Smorgasbord Funnies 2023 – Hosts Sally Cronin and Debby Gies – Guard Dog and Mary Poppins

Firstly, some funnies foraged from the web from Debby Gies – D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby  for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness. Automatic Writing

Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….

Mary Poppins…

Mary Poppins was travelling home but, due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night.

She approached the receptionist and asked for a room.

“Certainly madam”, he replied courteously.

“Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary.

“Sorry, no”, came the reply, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?”

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. “Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please”, said Mary.

“Certainly, madam”, he replied. “And can I have breakfast in bed?” asked Mary politely.

The receptionist nodded and smiled. “In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please”, Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out.

The same guy was still on the desk. “Morning madam…sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you”, Mary replied.

“Food to your liking?”

“Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional. I don’t think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though….they really weren’t that nice at all”, replied Mary truthfully.

“Oh…well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book.

We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion”, said the receptionist.

“OK, I will…thanks!” replied Mary….who checked out and then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written:

“Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!”

We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.

 

 

Smorgasbord Funnies 2023 – Hosts Sally Cronin and Debby Gies – Birching and Ducks

Firstly, some funnies foraged from the web from Debby Gies – D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby  for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness. Automatic Writing

Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….

Heavens Above

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time.

When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven:
don’t step on the ducks!”

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a
duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes
St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly
man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first
woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all
eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, then one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
… very tall, dark hair, and muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word and walks away.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you
for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

We hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – Host Malcolm Allen – March 2023 – Medical Appointments and Earl Grey

Delighted to share the latest funnies from Australia and around the world shared by author Malcolm Allen

 

Many thanks to Malcolm for sharing his humour with us.

About Malcolm Allen

The author was born in London UK and experienced a challenging childhood, leaving school with no academic qualifications at the age of 15. He had mixed fortunes in his early working days but managed to secure a job in the banking industry at the age of 19. During a period of 32 years he enjoyed a demanding and successful career in London, the pinnacle of which was becoming a Company Director at the age of 37. Following a life changing experience in November 1998 he emigrated to Perth, Western Australia in September 2001, relocating to his current home in Melbourne, Australia in November 2015.

Thanks for dropping in today Sally and hope you are leaving with a smile on your face..

 

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up 6th – 12th February 2023 – Spring, Operation TBR, Big Band, Quincy Jones, Heart Health, Food for Romance, Bloggers, Book Reviews and Funnies

Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed this week on Smorgasbord.

This week there have been signs of spring in the garden and they were very welcome. Still some frosty mornings but this bit of colour makes all the difference.

I had not planned to be out and about this week but I received some lovely features from some very generous reviewers of my books. A huge thank you for making this a week to remember.  Phil Huston, Mark Bierman, Claire Fullerton, Smitha Vishwanath and Lauren Scott.

Just An Odd Job Girl reviewed by Phil Huston

Reviewed by Mark Bierman 5th February – Claire Fullerton February 5th – Smitha Vishwanath February 8th –   Lauren Scott 9th February – Joan Hall on Bookbub

Operation TBR….

Like so many of you, I have a towering TBR and with my February Amazon run adding another 6 books, I am up to 40 waiting to be read. I have upped my reading time and I have decided that I need to clear the decks before adding any more. So I have created a wish list of books as I get introduced to them or promote them and I will buy them when I have read those already in stock, especially those that have been waiting for far too long.

I am going to be travelling soon and that will offer a wonderful opportunity to catch up and I am looking forward to sharing my reviews with you.

As always my thanks to my friends who contribute to the blog…

William Price King joined me this week for the Big Band Era with Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman and The Lambeth Walk…Also the first post on the life and music of the incredible Quincy Jones You can also find William – Blog– IMPROVISATION– William Price King on Tumblr

Debby Gies​ On Monday I am sharing one of her posts from her series on relationships. Online dating is big business and whilst many find love, many also find scammers and Debby offers some practical advice on how to stay safe…Debby also joined me for two funnies this week.  Despite being on holiday she is still visiting posts and commenting, not just here but around the writing community. Follow the link to Debby’s blog to browse her archives …D.G. Kaye

Carol Taylor is here on Wednesday with her A-Z of food and the letter ‘Q’. In her Monday Musings Carol looks at another antibiotic alternative.. honey which is astaple around here, and an amazing video of a groundhog family who visit a suburban garden every day during the summer along with other wild animals. In her Green Kitchen Carol looks at kitchen waste, in particular milk and ways to store and use up milk rather than throw away, including a recipe for Portugese Milk Tarts – Catch up with Carol’s posts CarolCooks2 weekly roundup…5th-11th February 2023

Thank you very much for your visits, comments and shares to social media, as always it is appreciated ♥

On with the show…..

The Big Band Era with William Price King and Sally Cronin 1930s – Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman and The Lambeth Walk

William Price King Meets Music Legends – #Musician #Producer #Humanitarian Quincy Jones Part One

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Podcast #Poetry #Flash Fiction – The Waltz and Romantic Gestures by Sally Cronin

The Body our Greatest Asset – The Heart and how it works by Sally Cronin

Foods to get you in the Mood for St. Valentine’s Day by Sally Cronin

Book Review – #Supernatural Adventure The Last Drive by John W. Howell

Book Review – #Thriller #Fantasy – The Evil You Choose: Dreamer’s Alliance – Book 2 by Dan Antion

#Crime – Remember No More ( D.S. Kite Mysteries) by Jan Newton

New on the Shelves – #NorthernIreland – Light (Stones Corner Volume 3) by Jane Buckley

#Recipe Aunt Jeanette’s Luscious Lemon Tart by Dorothy Grover-Read – New Vintage Kitchen

Memories in #Photographs by Darlene Foster

#PotLuck – Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Windy Day by John W. Howell

MondayMotivation – #Meditation #Tarot #DragonOracleCard by Jan Sikes

#Teaching – Every Child Deserves a Champion by Pete Springer

– Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Commas and Magical tricks

Hosts Sally Cronin and Debby Gies – Horror for dogs and MIT starting salary

 

Thanks very much for dropping in today and I hope you will join me again next week… Sally xx

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – February 2023 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Tattoos and Seven Cats

Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies who has been doing some excellent foraging for us. Debby is on her annual winter break in Mexico but has left a few funnies to share with you.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby  for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness. Learning to trust your intuition

Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….

Parenthood

A young couple came home with their first baby.

The wife suggested that her husband change their son’s nappy.

‘Not now,’ he replied.

Later in the day the wife asked him again. ‘Can you change the baby’s nappy.’

‘You don’t understand,’ her husband said patiently, ‘I meant the next baby.’

Johnny’s Seven Cats

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 2023 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Speeding Ticket and Three Wishes

Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies who has been doing some excellent foraging for us.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby  for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness. Learning to trust your intuition

Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….

A wager

A man goes into a pet shop and buys a talking dog for £30. He takes the dog to the pub to show his friends and challenges them: I bet everyone £30 this dog can talk.’
His friends all take the bet, but the dog doesn’t utter a word, however many treats it is offered. The owner has to pay up and leaves the pub broke.

When he goes home he mutters to himself that he will have to take the dog back to the pet shop and demand a refund.

‘Use your head,’ pipes up the dog. ‘Just think of the odds we’ll get tomorrow.’

Three Wishes

A man releases a genie from a bottle and is granted three wishes. ‘I’d like a million pounds please,’ says the man for his first wish, and immediately a million pounds appears at his feet. ‘I would like a new car,’ he then wishes and a sleek sports car is parked right beside him. He thinks for several minutes as he contemplates his third wish and finally decides. ‘I’d like to be irresistible to women.’ There is a blinding flash and he is transformed into a box of chocolates.

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.

 

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – January 2023 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – #Marriage and #Fottles

Author Daniel Kemp has been entertaining us over the last three years with his funnies on his Facebook page and head over to follow Danny Kemp  .. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

Married Life

Growing old the way on your own terms.

Getting to grow old!

And a couple of gems from Danny’s archives

Simple Maths

Sunderland, England.

The owner of a working men’s club along the coast was confused about paying a discounted invoice so he decided to ask his secretary for some arithmetical assistance.

He called her into his office and said, “Betty, you graduated at the University of Sunderland and I need some help. If I was to give you £20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

Inventions.

I went to the Patent Office to register some of my camping inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, “A folding bottle.”

She said, “Okay, what do you call it?”

“A Fottle.”

“What else do you have?”

“I have also invented a folding carton.”

Again she said, “what do you call it?”

“A Farton.”

She sniggered and said, “Those are silly names for products, and one of them sounds kind of crude.”

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket

My thanks to Danny for allowing me to raid his Facebook: Danny Kemp

About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel –The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do?

In May 2018 his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? became a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.

Although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows best; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning.

He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as –the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live’ television in the UK.

A selection of books by Daniel Kemp

Read the reviews and buy the books also in audio: Amazon UK – And : Amazon US – follow Daniel: Goodreads – Website: Author Danny Kemp – Facebook: Books by Daniel – Twitter:@danielkemp6

 

Thank you for dropping in today and I hope it has make a good start to your weekend…thanks Sally.

 

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 2023 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Margaritas and Regrets

Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies who has been doing some excellent foraging for us.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby  for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness. Learning to trust your intuition

Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….

In the dock

Clerk: Prisoner at the bar, how do you plead, guilty or not guilty?
Accused: How can I tell till I’ve heard the evidence?

Accused: As the Lord is my judge, I am not guilty.
Judge: He’s not, I am, you are, six months.

Judge: you have been found not guilty of robbery and can leave the court without a stain on your character.
Accused: Great! Does that mean I can keep the money?

Regrets

A man is visiting the cemetery when his attention is drawn to another man kneeling at a grave. The man keeps repeating, ‘Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?

After several minutes the first man approaches him and says, ‘Excuse me, I don’t wish to disturb you, but for whom do you grieve so deeply?

The second man wipes his eyes and replies, ‘My wife’s first husband.’

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.

 

 

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Weekly Round Up – 16th – 22nd January 2023 – George Shearing, Big Band Era, Intuition, Culinary ‘O’ foods and terms, New Releases, Book Reviews, The Brain, Bloggers Spotlight and Funnies

Welcome to the round up of posts you might have missed in the last week here on Smorgasbord.

Not a great deal to report this week that is newsworthy but thank goodness for the blog which has kept me out of mischief… well almost! The weaher has turned a little warmer the last couple of days and I notice the first signs of the primroses under the hedge poking their heads about ground. I hope they are not being overly keen and I am sure some more frosts to come.

On the blog front.. delighted to say that quite a few bloggers have signed up for the new series of post from the archives and you will begin to see those posts beginning Tuesday. So if you would like me to share two posts from your archives from July- December 2022 then here are the details. #NewSeries January 2023- ‘Lucky Dip’ and Do You Trust Me??

Don’t forget to email me if you have a new release in the next few weeks so I can help spread the news. sally.cronin@moyhill.com. If you are new to the blog then I will let you know what I need… if you have been featured before I just need the Amazon link.

As always my thanks to my friends who contribute to the blog…

William Price King joined me this week to celebrate the Big Band Era Ethel Waters, Duke Ellington and the Jitterbug. Also the next post on Friday with the life and music of Sir George Shearing.  You can also find William – Blog– IMPROVISATION– William Price King on Tumblr

Debby Gies​ was here on Monday with an exploration of Intuition… and during this past week joined me for a laughter post.  On her own blog you will find her Sunday Book Review for Death and its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons by therapist Becky Aud-Jennison.  Also a link to Debby’s two latest podcast.

Debby is heading off to Mexico for two months on her annual migration to warmer climes but I will be sharing some posts from her archives on her Monday slot in the meantime. She will be back in April with more of her Spiritual Awareness posts. Follow the link to Debby’s posts …D.G. Kaye

Carol Taylor was here on Wednesday with her A-Z of food and the letter ‘O’. Over on her own blog you will find Monday Musings on Rhinos and natural antibiotics, On Thursday thoughts you can discover some interesting facts such as the first hot air balloon flight in the 18th century.  You can catch up with the news: Carol Taylor’s Weekly Round Up 21st January

Thank you very much for your visits, comments and shares to social media, as always it is appreciated ♥

On with the show…..

The Big Band Era with William Price King and Sally Cronin 1930s – Ethel Waters, Duke Ellington and The Jitterbug

William Price King Meets Music Legends – #Jazz – Sir George Shearing – The Collaborations

Spiritual Awareness – Learning to Trust Your #Intuition by D. G. Kaye

Carol Taylor’s – Culinary A – Z Rewind – ‘O’ for Oats, Offal, Octopus, Oranges and Oysters.

Podcast #Poetry #Flash Fiction – Waiting for Spring and Good Morning Your Eminence by Sally Cronin

Smorgasbord Public Relations for Authors Recycled – Part Three – Hitting the Red Carpet

The Body our Greatest Asset – The Brain – Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease by Sally Cronin

#Review – #Romance #Novella – Pour It On ( Keystone Couples) by Staci Troilo

#Forgottenwords Marcia Meara, #Booktitles Pamela Wight, #Reviews Diana Peach, #2022reads D.L. Finn, #Salad New Vintage Kitchen, #Frost John Howell.

#Suspense #Romance Tall Pines Sanctuary by Sharon K. Connell

#Contemporary #Suspense #Loss #Love – All That Was Taken by Lisette Brodey

#YA #Fantasy – Dream Walker: Book 5 in ‘The Council of Twelve’ Series A.J. Alexander

#Techno #Thriller What Comes Before (Heirs And Descendants Book 3) by Daniel Kemp

Host Malcolm Allen – January 2023 – Bird Power and Weighing Scales

Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Notes to Self and Definitions

 

Thanks for dropping in today and I hope you will join me again next week… be safe… Sally

Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – January 2023 – Hosts Debby Gies and Sally Cronin – Notes to Self and Definitions

Firstly, some funnies from Debby Gies who has been doing some excellent foraging for us.

D.G. Writes is where you will find an archive full of wonderful posts across several subjects including writing tips, social issues and book reviews.

My thanks to Debby  for expert foraging…

D. G. Kaye – Buy: Amazon US – And: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. Writes – Goodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Debby’s latest post in her series Spiritual Awareness. Learning to trust your intuition

Now something from Sally’s Joke book archives….

Some Definitions

Abundance – A dance in a bakery
Apex – A gorilla’s old girlfriend
Blood Brother – A vampire’s relative
Buttress – a female goat
Catastrophe – First prize in a cat show
Denial – A river in Eygpt
Fjord – A Norwegian car
Grammar – a female grandparent
Inkling – a small pen
Jubilant – a celebrating ant
Offal – something dreadful
Optical – itchy eyes
Polygon – a dead parrot
Syntax – a collection in church

Thank you for joining us today and we hope you are leaving with a smile on your face… thanks Sally and Debby.