Time for some Laffs – From around the usual haunts


laffs

Some more jokes from my email files and the archives.. Enjoy

Marriage Counseling

A husband and wife are having major problems after 15 years of marriage, so they go to a counsellor.

The counsellor asks them what the problem is. The wife launches into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they’ve been married. She goes on and on and on.

Finally, the counsellor gets up, walks around the desk, embraces the wife and kisses her very passionately. The woman shuts up and stares at him quietly in a daze.

The counsellor then turns to the husband and says, “Your wife is lonely. This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thinks for a moment and replies, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but Tuesdays I play poker, Thursdays I go bowling, and Fridays I go sailing. Do you work Saturdays?”

Nymphomaniacs Conference

A man seated next to a beautiful woman on a plane. Eager to start a conversation, he asks”Business trip or holiday?”.

She smiles dazzlingly and tells him.” Business, I’m on my way to the annual nymphomanic conference in New York”

Trying to stay cool, the man asks “What’s your role at the conference?”

“Lecturer,” she says, I use my experience to debunk some of the myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” the man asks. And what are those?.

The beautiful woman explains “One is that African men are the most well endowed, when in fact it is the American Indian. Another is that French men are the best lovers when actually it’s the Greeks and I have also found the men most likely to impress in both  categories are the Irish”.

“Blushing she added I’m sorry I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name”.

“Tonto” the man replied. “Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.

A widow’s grief

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any
last requests?”

“Aye, That he did, Father…”

“And what did he say?”

“He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down that damn gun…”

It’s all in the maths

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….”

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”

The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.” “And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.

“Yes,” he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”

The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”

The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?”

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

Gone Fishing.

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise.”

The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”

Out of the mouths of babes

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him

“How do you expect to get into Heaven?

“The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

And to finish off a cat who is really getting into this televised boxing match.  Thanks for dropping by and don’t forget to pass the smiles on.. thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Round up – Eagles, Irish Fairies, Opera and thrills and spills.


round-up

Welcome to this week’s round-up of posts you might have missed. It has been a fairly busy week as I prepare for the new series of interviews beginning in March and I am thrilled with the response. Twenty five talented authors, poets, musicians and other creative people have come forward to take part in either Book Reading at the Bookstore or The Creative Artist Interview.

Whilst there are some set questions there are also three personalised questions that I am including in each interview so as you can imagine I am taking my time with that. I hope to have them all out by Monday… It looks like I may go to two posts a week to make sure that nobody is hanging around for weeks waiting for their interview to go live. That being the case if you have not already volunteered.. here is the link which includes the format for the interviews.

Here are all the new promotional opportunities, with something for everyone, all on one page.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/smorgasbord-free-author-and-blogger-promotion-2017/

On the subject of promotions.

On the 21st I am off on a girls week with my two sisters to celebrate our three birthdays that are all in February. I will be taking a break from writing posts for the blog but the blog will be handed over to some fabulous and talented members of the blogging community who will be filling in for me in my absence.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/08/a-little-blog-sitting-requested-february-21st-28th-part-time-position/

I have no worries about leaving the blog for the week to fend for itself but I thought it was another promotional opportunity for you all. As well as the guest post.. I will make sure to top and tail with an intro, feature books, blog, art etc as well as links. Definitely good for the blog and perhaps a little boost for you. Especially as I will not be doing the usual book promotions that week.

If you would like to apply for the job of part-time blog sitter please come back to me by Thursday so that I can get it scheduled in time.

As always I am hugely grateful for your wonderful support, comments, shares and motivation. ♥♥

Enough of the mushy stuff.. and on with the posts from the week…..

Classical music with William Price King

William and his music

So pleased that so many of you are enjoying the last in the classical music series and the story of American soprano Leontyne Price. This week a look at her performances in the 1950s and the bigotry that she endured in her early career.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/08/classical-music-with-william-price-king-leontyne-price-part-two-star-on-the-rise-2/

Weekly Image and Haiku

I am so lucky to have some wonderful co-hosts on occasion for the blog and one post this week seemed to touch the hearts of many of you. Wayne Barnes of Tofino Photographs has been a blogging friend for the last three years and he sent me some recent photographs of the eagles Romeo and Juliette.. he very kindly agreed to let me use one of the images for this week’s Haiku.. You can see the full sized version in the post.

together-for-lifehttps://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/11/weekly-image-and-haiku-together-for-life/

Short Story – After the Festival 

Another collaboration with illustrator Donata Zawdska with After the Festival. I was very privileged to be able to use the artwork for my short story..a new one from my upcoming Tales from the Irish Garden later in the year.. I hope you enjoy.

after-the-festival-1https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/smorgasbord-short-story-tales-from-the-irish-garden-after-the-festival-illustrated-by-donata-zawadzka/

The new interview series if you missed them last week.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/04/new-series-sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-book-reading-and-interview/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/05/new-series-smorgasbord-creative-artist-interview-musicians-bloggers-artists-photographers/

Book Promotions

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore New on the Shelves

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-wind-follower-by-carole-mcdonnell/

copertina_inglese_the_annwyns_secret

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-the-annwyns-secret-by-claudine-giovannoni/

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/08/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-frank-immersed-a-frank-rozzani-detective-novel-frank-rozzani-detective-novels-book-5-by-don-massenzio/

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/09/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-the-golden-age-of-charli-rsvp-by-jena-c-henry/

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-the-sleeping-serpent-by-luna-saint-claire/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – Author Update

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-teri-polen-colleen-chesebro-and-sally-cronin/

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-amy-m-reade-olga-nunez-miret-and-gigi-sedlemayer/

Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – Another 25 bloggers promoted this week.

If you would like to be included in the Blogger Daily then just leave a link to your most recent post in the comments section of the round up today..

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-6th-february-2017-welsh-chapels-interviews-celebrating-books-and-angry-bird/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-7th-february-2017-share-buttons-reviews-crime-settings-poetry-and-octopus/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/08/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-8th-february-2017-dr-dolittle-the-turin-shroud-sexism-politics-and-emotional-beats/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/09/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-9th-february-2017-smoking-dickens-leftovers-water-shortages-and-childrens-illustrations/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-10th-february-2017-multi-culturism-drinking-war-correspondent-snow-cream-and-dog-rescue/

Smorgasbord Health – series Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

seasonal-affective-disorderhttps://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-the-annwyns-secret-by-claudine-giovannoni/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/10/smorgasbord-health-seasonal-affective-disorder-part-two-vitamin-d-the-sunshine-vitamin/

Smorgasbord health – A – Z of Common Conditions – Lung Cancer.

smorgasbord healthhttps://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/09/the-lungs-part-five-smoking-and-lungcancer/

Humour and Afternoon Video

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https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/07/time-for-some-laffs-and-some-cat-and-dog-views-on-life/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/02/09/time-for-some-laffs-from-around-the-usual-haunts/

That is it for another week on Smorgasbord.. Couldn’t do it without you.. Please remember that it saves me time if you volunteer your news about new book releases, fantastic reviews or share your blog post link.. Help me share your work.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.  Thanks Sally

Time for some laffs – From around the usual haunts


laffs

There have been quite a few emails and jokes posted online this week.. perhaps people are now seeing the funny side of things.. or not.. Perhaps they just need to have some laughter in their lives for a change.. Anyway here are some I found were a tonic.

The first two were shared by Bill Wolak on Facebook.

Engineers!

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

The Cow from Sicily

The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Sicily.

It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr. Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening and to ask his advice.

“Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.”

The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily.

“You are truly a wise veterinarian,” they said. “How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes and says, “My wife is from Sicily.”

And here is one from Frank Reeder Scheer also on Facebook.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A.

From the archives – Tess Karlinski.

A nun and a tax driver

A taxi driver picked up a nun. She noticed him watching in the rearview mirror after she got into the back seat. “Is something bothering you, my son?”

“I’m sorry, Sister. I’d rather not say.”

“Go on. I may be a nun, but I’ve heard a lot of things in my time.”

“I’ve had this fantasy, Sister, my whole life, of kissing a nun.”

“That’s alright, son. I can oblige, but I have two conditions. You must be Catholic and unmarried.

“I’m both of those, Sister.”

“Pull in there son.” She pointed to an alley.

Ten minutes later, they came out. The nun noticed the driver crying. “What is it, my son?”

“I lied, sister. I’m not Catholic; I’m Jewish and I’m married.”

“That’s alright, my son. I’m Kevin, and I’m going to a fancy dress party.”

Taxi Driver’s First Day on the Job – Lynn Griffiths

During a ride in a taxicab, the passenger touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his passenger and apologized. He said, “Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse”.

I Think You are the Father of One of My Kids – Chris Holmes

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello.

He’s rather taken aback, because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says,

“Do you Know me?”

To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me so excited I had to lay you right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us???”

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, “No, actually I’m your son’s math teacher.”

And just in case I don’t say it enough —

Time for some laffs and some cat and dog views on life.


laffs

Mrs T and I have collaborated today on some cat and dog laffs and philosophies.. Cats and dogs do tend to differ in their approach to life but there is no doubt that both give us the love we deserve… which is why it is an excellent idea to be loving and kind to them.

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And some of the differences between cats and dogs are demonstrated in this short ‘How to’ video that always makes me laugh.

Enjoy the rest of the day and thanks to Mrs T. for sharing her sense of humour today.

Pass the laffs on.. thanks Sally

Time for some Laffs – Life span, Speeding and Highway to Hell.


amy-pacifico-cecil

On the 1st Day…

On the first day God created the cow. God said, “You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I’ll give back the other forty.” And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

And the dog said, “That’s too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I’ll give back the other ten.” So God agreed.

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I’ll give you a twenty year life span.”

The Monkey said, “How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don’t think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that’s what I’ll do too, okay?” And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, “Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy. I’ll give you twenty years.”

Man said, “What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I’ll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You’ve got a deal.”

So…. that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

toya-richardson

An elderly lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer : Ma’am, you were speeding.
Oh, I see.

Officer : Can I see your license please?
I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer : Don’t have one?
Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer : I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
I can’t do that.

Officer : Why not?
 I stole this car.

Officer : Stole it?
Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer : You what?
His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!   The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Is there a problem sir?

Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Murdered the owner?

Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer2 : Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

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Travel in Transylvania

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

“Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Marilyn. “What shall we do?”

“Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,” says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. “What shall I do now?” she
shouts.

“Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican,” says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer.

Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

“Now what?” shouts Sister Marilyn.

“Show him your cross,” says Sister Helen.

“Now you’re talking,” says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and shouts, “Get the hell off our car!”

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Hope you have enjoyed a chuckle or two.. please feel free to pass on.. I cannot claim ownership just a temporary custodianship!  Thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Health – Why laughter really is the best medicine…


Smorgasbord Health 2017

In the last week I looked at some of our hard-wired changes to our body, brain and emotions. How we feel is critical to our overall well being and there have been a number of studies into the effect of laughter on our health. One of the organs that benefits the most is actually our brain.

Holding onto your marbles.

It is very important that as well as feeding the brain nutrients and supplying healthy fats, oxygen and fluids, you provide it with stimulation.

One of the causes of dementia is lack of stimulation. Visual, aural, verbal. For elderly people the world begins to shrink back until they are probably restricted in movement within a small space with perhaps just the television or radio for company. Even with the Television you will find that eventually there will only be one or two channels watched with the news and soap operas and Midsummer murders!

This is why any social interaction is so important as we get older. For most, not all, our natural instinct is to recede to a safe zone but those who do stay in the world and continue to laugh, enjoy new music, movies, plays and group activities, stay mentally and physically healthier.

Laughter is universal – every culture will have its particular funny bone that others would not see the point of, but put most of us in a room with other nationalities and eventually someone will start us off. It might be a stand-up comedian in front of a packed theatre – or it might be round the dinner table after a couple of glasses of good wine.

Children have a natural ability to laugh from a very early age – they are not afraid to express themselves – they do not have years of conditioning about what is appropriate or not. I remember getting a fit of the giggles at my mother’s funeral – imagining her reactions to the proceedings. I only managed to hang onto my decorum by severely grasping my husband’s left thigh in a death grip which to onlookers might have looked equally inappropriate!

There are actually laughter clubs around the world where people gather and start a voluntary laughter cycle rather than a spontaneous one. No humour or jokes involved, just a steady Ha,ha,ha. Hasyayoga is performed in groups with eye contact and you will be surprised how soon the deliberate laughter turns into the infectious kind we are used to in a crowd. The belief is that forced laughter holds the same benefits as the naturally occurring variety.

Health benefits of laughter.

When we laugh we tend to increase our rate of breathing inhaling more oxygen which gets pumped into our bodies filling us with energy and at the same time reducing stress.

As we laugh heartily, nearly all of the 400 muscles in the body will come into play, which is a form of internal aerobics.

If you laugh throughout an hour-long comedy show, or at someone’s jokes, you will use up 500 calories.

The act of laughing causes our blood vessels to dilate reducing blood pressure and stimulates the production of more T-cells in our immune system helping us to fight infections.

Laughing releases endorphins and neuropeptides into the bloodstream which have a number of measurable effects on us. These either act as painkillers or improve your mood.

The types of problems that seem to respond well to laughter therapy are stress, asthma, arthritis, insomnia, depression, frequent infections and recovery from cancer.

Laughing with others strengthens social bonds, attracts people with similar senses of humour, helps relieve tensions in relationships and illustrates a level of trust where you are willing to share something trivial or amusing with another. Laughter is as contagious as a cold or flu and there is actually something very satisfying about reducing someone to tears with laughter.

So it strengthens your immune system, increases your cardiovascular flexibility, makes you think clearly, improves your mood, releases stress, relieves pain, lowers your blood pressure, boosts the entire body and if it is shared with a friend doubles the effects.

There is no doubt that attitude does make a huge difference when you are battling a serious illness and laughter plays a major part in turning infusing the body with a positive energetic and healing environment.

And this is the way to do it…

Time for some Laffs.. or groans.. It is Pun Day


laffs

Puns are the groaners of humour.. try telling a few….Thanks to Mrs T for sending through a great selection to add to the groans.

Who Thinks Up This Stuff?

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Typo.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, they barium.

I’m reading a book about antigravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro… What a rip off!

Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

On the Medical Front

Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.’

There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.

He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.

Sporty?

My skiing skills are really going downhill

I’m not a big fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.

My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve.. He kept returning it

What do say to an impatient Jockey? Hold your horses.

I think there are about 1 to 2 million baseball fields in the world but that is just a ballpark number.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

And to end I am adding these guys because they are stars……

I hope these have raised a few smiles rather than groans.. pass them on and find out who your real friends really are!!!  Thanks for stopping by… Sally

Blogger Daily – 24th January 2017 – Pizza, Horror, Weather Bunnies, and Author Etiquette!


Smorgasbord Blogger DailyWelcome to Blogger Daily with a small selection of the posts I have read in the last day or so. Please leave a link to your latest post in the comments section if you would like it shared.

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To begin with today… a post from Linda Bethea who turns the humble pizza into a family saga… there is a conspiracy afoot….

‘I suspect there is a new pyramid scheme starting, a plot to fatten. It’s diabolical. A friend was given a box of seventy-five pizzas from one of those gigantic superstores. That is neither a typo nor exaggeration. She wagged it home, split it into three separate bundles and put them in the freezer. Her twenty-year-old son still lives at home. He was on that pizza like a dog on a bone, joyously heaping those basic pizzas with every added topping he could ferret out, extra cheese, mushroom, sausage, hotdogs, hamburger, and extra sauce.’

Read on about who else dived into the Pizza….https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2017/01/24/pizza-love/

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Time for a little horror courtesy of David Watson who is part of the team over at Horror Addicts blog.. Zombies, ghosts and anything that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end!!! This post is a review of Dead over Heels by Theresa Braun…

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‘Veronica is looking for true love, it hasn’t been easy and now she thinks using a little magic may help. It works in the form of Sebastian and they hit it off instantly. Their first date is in a haunted restaurant and as luck would have it their romantic dinner is the scene of a supernatural encounter. They notice a young couple dining, but no one else does, and Veronica along with an apprehensive Sebastian decides to investigate further. They discover that they have a connection to the couple in question and they may be the only ones who can set the ghosts free.’

Read David’s review: https://horroraddicts.wordpress.com/2017/01/24/davids-haunted-library-dead-over-heels/

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We have learned over the years to take weather forecasters with a pinch of salt (or a bag full if they predict ice) but there have been some monumental fails… admittedly with all the satellites in space not too bad recently.. We had just arrived back from Texas and were back in London.. The BBC weather reported some wind but did not mention it would be a full scale hurricane.. I climbed over trees to reach my office as it was my first day in my new job… no-one else made it in that day and I ended up manning the phones and selling car advert.. on job training.. Anyway.. John Kraft has his own reservations about weather forecasting including that of their local weather bunny…

ICE? WHAT ICE? I DON’T SEE NO ICE.

‘I take that back – I see ice in my coffee, but there is no ice on the roads or on my windshield. I’m not complaining mind you. In fact, I am doing my Happy Dance – big time.

For the last week the Weather Bunny on Channel Two has been predicting that Terre Haute (That’s French for “What’s that floating in the Wabash?”) was going to be hit with several days worth of ice storms, Sleet, Freezing Rain and NCAA Athletes. I don’t mind the athletes, but the ice, sleet and freezing rain I can do without.’

Read the rest of this very entertaining post: https://johnkraft.wordpress.com/2017/01/24/were-doomed-whats-for-lunch/

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Another review, this time by Teri Polen for The Devil Crept In by Ania Ahlborn scheduled for release on February 7th… a dark and twisted horror mystery…

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‘Young Jude Brighton has been missing for three days, and while the search for him is in full swing in the small town of Deer Valley, Oregon, the locals are starting to lose hope. They’re well aware that the first forty-eight hours are critical and after that, the odds usually point to a worst-case scenario. And despite Stevie Clark’s youth, he knows that, too; he’s seen the cop shows. He knows what each ticking moment may mean for Jude, his cousin and best friend.’

Read the rest of the blurb and the review: https://teripolen.com/2017/01/24/the-devil-crept-in-by-ania-ahlborn-bookreview-tuesdaybookblog/

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Finally today a post from publisher and author Susan Toy who has helped a huge number of  Indies be noticed on her Reading Recommendations (myself included).  Susan’s title today is Author’s Continuing to behave badly…You will also find two posts from 2014 relating to the same topic and they are worth reading too.. As someone who promotes authors and blogs I have found that the vast majority are great at participating, responding to comments made by people who have taken time to give their feedback and reciprocate in kind.

Each post that a blogger puts together for an author, especially if it is just from links takes anything from 30 minutes to an hour to gather images and text, format and post which is why there are submission guidelines. These should always be read and followed so that a promotion of a book gets the best possible showcase. Anyway here is an excerpt from Susan’s post and well worth a read before you approach anyone for a promotion…

It seems to be time – again! – to remind some “authors” out there how they should be conducting themselves in the world of promoting their books. Not everyone has bad manners, but there are enough who make it difficult for the rest of us who DO abide by those guidelines and rules and maintain decent behaviour.

This need to reiterate what I’ve railed on about before here came about after a reviewer posted this poem to her own blog – a poem that was actually a cry for help and an oblique explanation of how she’d been treated recently by indie authors she had set herself up to help promote. I reblogged her poem here then wrote to the reviewer directly to tell her I understood what she was going through.

Fortunately, this reviewer’s experience has had a happy (!) ending, or at least her problem has been resolved somewhat, to the point that she posted a follow-up poem this morning on her own blog.

I knew I’d addressed this subject of “Authors Behaving Badly” before, so I typed those words into my blog’s search thingie and found the following two posts written one after the other in Dec. 2014.

So here, for the benefit of Happymeerkatreviews and those authors who continue to behave badly when approaching reviewers and other promoters, are the two posts:

Connect to the two posts and read onhttps://islandeditions.wordpress.com/2017/01/22/authors-continuing-to-behave-badly/

I hope you will find these posts interesting and I know the bloggers would value your feedback. I would love to showcase your latest post so please put the link in the comments section.  thanks Sally