Smorgasbord Laughter Academy Archives – Doctors, Dentists, Driving and Double Glazing


 

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.” (This one is dear to my heart)

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

 

At the Dentist.

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novacaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear

‘Open Wider,’ requested the dentist as he began his examination.

‘Good heavens,’ he said astonished. ‘You have the biggest cavity I have ever seen – the biggest cavity I’ve ever seen.

‘Ok no need to rub it in by repeating yourself.’ said the patient. ‘I am scared enough as it is.’

‘I’m not repeating myself,’ replied the dentist. ‘That was the echo.’

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car.

Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again. They went right though it. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red and was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, the light was definitely red, and sure enough, they went right through again. She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!” Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh my, am I driving?”

Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double pane, energy efficient kind.

But this week, I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy, oh boy, did we go around!

Just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.

So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year.
He said that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up, and he hasn’t called back.
Guess he was embarrassed.

Thanks for dropping by and if you have a joke that you would like to share with full credit, then please email me sally.cronin@moyhill.com thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Tony Bennett, new releases, reviews and series


Welcome to the weekly round up from blustery and very wet Wexford. Hopefully just a short reminder of the fact we are not in control of our fate or the weather and that the sun will be out again before the end of summer.

I have been at the computer most of the week getting ready for the release of my book on Friday.. more about that in the posts. But as always I have made time for one of the most important jobs of the day… reading other writer’s blogs and posting my own.

My thanks to my guests this week.. even those who are absent. William will be back in September with a new series and hopefully he is on the receiving end of better weather.

My thanks to Julie Lawford who will be making a regular weekly contribution with lifestyle posts through the summer and her previous posts can be found here.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/guest-writer-julie-lawford-health-and-weightloss/

Also this week the reposting of a very important article from author John Maberry with his story of prostate cancer and the symptoms to be aware of. He also outlines some of the treatment options.

WordPress happiness Engineers appear to have been messing around with the media settings again and I am now unable to centre multiple images which used to happen with one click… I do wish they would pay attention to the old adage.. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. I have not wasted my breath contacting them.. after all they know best.

Anyway on with the posts you might have missed and thank you again for your contribution to keeping me motivated.

William Price King a man and his music

William is on an extended break until September and I will be repeating the popular Tony Bennett Series from 2015.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/smorgasbord-summer-jazz-2017-william-price-king-meets-tony-bennett-2/

Horatio Grin.

Reminder that you can receive Fairies the Hidden History by Horation Grin (Paul Andruss) FREE as an Epub or pdf.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/29/free-book-fairies-the-hidden-history-by-horatio-grin/

The Black Bitch and other Tales by Geoff Cronin

The last in the serialisation of The Black Bitch with Geoff’s last book beginning next weekend.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/29/the-black-bitch-and-other-tales-street-musicians-and-snippets/

A shaggy dog story from Geoff about Pavarotti and one his most devoted fans.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/30/a-pavrotti-fan-achieves-his-dream-of-a-lifetime-as-told-by-geoff-cronin/

Guest Posts

John Maberry shares his experiences with prostate cancer, the symptoms and the treatments.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/24/smorgasbord-health-2017-prostate-problems-and-guest-post-psa-tests-yes-or-no-by-john-maberry/

Julie Lawford shares how positive affirmations can bring huge benefits physically and mentally.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/27/smorgasbord-guest-post-the-power-of-postitive-affirmations-by-julie-lawford/

Book Promotions.

I have just released Volume Two of What’s in a Name? in Ebook with the combined print version available in a few weeks.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/28/smorgasbord-book-promotion-whats-in-a-name-volume-two-by-sally-cronin/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/24/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-update-balroop-singh-and-christina-steiner/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/28/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-tina-frisco-bette-a-stevens-and-sue-coletta/

New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/25/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-hippies-by-gary-gautier/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-beyond-the-pyre-by-steve-costello/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/28/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-a-charlie-mcclung-mystery-flirting-with-time-by-mary-anne-edwards/

Air Your Reviews

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/25/smorgasbord-book-promotion-air-your-reviews-jason-b-ladd-and-deanie-humphrys-dunne/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/27/smorgasbord-invitation-air-you-reviews-throwback-thursday-gigi-sedlmayer-pamela-s-wight-and-sally-cronin/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/29/bookreview-a-little-bit-of-sally-cronin/

Smorgasbord Reblog posts.

An important message from D.G. Kaye… Debbie Gies on emotional bullying that can as damaging as any other.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/25/smorgasbord-reblog-the-other-inconspicuous-form-of-bullying-emotional-bullying/

The first of two posts by Paul Andruss on his own site on the history and myths surrounding the skilled craft of weaving.

Thomas the Rhymer Paul Andruss

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/29/smorgasbord-reblog-womens-work-by-paul-andruss/

Blogger Daily

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/24/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-monday-24th-july-hugh-roberts-jan-moore-and-darlene-foster-mary-smith-and-sue-vincent/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/25/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-tuesday-25th-july-geoff-le-pard-diana-wallace-peach-marjorie-mallon-carol-taylor/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-26th-july-2017-brigid-gallagher-jenny-fitzkee-lucy-brazier-and-the-story-reading-ape/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/27/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-thursday-27th-july-2017-christy-birmingham-tim-linthicum-travelling-happens-here-and-the-book-mom/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/28/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-friday-july-28th-2017-richard-ankers-d-g-kaye-madelyn-griffiths-haynie-and-n-a-granger/

Health

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/smorgasbord-health-2017-food-in-the-news-turmeric-curcumin-cancer-alzheimers-inflammation/

Short Stories

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/smorgasbord-short-stories-revisited-blue-jay-cay-by-colin-peck/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/28/tales-from-the-garden-molliethe-duchess-coleman-october-5th-2017-july-28th-2012/

Smorgasbord Invitation Entertainment Review – Movie Dunkirk

A new series with reviews for the small and cinema screens.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/25/smorgasbord-entertainment-review-film-dunkirk-written-and-directed-by-christopher-nolan/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/24/afternoon-video-they-make-them-tough-in-candada-95-year-old-record-breaker/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/27/smorgasbord-laughter-academy-its-raining-cats-and-dogs/

Thank you for popping in today and for your support during the week.. All of which is very much appreciated.

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – It’s raining cats and dogs


There are characters in our lives and our writing that have squeezed themselves into our hearts and tend to be found under desks, tables or on the sofa, bed, on a perch or your favourite chair or possibly in a stable in the garden. We love them dearly and here are some ways that we show that.

A young man fell desperately in love with a very well to do young lady. The day came when it was time to meet the parents and the young man was astounded to see the massive country house that his beloved had been brought up in. He was petrified enough to meet her parents and also knew that his girlfriend expected him to ask her father for her hand in marriage.

His fears were realised when he met the colonel… Dressed to go hunting and waspish. Eventually, the family sat around the large table in the dining room and the butler and the footman served Sunday Lunch.

There were many assorted vegetables and to be fair most were unknown to the now very nervous suitor. He ate everything that he was given and on top of the butterflies in his stomach wind began to gather in his nether regions.

Despite his best efforts there was an escape of said wind and the colonel looked up from his lunch and gave a suspicious look under the table.

‘Rover, get out from under the table you damn dog!’

Highly relieved that there was a hapless dog to be blamed for his indiscretion, the young man, gratefully released one or two more cauliflower induced bouquets.

Each time the fierce patriarch would look under the table and began shouting at the dog…

‘Rover, get out from under the table… I will not tell you again.

After one final expulsion of air and just as the young man had screwed up his courage to ask for his girlfriend’s hand in marriage. The colonel bent down from his chair and shouted down the underside of the long table.

‘Rover, for goodness sake get out from under the table before he gasses you!.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:

“Jesus is watching you.”

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

“Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around frantically. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

“Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?” he asked.

“Yes”, said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: “What’s your name?”

“Clarence,” said the bird.

“That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?”

“The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus,” the parrot replied.

The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something in the horse’s mouth just as a steward passed by.

‘What was that?’ inquired the steward.

‘Oh, nothing,’ said the trainer, ‘just a polo mint.’ He offered one to the steward. ‘Here, have one. And I’ll have one myself.’

After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his riding instructions. ‘Just keep the horse on the rails. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the straight is either the steward or me.’

Mildred’s eyesight was not as good as it used to be

I hope you enjoyed today’s offerings and please feel free to spread the laughter far and wide.. thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – South Africa, Barbra Streisand, Judith Barrow and Horatio Grin revealed.


Welcome to the round up of some posts that you might have missed this week.  I have been offline more than on but I hope to reveal the cover of What’s in a Name Volume II in the next few days. It is done all bar the shouting (Amazon) which as an independent author and not part of KP can take a few days.

Request.

I would be really grateful for an opportunity over the weeks following the book’s release if I might do a guest post. Each one will be sharing the inspiration behind the main character of the story with a short excerpt.  If you feel that might fit in with your blog and schedule please email me and once I have a firm release dates I can let you have the weeks that are currently free.  sally.cronin@moyhill.com

William Price King is on his summer break now until September. He has gigs in the Nice region which as you know is a very popular tourist destination. I will be reposting one of his contemporary season from earlier in the year to make sure you don’t have withdrawal symptoms.

Horatio Grin caused quite a stir with his essays on the origins of Fairies and this week we revealed the last mystery behind the man…. Quess Who… and the initials are PA… If you would like a FREE Epub or pdf of Horatio’s book which contains additional bonus essays, then the details are in the post.

Robbie Cheadle takes us on a tour of Cape Town to celebrate the release of her latest children’s story and cookbook – Silly Willy goes to Cape Town with some traditional foods from South Africa that definitely brought back happy memories.

Judith Barrow shares the story of her treatment and survival of breast cancer. A must read for every woman.

My thanks to everyone who has contributed this week and of course to all of you for your ongoing support. Enjoy the rest of Sunday and see you soon.  Sally

William Price King meets some legends

I thought you might like to listen to one of my favourite tracks while you browse.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/19/william-price-king-meets-some-legends-barbra-streisand-the-finale/

Guest post by Horatio Grin

The jig is up as they say and the mystery surrounding guest writer Horatio Grin is revealed.. with a FREE book with extras for you to enjoy.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/will-the-real-horatio-grin-please-stand-up-and-free-book-offer/

Guest post by Robbie Cheadle 

To celebrate the release of the latest children’s book Silly Willy Goes to Cape Town, Robbie shares some of the delicious traditional food you can find in South Africa.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/smorgasbord-guest-post-traditional-foods-you-can-eat-in-cape-town/

The Black Bitch and other Tales by Geoff Cronin

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/22/the-black-bitch-and-other-tales-the-bermuda-triangle-by-geoff-cronin/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/23/the-black-bitch-and-other-tales-of-bread-and-flails-by-geoff-cronin/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/17/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-lyn-horner-yecheilyah-ysrayl-and-tina-frisco/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-kristina-stanley-d-g-kaye-and-judith-barrow/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore – New on the Shelves

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/19/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-51-sleepless-nights-by-tobias-wade/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-the-fountain-short-story-collection-by-john-maberry/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-memoir-what-did-i-do-by-chuck-jackson/

Air Your Reviews

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/smorgasbord-book-promotion-air-your-reviews-throwback-thursday-carol-balawyder-and-christine-campbell/

The Blogger Daily

The new series of Blogger Daily has begun again and please do not hesitate to let me have the link to your most recent post either in the comments section or by email.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-new-series-and-new-contacts/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/smorgasbord-blogger-daily-friday-july-21st-damyanti-biswas-nicholas-rossis-mary-smith-and-yoly/

Health

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/19/smorgasbord-health-2017-food-in-the-news-thumbs-up-for-coffee/

Guest Post Judith Barrow – Surviving Breast Cancer

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/17/smorgasbord-health-2017-femail-reproductive-system-update-judith-barrow-breast-cancer-survivor/

Top to toe – The Male Reproductive System.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/smorgasbord-health-2017-top-to-toe-the-male-reproductive-system-part-one/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/mens-health-week-revisited-testosterone-and-cholesterol/

Poetry

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/22/smorgasbord-poetry-haiku-petrified-by-fear/

Short Story

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/19/smorgasbord-short-stories-revisited-no-39-by-marilyn-brouwer/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/17/the-afternoon-video-cats-and-pup-and-boxes-and-things/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/smorgasbord-laughter-academy-the-sign-writers-have-been-out-again/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/21/laughter-the-best-medicine-an-australian-shaggy-dog-story/

Well that’s all folks.. I hope you will pop in again next week and in the meantime.. be good.. and if you cannot be good… be careful. Thanks Sally

 

Smorgasbord Weekly Round Up – Opera, Film, Books, Humour and Authors who rock.


Welcome to this week’s round up of posts you might haved missed. As always my thanks to William Price King and Paul Andruss who are such huge supporters and contributors to the blog.. Also this week to Julie Lawford with a very informative posts on the challenges of being left-handed, and to Karen Ingalls, whose post shares her experiences as an ovarian cancer survivor.

I have been busy offline, finishing one project and moving onto the next. I have also been working on the plan for the blog from September onwards with some new promotional opportunities for authors and bloggers. In October the blog will be four years old and I would like to celebrate that with a week of guest posts.  I am hoping to persuade those of you who have been with me for most of those four years to share some highlights from your own blogs and the funniest moments too.  More about that later in the summer but perhaps you can get your thinking caps on now.  It is of course an opportunity to share your work and perhaps inspire others to take up this madness that is blogging.

Thank you very much for popping in and for leaving feedback and sharing the posts across your own networks.. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. More to come in the next week and I hope you will have the time to drop in again.

Time to get on with the posts from the week…

William Price King Meets Some legends

We look at some of the music from the films of Barbra Streisand in the 1980s and 1990s.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/12/william-price-king-meets-some-legends-barbra-streisand-1980s1990s-and-films/

Smorgasbord Writer in Residence Paul Andruss

This week Paul takes us back through the centuries to discover the origins of our modern day opera including some of the less highbrow aspects of this form of entertainment.

Thomas the Rhymer

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/writer-in-residence-whats-opera-doc-by-paul-andruss/

The Black Bitch and other Tales by Geoff Cronin

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/15/the-black-bitch-and-other-tales-technique-and-the-soliloquy-and-snippets-by-geoff-cronin/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/the-black-bitch-and-other-tales-he-who-laughs-last-and-technique-kerry-style-by-geoff-cronin/

Sally’s Cafe and Bookstore Update

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/10/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-sue-coletta-janice-spina-and-amy-m-reade/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-author-update-mira-prabhu-c-s-boyack-and-darlene-foster/

Book and blog marketing

A reminder of how you can join the other authors on the shelves of the Cafe and Bookstore

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/09/sallys-cafe-and-bookstore-new-on-the-shelves-update-free-book-promotion/

Book promotion on Twitter

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/10/smorgasbord-book-promotion-twitter-tagging-and-pinned-tweet-to-spread-the-word/

Taking advantage of book promotion opportunities

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/12/smorgasbord-book-promotion-modesty-perfection-and-promotions-sally-g-cronin/

My review of No More Mulberries by Mary Smith

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/smorgasbord-book-promotion-my-book-review-of-no-more-mulberries-by-mary-smith/

Air Your Reviews

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/11/smorgasbord-book-promotion-air-your-reviews-colleen-chesebro-bette-a-stevens-and-luna-saint-claire/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/smorgasbord-book-promotion-air-your-reviews-don-massenzio-teagan-riordain-geneviene-and-paul-cude/

Short Stories

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/12/smorgasbord-short-stories-tales-from-the-garden-by-sally-cronin-the-boy-his-dog-and-the-fairy-princess/

Poetry

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/smorgasbord-poetry-time-on-my-own-by-sally-cronin/

Health

Latest research in to the use of Vitamin C in an effective treatment for sepsis

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/11/smorgasbord-health-2017-latest-research-vitamin-c-treatment-for-sepsis/

Guest post by Julie Lawford on the challenges of being left-handed.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/11/smorgasbord-guest-writer-julie-lawford-leftwrite-on-being-a-southpaw/

Guest post by Karen Ingalls, Ovarian cancer survivor.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/smorgasbord-health-2017-top-to-toe-female-reproductive-system-outshining-ovarian-cancer-by-karen-ingalls/

Top to Toe – The Female Reproductive System

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/10/smorgasbord-health-2017-top-to-toe-female-reproductive-system-updated-some-health-issues/

Humour

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/10/afternoon-video-revisited-the-fastest-dog-in-the-west-barry-the-wonder-dog/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/11/smorgasbord-laughter-academy-a-writers-life-or-words-to-that-effect/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/smorgasbord-laughter-academy-it-is-all-in-the-headlines/

 

Thank you again and hope to see you next week.. Enjoy your sunday.. Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – It is all in the headlines.


I was laughing at a couple of headlines this week and found a few allegedly genuine ones online to share with you. Please feel free to share the daftest one you have seen in the comments.

Include your children when baking cakes

Something went wrong in the jet crash, experts say.

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Iraqi head seeks arms

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

Panda mating fails; Vet takes over.

Clinton wins budget; more lies ahead

Plane too close to ground, crash probe told.

Juvenile court to try shooting defendent

Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter (I have been in one of those queues)

War dims hope for peace.

If strike is not settled quickly it may last a while.

Man struck by lightening faces battery charge.

New study of obesity looks for larger test group

Kids make nutritious snacks

Local high school dropouts cut in half

Typhoon rips through cemetary; hundreds dead.

I hope you enjoyed and please feel free to pass on the fun.. Have a great weekend… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – “A Picture is worth a thousand words”


To end the week a few images from Facebook, past and present – have a great weekend..

Thanks to Peter Bateman.

Thanks to Judith Barrow

What were they thinking!

Going out with a Bang….

Under the Influence

 

I don’t have a problem either then!

 

Feel free to pass on the fun… thanks Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – A Chicken, A Parrot and an Ostrich walk into a bar!


A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the “Chicken Surprise”. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

Good grief, did you see that?” she asks her husband.

He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening,and demands an explanation.

“Please sir,” says the waiter, “what you order?” The husband replies, “Chicken Surprise.”

“Ah… so sorry,” says the waiter, “I bring you Peeking Duck.”

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

Here is that ostrich….

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

“That will be $9.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad, says he man

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer.

“Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress… “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

If you smiled.. pass it on … thanks for dropping by..Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Academy – Elderly logic, dating, pack behaviour and squirrels…from Tina Frisco


As I get back into blogging mode, Tina Frisco stepped up with some more of her classic laughs for your benefit…More about Tina after the post.

I have also raided the archives and found some images that you might enjoy…

Dog Pack Attacks Gator in Florida

At times, nature can be cruel. But there also is a raw beauty, and even a certain justice, manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators – normally considered the ‘apex predator’ – can fall victim to the canine’s survival-of-the-pack mentality, evidenced by the strategical team work of their tight-knit social structure.

See the remarkable photograph below, courtesy of Nature Magazine.

Note that the alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator, preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing, and a third dog attacks the soft underbelly.

Warning!
This is not for the squeamish!

Touching Story of an Old Woman

This letter was sent to the Principal’s office after a school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. One of the women had received a new radio as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family have passed away. I am all alone now, and it’s nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful, and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me, and I knew this was God’s way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,

Agnes


Squirrels vs Churches

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim. Twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. They humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later, the squirrels returned when the Baptists took down their water slide.

The Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They circumcised the first squirrel and haven’t seen one since.

Dating Ads for Seniors, found in The Villages,
the Newspaper of a Florida Senior Retirement Community

FOX
Fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4′ (used to be 5’6′), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. —————————————————-

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath, not a problem. —————————————————-

SERENITY NOW
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
—————————————————-

WINNING SMILE
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
—————————————————-

BEATLES OR STONES
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
—————————————————-

MEMORIES
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.


AND FINALLY…

A lady and gentleman in The Villages are sitting on benches opposite each other.

Lady: Are you new to the community?

Gentleman: No, I have owned a condo here for 20 years.

Lady: I have been here for 15 years, and I have never seen you around.

Gentleman: I have been in prison for the last 17 years!

She was stunned but finally asked him what he had done.

Gentleman: I murdered my first wife!

She was stunned again, but after a long pause . . .

Lady: So, you’re SINGLE?

About Tina Frisco

Tina Frisco is an author, singer-songwriter, RN, activist, and student of shamanism. Born in Pennsylvania USA, she attended nursing school in New York and lives in California. She began writing as a young child and received her first guitar at age 14, which launched her passion for music and songwriting. She has performed publicly in many different venues. Her publishing history includes book reviews; essays; articles in the field of medicine; her début novel, PLATEAU; her children’s book, GABBY AND THE QUADS; and her latest novel, VAMPYRIE. She enjoys writing, reading, music, dancing, arts and crafts, exploring nature, and frequently getting lost in working crossword puzzles.

Find out more about Tina Frisco, her books and read the reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Tina-Frisco/e/B009NMOFNY

Here is how you can connect to Tina on her website and social media.

Website ~ http://tinafrisco.com
Amazon ~ http://hyperurl.co/3vme2a
Facebook ~ https://www.facebook.com/TinaFrisco.Author
Twitter ~ http://bit.ly/14VXY49
LinkedIn ~ http://linkd.in/1aAGwXl
Google+ ~ http://bit.ly/1Fc1Uzn
Goodreads ~ http://bit.ly/165vmVp

Thank you to Tina for her wonderful laffs and to you for dropping in and please feel free to share the smiles. Sally

Normal blog service will resume tomorrow.

 

Smorgasbord Health 2017 – Laughter the Best Medicine – The health benefits and the Laughter Academy!


Smorgasbord Health 2017It is very important that as well as feeding the brain nutrients and supplying healthy fats, oxygen and fluids, you provide it with stimulation.

One of the causes of dementia is lack of stimulation.  Visual, aural, verbal. For elderly people the world begins to shrink back until they are restricted in movement within a small space, with perhaps just the television or radio for company.  Even with the television you will find that eventually there will only be one or two channels watched; the news, soap operas and more than likely Midsummer murders!

This is why any social interaction is so important as we get older. For most, not all, our natural instinct is to recede to a safe zone but those who do stay in the world and continue to laugh, enjoy new music, movies, plays and group activities, stay mentally and physically healthier.

About 12 years ago my friend and radio producer Kelli Brett and I put together a couple of programmes on the subject of laughter as one of our regular health segments. We called it the Laugh Academy and it went down a storm.  It was intended to show how laughter is one of the most beneficial exercises you can participate in without spending a fortune or damaging a muscle – well I believe that there were one or two cases where someone laughed themselves into a heart attack but it was nothing to do with our show – honest.

Laughter is universal – every culture will have its particular funny bone that others would not see the point of, but put most of us in a room with other nationalities and eventually someone will start us off.  It might be a stand-up comedian in front of a packed theatre – or it might be round the dinner table after a couple of glasses of good wine.

Children have a natural ability to laugh from a very early age – they are not afraid to express themselves – they do not have years of conditioning about what is appropriate or not.  I remember getting a fit of the giggles at my mother’s funeral – imagining her reactions to the proceedings.  I only managed to hang onto my decorum by severely grasping my husband’s left thigh in a death grip which to onlookers might have looked equally inappropriate!

It is very difficult to keep a straight face when someone else is hysterical and I dare you not to start laughing when you watch this baby giggling so naturally.

There are actually laughter clubs around the world where people gather and start a voluntary laughter cycle rather than a spontaneous one.  No humour or jokes involved, just a steady Ha,ha,ha.  Hasyayoga is performed in groups with eye contact and you will be surprised how soon the deliberate laughter turns into the infectious kind we are used to in a crowd.  The belief is that forced laughter holds the same benefits as the naturally occurring variety and a brief look at those before some links to the most viewed Time for Some Laffs from the current series.

I hope that the last thing I do on earth is to go laughing at one of my husband’s jokes – well some of them anyway!

Health benefits of laughter.

  • When we laugh we tend to increase our rate of breathing inhaling more oxygen which gets pumped into our bodies filling us with energy and at the same time reducing stress.
  • As we laugh heartily, nearly all of the 400 muscles in the body will come into play, which is a form of internal aerobics.
  • If you laugh throughout an hour-long comedy show, or at someone’s jokes, you will use up 500 calories.
  • The act of laughing causes our blood vessels to dilate reducing blood pressure and stimulates the production of more T-cells in our immune system helping us to fight infections.
  • The act of laughing releases endorphins and neuropeptides into the bloodstream which have a number of measurable effects on us. These either act as painkillers or improve your mood.
  • The types of problems that seem to respond well to laughter therapy are stress, asthma, arthritis, insomnia, depression, frequent infections and recovery from cancer.
  • Laughing with others strengthens social bonds, attracts people with similar senses of humour, helps relieve tensions in relationships and illustrates a level of trust where you are willing to share something trivial or amusing with another. Laughter is as contagious as a cold or flu and there is actually something very satisfying about reducing someone to tears with laughter.

So it strengthens your immune system, increases your cardiovascular flexibility, makes you think clearly, improves your mood, releases stress, relieves pain, lowers your blood pressure, boosts the entire body and if it is shared with a friend doubles the effects.

There is no doubt that attitude does make a huge difference when you are battling a serious illness and laughter plays a major part in turning infusing the body with a positive energetic and healing environment.

Here are some of the most viewed Time for some laffs from the current series

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/04/18/time-for-some-laffs-under-the-influence-with-a-few-cats-thrown-in/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/03/28/time-for-some-laffs-blondes-have-more-fun-i-know-from-experience/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/04/13/time-for-some-laffs-driving-grandmothers-mechanical-cows-and-inflight-service/

 

So what is the Laughter Academy and how can you join us.

Well you may have noticed that one of the leading lights of the Smorgasbord Laughter Academy is author Tina Frisco who often feeds me some great gags and images that I then share with you. Here are a couple of posts as an example.

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/06/06/smorgasbord-time-for-some-laffs-marriage-smith-and-wesson-and-granny-and-the-christmas-cake-2/

https://smorgasbordinvitation.wordpress.com/2017/05/30/smorgasbord-time-for-some-laffs-some-home-truths-courtesy-of-tina-frisco/

What I would love you to do is send me your jokes, Youtube links for funny videos or amusing images so that I can share them with everyone. I will put a link to your website, Amazon and your books along with a credit.

So, do you have a funny bone? Have you got some great jokes that are suitable for a wide ranging age group? 

Just send them to me at Sally.cronin@moyhill.com… looking forward to it and burning up 500 calories reading them.