-travel-thailand-wat-baan-waeng-or-heaven-and-hell-by-carol-taylor/

Getting to Know You – The Sunday Interview with award-winning children’s author Janice Spina.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/29/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-sunday-interview-getting-to-know-you-with-janice-spina/

Personal Stuff

Something to Think About – Wills and Probate

This week I saw a newspaper article which follows on from this previous post, regarding the opportunity for banks and solicitors to benefit from your will and from those of your loved ones, leaving you possibly out of pocket for thousands of pounds.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/25/smorgasbord-something-to-think-about-wills-and-probate-read-the-small-print/

Letters from America – Our first trip to New York

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/26/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-have-a-nice-day-in-the-big-apple-by-sally-cronin/

Odd Jobs and Characters – Some of the jobs I left out of the blog tour. – Funeral director’s receptionist.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/smorgasbord-odd-jobs-and-characters-funeral-directors-receptionist-by-sally-cronin/

Drive Time Playlist – Music to get the weekend started – 1980 – ABBA and Dr. Hook

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-to-get-the-weekend-started-1980-divorce-whirlwind-romance-abba-and-dr-hook/

Film Review – Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/28/smorgasbord-film-reviews-mamma-mia-here-we-go-again-as-cheesy-as-you-like-but-brilliant/

The final part of Sam, A Shaggy Dog Story – Teeth Cleaning and Reflections on My Life.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/28/sam-a-shaggy-dog-story-chapter-fifteen-teeth-cleaning-and-reflections-on-my-life/

As Sam’s story has come to an end, here is a short story that I wrote for Annette Rochelle Aben and her family back in 2015 to celebrate Tales from the Garden being released.  The Time Capsule

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/29/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-short-stories-fantasy-the-time-capsule-by-sally-cronin/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/23/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-free-until-26th-july-the-desolate-garden-by-daniel-kemp/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-book-on-the-shelves-romance-sweetheart-cove-blue-haven-book-1-by-jacquie-biggar/

Author Update – Reviews – Three this week to catch up after the Summer Sale.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/23/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-diana-j-febry-mae-clair-and-linda-bradley/

Pure Trash Bette Stevens

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/25/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-kristina-stanley-bette-a-stevens-and-d-g-kaye/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-annette-rochelle-aben-janice-spina-n-a-granger-and-claire-fullerton/

Blogger Daily – a small selection of blog posts and book reviews I enjoyed during the week.

International Food and travel to Australia and Hong Kong.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/23/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-monday-23rd-july-2018-irene-arita-one-spoiled-cat-and-jill-dennison-international-food-and-travel/

History posts from Tony Riches, Sue Vincent and Brain Lageose.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-tuesday-24th-july-2018-history-tony-riches-sue-vincent-and-brian-lageose/

Christmas in July in South Africa, 8 Top adventures to experience in South Africa, and Fish and Chips in Australia.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/25/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-wednesday-25th-july-2018victoria-zigler-and-robbie-and-michael-cheadle-best-regards-from-far-and-rowena-of-beyond-the-flow/

Travel posts from Sri Lanka with the best experiences to be had and Iceland.. land of the Norsemen

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/26/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-thursday-26th-july-2018-sri-lanka-and-iceland-two-amazing-places-to-visit/

Health Column

Whilst our immune system is on high alert for dangers to our bodies, we need to meet it halfway at least and give it the right tools to do the job effectively. Eating a rubbish diet is not the way to go…nor is taking a handful of supplements!

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/23/smorgasbord-health-column-the-immune-system-your-role-in-protecting-the-body-from-a-virus/

However many ‘fad’ diets there are littering the Internet, you cannot get away from the fact that if you eat more than you expend in energy…. you put weight on.  I have compiled a fat accumulation table that demonstrates how little treats can add up over a year… and by halving the number you have can have a dramatic effect on your weight.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/26/smorgasbord-health-column-health-in-the-new-obesity-research-fat-accumulation-table-by-sally-cronin/

Some food hacks including Pineapple for bruises and dates and cheese to spice up your love life!

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/smorgasbord-health-column-pineapple-for-bruises-and-prunes-as-a-fat-substitute/

Humour and Afternoon Video

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/23/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-line-dancing-horse/

A re-run of some of the weird facts and statistics that almost seem unbelievable!!! But they might help you win that pub quiz.

  1. Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other color.
  2. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/24/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-or-in-this-case-be-a-know-it-all-part-one/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/25/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-there-he-was-sitting-on-a-bench-minding-his-own-business/

Part two of the Know it All series….

  1. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Super bowl.
  2. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League all-stars Game.
  3. What occurs more often in December than any other month? A. Conception.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/26/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-or-in-this-case-how-to-be-a-know-it-all-part-two/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-one-does-not-wish-to-be-touched-thank-you/

My thanks again for dropping in and for all your support.. see you again I hope.. thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – #Summer Foods, Reading and Book Sale


The Music Column with William Price King – Roberta Flack part three

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-william-price-king-summer-jazz-roberta-flack-part-three/

The Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor – Salads, Coleslaw and Potato cakes

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-food-and-cookery-column-with-carol-taylor-coleslaw-potato-salad-and-potato-cakes/

The Literary Column with Jessica Norrie – Summer Reads – Books for Beach and Garden

https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1441087673l/2807199.jpg

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/14/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-literary-column-too-darn-hot-books-for-beach-and-garden-by-jessica-norrie/

Posts from Your Archives – Travel – The Old City Dubrovnik, Croatia by Sherri Matthews

The Pearl of the Adriatic - Old City Dubrovnik taken as we approach from the road above. Look at that sea! (c) Sherri Matthews 2014

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-travel-the-streets-of-old-city-dubrovnik-by-sherri-matthews/

Getting to Know You – Sunday Interview with Traci Kenworth.

This week my guest is Traci Kenworth who is incredibly supportive of the blogging community and has regularly shared posts from here in her comprehensive blog post promotions. If you head over to her blog you will find several shared posts a day leading to some of our most interesting bloggers. She also has her own posts on blogging and writing tips.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/15/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-sunday-interview-getting-to-know-you-with-traci-kenworth/

Personal Stuff

Letters from America – Curry parties and booze buys

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-houston-1985-1987-curry-parties-and-booze-buys/

Odd Jobs and Characters – Some more of my career adventures – This week crystal glasses, car crash and meeting Sherlock Holmes

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/13/smorgasbord-odd-jobs-and-characters-car-crash-and-crystal-and-meeting-sherlock-holmes-by-sally-cronin/

Sally’s Drive Time Play list – 1978 – Gloria Gaynor and Bee Gees

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/13/sallys-drive-time-playlist-music-to-get-the-weekend-started-1978-gloria-gaynor-and-bee-gees/

Sam, A Shaggy Dog Story –

Sam, shares his thoughts on meeting other members of the family including my mother!

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/14/smorgasbord-sam-a-shaggy-dog-story-chapter-nine-and-ten-other-pack-members-and-respect-your-elders/

Sam shares his favourite walks in Ireland…

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/15/smorgasbord-sam-a-shaggy-dog-story-chapter-eleven-favourite-walks-in-ireland-by-sally-cronin/

 

Cafe and Bookstore New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/08/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-quest-of-the-brokenhearted-by-charles-e-yallowitz/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/09/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelvesabby-holly-school-dance-by-janice-spina/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-dead-dry-heart-psychological-thriller-by-toni-pike/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-victor-the-eden-east-ya-fantasy-novels-by-sacha-de-black/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-twisted-truth-a-peter-hatherall-mystery-by-diana-j-febry/

Cafe and Bookstore Summer Sale

Welcome toSummer Sale posts with discounted books by authors on the shelves of the Cafe and Bookstore with links to Amazon and Smashwords. There are two more sale posts scheduled for the  16th and 20th of July. As well as another FREE book post.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/09/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-summer-sale-brigid-p-gallagher-hugh-w-roberts-jacquie-biggar-and-victoria-zigler/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/13/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-summer-sale-99p-99c-children-ya-poetry-african-adventure-lucinda-e-clarke-darlene-foster-natalie-ducey-and-annette-rochelle-aben/

Blogger Daily and meet the Reviewers.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/09/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-monday-july-9th-2018jean-lee-marjorie-mallon-and-barb-taub/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-tuesday-10th-july-2018-sharon-marchisello-robbie-cheadle-and-billy-ray-chitwood/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-wednesday-11th-july-2018-don-massenzio-jacquie-biggar-and-dolly-aizenman/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-thursday-july-12th-2018-d-wallace-peach-sue-vincent-and-wendy-of-my-plaid-heart-scotland/

Health

Eating plan for the kidneys and the urinary tract

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/09/smorgasbord-health-column-eating-plan-for-healthy-kidneys-and-urinary-tract/

Summer eating snacks, dips, guacamole and salsa

tomatoes

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/smorgasbord-health-column-summer-eating-snacks-and-dips-guacamole-and-salsa/

Nutrients the body needs Manganese – asthma, diabetes, heart disease

cannelinni beans

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/smorgasbord-health-column-nutrients-the-body-needs-manganese-asthma-diabetes-heart-disease-osteoporosis-mental-health/

Recall of frozen mixed vegetables containing sweetcorn – Home brands – due to Listeria contamination

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/13/smorgasbord-health-column-recall-for-over-50-brands-of-frozen-sweetcorn-over-listeria-contamination-check-your-freezer/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/09/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-the-squirrel-baffler/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/10/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-images-to-make-you-smile-and-a-joke/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-dogs-making-us-laugh/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/12/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-images-to-make-you-smile-and-a-joke-2/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/13/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-chickens-with-a-sense-of-humour-and-entitlement/

I hope you have enjoyed the week and thank you so much for all the support you have offered. Always enjoy receiving your comments.. thanks Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – #Images to make you smile and a Joke!


Over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing some of the funny images that I have accumulated in my laughter folders…..with the old snippet from the jokes file.

And the last word…..

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

“Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient. “You see, I seem to be getting forgetful.  No, it’s actually worse than that. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there — if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?”

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tones, “Pay me in advance.”

Hope you have enjoyed the smiles.. and please feel free to pass them on… thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – #Images to Make you Smile – and a joke!


Over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing some of the funny images that I have accumulated in my laughter folders…..with the old snippet from the jokes file.

And the last word…..

A nutritionist was addressing a large audience. “The food that we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake”

Hope you have enjoyed the smiles.. and please feel free to pass them on… thanks Sally.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – Roberta Flack, Roses, Bacon, Cruise Ship Tips, Jersey and a whole bunch of other stuff!!


The Music Column with William Price King – Roberta Flack – Part Two.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/03/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-music-column-william-price-king-summer-jazz-roberta-flack-part-two/

The Gardening Column with Paul Andruss

This month a look at the history, myths and truths behind one of the most popular flowers in the world. The Rose.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/06/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-garden-column-with-paul-andruss-only-a-rose/

The Food and Cookery Column with Carol Taylor

There are not many of us who don’t love a piece of crispy bacon or tender boiled ham, and this week Carol shows us how to cure our own bacon and prepare ham for our summer salads.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/04/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-cookery-and-food-column-with-carol-taylor-home-cured-ham-and-bacon/

The Travel Column with D.G. Kaye – Cruise Ships – Part Two – Ship Tips

This week Debby shares her insider knowledge about dining, tipping, excursions and shopping. Invaluable advice before you take that cruise.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/02/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-travel-column-with-d-g-kaye-cruises-part-two-ship-tips/

Getting to Know You – Sunday Interview with Darlene Foster.

Darlene shares a favourite childhood song, an action hero she would like to be, something that she could never learn….you will be surprised considering the number of books that she writes! And the animal she would like to have a conversation with..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/08/smorgasbord-blog-magazine-the-sunday-interview-getting-to-know-you-with-darlene-foster/

Travel Posts from Your Archives Sherri Matthews – A Tour of Jersey and the history of the island during World War Two.

Corbiere Lighthouse, Jersey (c) Sherri Matthews 2015

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/smorgasbord-posts-from-your-archives-travel-jersey-occupation-liberation-celebration-by-sherri-matthews/

Personal Stuff

Sam, A Shaggy Dog Story Serialisation

Chapter Seven – Snow and Favourite Things.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/07/smorgasbord-sam-a-shaggy-dog-story-chapter-seven-snow-and-favourite-things/

Chapter Eight – Language

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/08/smorgasbord-sam-a-shaggy-dog-story-chapter-eight-language/

Odd Jobs and Characters – Department manager for a store leads to crime solving!

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/06/smorgasbord-posts-from-my-archives-odd-jobs-and-characters-fashion-department-manager-and-shop-lifters-by-sally-cronin/

Letters from America – 1985- 1987 – Hawaii

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/smorgasbord-letters-from-america-1985-1987-hawaii-part-two-molakai-mules-hanauma-bay-and-knitted-bathing-suits/

Poetry and Haiku

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/07/smorgasbord-poetry-haiku-tree-stumps/

Sally’s Drive Time and Playlist

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/06/sallys-drive-time-play-list-music-to-get-the-weekend-started-1977-kenny-rogers-and-status-quo/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/02/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-timeless-echoes-poetry-by-balroop-singh/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/04/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-bubbas-tails-by-patty-l-fletcher-and-king-campbell/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/03/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-the-ghost-in-the-gardens-a-flower-girl-mystery-by-hl-carpenter/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-family-drama-gold-plated-by-christine-campbell/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/07/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-family-drama-a-marriage-of-convenience-by-stevie-turner/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/08/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-quest-of-the-brokenhearted-by-charles-e-yallowitz/

Author updated reviews

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/02/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-reviews-c-s-boyack-karen-ingalls-and-sally-cronin/

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/06/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-claire-fullerton-judy-penz-sheluk-and-darlene-foster/

The Blogger Daily and Meet the Reviewers.

Cathy Ryan

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/02/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-and-meet-the-reviewers-cathy-ryan-sue-coletta-and-iona-jenkins/

 

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/03/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-and-meet-the-reviewers-georgia-rose-cheche-winnie-and-jenny-fitzkee/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/04/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-and-meet-the-reviewers-july-4th-2018-pen-paws-and-claws-the-story-reading-ape-and-jill-dennison/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-and-meet-the-reviewersolga-nunez-miret-darlene-foster-and-thom-hickey/

Health Column

Magnesium is one of the minerals that is likely to be deficient with a resulting long list of health problems.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/04/smorgasbord-health-column-nutrients-the-body-needs-magnesium-deficiency-alert/

Often mis-diagnosed Interstitial cystitis is difficult to treat.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/03/smorgasbord-health-column-the-kidneys-and-urinary-tract-bacterial-and-interstitial-cystitis/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/02/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-animals-at-play-cats-and-bowling-and-high-jump/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/03/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-some-things-are-not-as-they-seem-jokes/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/04/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-animals-at-play-cows-let-out-at-the-end-of-winter/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/05/smorgasbord-laughter-lines-guest-comedian-and-egyptian-mummies-vaseline-and-engineers/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2018/07/06/smorgasbord-afternoon-video-animals-at-play-cats-and-video-games/

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Guest Comedian and Egyptian Mummies, Vaseline and Engineers!


Guest Comedian.

Delighted that Linda Bethea responded to my invitation to share some of her favourite jokes with us and she has kindly contributed the first two.. If you have some you would like to contribute with a credit… then please email sally.cronin@moyhill.com

Linda is an author in the bookstore

Linda Bethea, Buy: https://www.amazon.com/Linda-Swain-Bethea/e/B01N5HA5C1
Blog: https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/

Linda bethea two51qb8fm4dqL._AC_US240_QL65_

The crowds had been packing the traveling tent revival every night that week, grateful offerings filling the pockets of the evangelist. Cure after cure was enacted in the sweltering heat of those July evenings. Emotions were at an all time high on the last night as the last two afflicted souls reached the evangelist at the front of the tent.

Struggling up the steps on her crutches poor Mrs. Smith hobbled up to the evangelist. “Heal me! I haven’t been able to walk without crutches in twenty years.”

“Yes, Sister! You will be healed! Go behind that curtain and wait with the others waiting for healing.” Mrs. Smith slowly and painfully made her way behind the curtain.

Johnny Jones was the last in line. “I have a lifth. It hath made my life awful. Pleath heal me of my lifth!”

“Yes, Brother! You will be healed! Go behind the curtain with all the others and you will all be healed at once.”

The evangelist offered up a long, heartfelt prayer for healing. Weeping could be heard all over the tent. Finally, he concluded, calling out dramatically. “Mrs. Smith, you haven’t been able to walk without crutches for twenty years, have you?”

“No, Lord!” she replied from behind the curtain.

“You are healed! Throw your right crutch over the curtain.” Her right crutch flew over the curtain and clattered on the floor. “Now throw your left crutch over the curtain.” The left crutch followed.

Thunderous “Amens!” echoed all over the tent.

“Johnny Jones, you are healed of your lisp. Call out to us in a loud, clear voice so all can hear!” demanded the evangelist!

“Mithuth Thmith just fell on her ath!”

And Linda hubby’s favorite:

Two Englishmen met in the pub one evening.
“I’m sorry to hear you buried your wife,” said the first.

“Had to,” answered the other. “Dead, you know.”

Thanks Linda…and you will find a great deal more humour over on her website: https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/

Now from the resident comedian!

 

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious museum.

“I’ve just found a 3,000 year old mummy,” said the archaeologist. “It’s a man who died of heart failure.”

“Bring it in,” said the curator. “We’ll check it out.”

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were exactly right about the mummy’s age and cause of death,” he said. “How in the world did you know?”

“Easy,” the archaeologist replied. “He was holding a piece of papyrus that said ‘10,000 shekels on Goliath.’”

A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”

She says, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

“And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?”

“We use it when make love.”

The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, “Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?”

The woman says, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out.”

During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, “Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse”

Help yourself to a pupcake on your way out.. take two if you hit a share button…..thanks Sally